forever// 5SOS

16

*trigger warning, talks about rape*
Ashton

I stirred the pasta, adding tomato sauce and the mushrooms I'd cooked. I got two plates out and put two servings on, filling to glasses with water and setting the table.

Ava sluggishly walked through, rubbing her eyes and coming over to me.

"Good nap?" I asked, turning her towards her seat.

"Yeah,"

"Alright, you can wake up a bit before you eat if you want,"

She shook her head and picked up her fork, picking at it a little before starting to eat.

"It's nice,"

"Thankyou,"

We ate the meal in silence, and she helped me clear up after. Both of us sat back on the sofa and she sighed.

"I know you want to talk to me," she said quietly, "what about?"

"There's a couple of things,"

"School?"

"That's one of them. If the head says so, me and you are gonna have a meeting at Harry's school okay? We will figure this out Ava, I promise,"

"Okay," she said shakily, "don't break it,"

I smiled and nodded, letting her lean into me slightly.

"The second thing is... you need to come to Michael's side of the building. You need to let him give you a checkup, and some shots to make you strong,"

She looked down but nodded, and I realised it had finally sunk in for her. No matter how much she didn't want this to happen, it had to, and I hated making her feel like this.

Like she had no control.

Like she was broken.

"And Luke, with me in there, wants to take a special kind of x-ray that will help him see inside your tummy,"

"W-why?"

"Just incase, okay,"

"Incase what, I-I don't understand,"

I turned her to face me, looking in her glazed eyes.

"When they found you, and took you to hospital, did a doctor look at your lady parts?" I phrased it as, becoming more convinced she didn't know what had happened at all.

"No they made me do some- some swab thing and pee in a cup,"

"Okay, okay," I soothed, "well sometimes, they get a doctor to look and check everything's okay up there. Luke and I know that would make you very, very uncomfortable so with the scan he can see most of everything,"

"Why does it need to be checked? It hurt me but I didn't know it could break," she said, starting to panic.

"Nothing will be broken, it's okay babygirl. We just want to make sure you're healthy,"

"I don't get what he did,"

I wrapped my arms round her, running my hands through her hair as she stifled her sobs.

"Have you ever been told about your body, and boys bodies? And puberty,"

"No,"

"Okay, well it's something I'd like you to know. It sounds scary, and can feel scary but it's not,"

"Okay,"

"You're 13, but you still have a little way to go. When girls get to around 12, some earlier and some later, they start a thing called puberty. So do boys, all teenagers go through it,"

"You start growing, and on your body your hips will start growing, and your chest will grow. Boys and girls get hair in more places, and both start getting ready for being an adult when you can have a baby,"

"Get ready?"

"Well, you know babies feed from their mum so when it's time your chest will make their milk. Then there's something you will get called a period, and that's when all month the body waits for you to have a baby, but when you're not pregnant, it lets out what it doesn't need,"

"I'll bleed?"

"It's nothing to be scared off, none of this is because I will help you and Lauren will help you,"

I smiled slightly, rubbing her back as she tried to figure it all out.

It would be confusing, to never know things about your body. All she knew was that the men did something, and that it hurts, without knowing why.

She wasn't at school to know, and it's terrifying.

"To have a baby, a man and a women have to having something called sex. It's a special thing. However, some people don't do it in a special way, and that's what happened to you when they hurt you down there,"

"I had sex?" she cried, her sobs starting to fill the apartment.

"What happened, it's something called rape. You didn't say yes, you always have to say yes to do it. It's a horrible thing sweetheart, and I wish you didn't have to know, but it's your body and a very real thing. You don't have to be afraid if you're doing it with someone special and you've said yes, and you can stop at any time, because this is your body. That's why we want to keep it safe, and healthy,"

"That should be illegal,"

"It is,"

"So why didn't the police do anything?"

"I'm sure they did sweetheart,"

"No, I was in the courtroom and they never said anything about him hurting me like that! I didn't let them touch me and they said they had no proof," she sobbed, "is it because I'm a girl?"

"What do you mean?"

"Did they not believe me because I'm a little girl? And they don't think things like that can happen? Because at that age I would've worn pretty dresses and played with toys?"

"Ava," I shushed, running my hands through her hair. It was an unusual tone from her, and it scared me slightly.

Like she was about to burst.

"Why didn't they believe my hurt Ashton? I just don't get it. I don't get any of this. I don't get why he did a special thing but made it bad, and I don't get why he hurt me, and I don't get why the police questioned me, and I don't get why they fed me weirdly, and why the court didn't believe me. They hurt me, and tortured me. They're locked up for only half their crimes, while the full lot haunt me when I should be at peace," she shouted.

"and I don't get why, just because I'm a young girl, they believed the criminal over the victim. I'm the one who had to live through it, and now the one who has to live with it, and they gave me nothing. They gave him ten years, but I got a lifetime of jail. I got a lifetime of being trapped in my head like this, and I'm sorry for shouting, but I don't get it,"

"It's so unfair, and I don't get it,"