Steps •asheiji•

•Chapter 13•

*Trigger Warning ⚠️ mentions of rape*

Eiji POV

We're now back at our apartment. I put Ash on the couch to avoid bringing up any triggering memories that happened near the bedroom.

I made his favorite coffee and sat down next to him on the couch placing the warm cup on the small table in front of us.

He took the cup and started sipping slowly. Avoiding my gaze.

"I'm okay now." he said as he places his cup down.

"Ash, are these nightmares related to your abuse?"

Ash has been having trouble sleeping and has nightmares often but I need to know for sure why. I took a guess that it was related to him being a rape victim and I looked it up online but I needed to hear it from him.

"Yeah." he answered blankly.

That proves it.

"Ash what happened this morning...D-Do you want to talk about it?..."

Ash POV

My skin started to itch again.

I needed to explain to Eiji. It's not fair of me to expect him how to deal with me in certain situations if I don't tell him what's going on. He's not a mind reader.

I took one last sip of my coffee and took a deep breath.

"I-I was scared," I started.

I don't think Eiji actually expected me to talk about it based on the look of shock on his face but he hid it quickly.

"When I h-heard you through that door... my body didn't react the way I wanted it to."

Eiji looked confused so I kept going.

"I d-didn't want to get aroused but I did anyway. I get horny too you know! I'm still a person!"

My voice started to get louder as I felt tears running down my face again and my eyes starting to burn. But I didn't care. I kept going. And Eiji let me.

"I can't help how I feel sometimes! And that fucking sucks because afterwards I only feel worse about myself! E-Every time...I have to take a shower for a fucking hour just to make the itch go away...to make that dirty feeling go away! I ask myself why did I not stop myself? Why did I enjoy it? I shouldn't enjoy it after what happened to me right? I should hate the thought of anything having to do with sex!
B-But for some reason...when it's with you...
i-it's not that bad,and that scares me so fucking much..."

I was starting to run out of breath and my voice was straining so I stopped yelling.

"Why am I like this?" I thought out loud. My voice coming out in a whisper.

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🍌x🐠

This chapter was kinda sad 😥. Remember constructive criticism is encouraged.