Steps •asheiji•

•Chapter 20•

who's gonna bottom?"

Eiji POV

I've been thinking about this question for awhile now.

As much as we both want this to happen, we're not a straight couple. It's not obvious whose gonna be at the receiving and giving end.

Ash is complicated. If he were bottoming, it might trigger him because as far as I know he was always the one taking it in those disgusting situations.

But if I bottom, he might feel like he's hurting me the same way those men hurt him. I'm totally okay with the idea of me bottoming. I'd do anything for Ash to feel safe.

Anyway back to the point.

Ash stayed silent.

It was silent for awhile.

...

"I can bottom." I said breaking the dreadful silence.

Ash didn't say a word.

I broke out of his grip and turned around so I could face him.

He was looking down so I lifted his chin with my hands.

He was holding back tears.

"Oh no baby-I didn't mean to upset you. I'm so sorry."

"I-I don't want to h-hurt you Eiji." Ash says choking on his words, voice cracking.

Let me tell you. The worst sound ever is the crack in the voice of a person who's about to
cry.

"Ash you won't hurt me." I said resting my forehead on his.

"How do you know that!"

"Well I don't know for sure but-"

Ash cut me off

"I should be bottoming. I've already got fucked in the ass anyway."

He laughed but his voice sounded dry, strained.

I looked at him. I saw his face change from a look of pride to sorrow to devastation. He broke down.

I embraced him tightly. His breath was shaky and his body was quivering. He started taking in quick short gasps of air trying to stop himself from sobbing.

"Cry Ash." I said stroking the back of his head.

He began to sob into my chest and gripped onto my shoulders, his nails digging in. It hurt definitely, but not as much as his tears soaking through my sweater.

Once Ash calmed down he pulled away from my hug and repositioned himself so he was on my lap.

"Why does this have to be so hard Ei?" He said while pressing his forehead against mine.

"I don't know baby. I wish it wasn't."

"I want to... so bad Eiji."

"I know Ash."

"But it's so hard. And terrifying. And-and-"

"Baby," I said as I looked up into his glassy eyes. "You can do it. We can do it. You don't have to lift a finger." I say while kissing away his salty tears.

"You're too kind to someone like me." Ash says as he gives me a quick peck.

"I'm kind to you because I care about you. I never want to see you hurt again. If I could prevent any bad thing that comes your way, I would in a heartbeat."

Ash leans in to hug me again and as I straddle him in my arms.

"How about we both try bottoming and see which one we like better hm?" I said while running circles into Ash's hips. "Sometimes it takes experimenting to figure these things out."

I can feel Ash nod into my chest as we sit like that for another half hour or so.

"Well you just finished sobbing your eyes out so how about we start fresh tomorrow."

"Okay."

"I love you Ash."

"I love you too Eiji." Ash said as he smiled thinking about the new day.

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🍌x🐠

Okay so honestly I don't know if Ash should bottom, or Eiji, or they switch? Let me know what you guys think.

Also sorry for such a long wait. I was on vacation and wanted to relax a bit.