[complete] the swan dive | the first diary - katsudeku

day sixty nine

[izuku wrote all that he could remember happened yesterday on this page. he couldn't remember everything.]

"Deku?"

"Ah...hey, K-Kacchan." responded Izuku, hanging his head down. "Y-you did well at the entrance exams..."
     "Well yeah. Of course I did." he arrogantly replied. "Anyway, old hag, what the hell is De- I mean- Izuku doing here?"
     "Ah! You see, Izuku and Inko are having dinner with us tonight!" Mituski exclaimed, her face beaming with joy. "Why not take Izuku up to your room while your father and I talk to Inko?"
   "Yeah yeah, sure. Whatever."

I went up to Kacchan's room. It was much more different, like I had suspected. He didn't have the All Might poster I gave him. He used to display it proudly on his wall. We would also imitate All Might's poses. I wish we could go back to those days.
     There was a little small talk. A bunch of threats. Death threats. But then, amongst that hate was a pinch of praise.

"You're not as bad as I fucking thought, Deku." the blonde smirked. However, in the blink of an eye, Izuku was in the clutches of his angry childhood friend. "But I'm still better than you. I always will be better than you. Fucking loser."

I thought that, maybe, for once that Kacchan would accept me. It didn't really go that way. In fact, it seemed like he was more disappointed in me than happy that I managed to survive the entrance exam for my dream school.

"Let's go. My old hag of a fucking mother will have probably finished prepping the shitty table."
     "Right...y-yeah. The bathroom is still in the same place, right..?"
     "Of course it is. Pathetic."
     "I'm g-going to go use it first...I'll be there in a few minutes."

I didn't use the bathroom, to be honest. I sat on top of the toilet seat and cried, hoping to God that you wouldn't hear my weeping. I didn't want you to call me weak, or pathetic. Useless is the worst attribute.

It reminds me of how useless I was when I was quirkless. How I wasn't able to protect myself.

Maybe, if I had a quirk, you wouldn't treat me like this. Or, what if I hadn't met you in the first place? You only came to my defense because I hadn't developed my supposed 'quirk'. I wanted to be selfish for once. I loved the warmth you gave me when you engulfed me in a tight hug, or the smile that brightened my day when I was down. I didn't want to lose that.

But I did.

I realised, you were tired of me. You were sick of being my bodyguard. You hated me. Every single inch of me. You wanted to explode every single molecule that made me. All because for once, I...I wanted to be the one to protect you. To help you.

"What took you so long, Izuku?" Mitsuki asked, "Your bowl of Katsudon is there. You can sit with that bratty son of mine on the sofa, like when you were kids."
     "Ah, o-okay. Thank you, Auntie Mitsuki."
     The young boy took his bowl, some chopsticks and a spoon (just incase) and went to sit beside the blonde who seemes to have an annoyed expression plastered on his face 24/7. He quietly sat down, silently whispering "Thank you for the food," before digging in.  The Katsudon tasted the same. The warmth spread throughout his mouth, his teastebuds exploding with flavour. It was a wonderful feeling, something Izuku could never get used to. But, it tasted a little different. It was a good 'different'.
     When he was finished with his dish, he travelled to the kitchen to wash and clear his dirty dishes, like he normally would. He would always treat others with respect, even if they did any wrong. This was a trait of the green haired teen. Even if it wasn't his home, he'd clean and treat it like home. It was the right thing to do. He always told himself that.
     "Did you like the Katsudon, Izuku?" questioned Mitsuki, smiling at the teen as he left the kitchen and appeared in the dining room.
     "Yeah. It was amazing as always, Auntie Mitsuki!" replied Izuku, smiling brightly.
     "You know, that brat Katsuki, when he heard you were coming over, he took over the kitchen and started making Katsudon. I guess the best of friends know each other well, huh? I can't believe he still remembers that your favourite dish is Katsudon. Stupid brat." she chuckled.

When she said that, I couldn't help but smile.

But right there and then, I concluded that I was just a toy to you after all.

You were never my friend, were you, Katsuki?