[complete] the swan dive | the first diary - katsudeku

day twenty

i'm writing this whilst you are downstairs,
making lies about how wonderful
i am.

you tell my mother
"he's a good kid in class!"
when really,
you shatter my heart
just like you would with glass.

when your mother knocked on our door,
truthfully i didn't expect you there.
i expected nothing more.
but my mother, being the kind woman she is,
she invited you in,
not without her usual welcoming kiss.

i discovered that she invited you over for dinner.
i heard you prepared katsudon.
that was my favourite dish,
but when you were there you ruined it all.

as i write this,
i hear the fake giggles you give.
the blood that drops down
from the cuts on my wrist.
they flood this page,
i hope you will see.
just a couple more months, right?
many months until i'm free.

i'm surprised you never questioned
my winces and cries
from when you grab my wrists
and beat me,
you act as if you recieved a prize.

i cover them up
with cheap foundation.
it only irritates me
it itches my creation.

now you're probably wondering why i'm taking long in the bathroom.
when you read this,
know it is not only your fault.

but remember you caused everything to fall apart.

the good mood,
the bright vibe.
you corrupted my only escape.
my only escape from reality,
my escape from the guy in the alley
who took me
by rape.