One Life For Another

21

I slowly raise one of my hands, making the peace sign to let the others know that I need help. All four males jump down in to the ditch, surrounding Jayden completely. "How pathetic can one be?" Gerry says with a furious tone in his voice. I bite on my trembling lip to keep myself from crying. Joël notices and walks over to me. He stands in front of me, blocking me out of Jayden's view. "You are far from okay" he says, "You look so pale and broken." I nod and let myself fall in to his arms. Then the tears start to flow down my cheek, making my eyes burn. Joël strokes my back, "Let it all out, cry as much as you want to." My whole body starts shaking and I hold on to Joël tight, as I am searching for my balance. Joël lifts me up suddenly and starts walking to a lower side of the ditch. I hear Jayden screaming behind Joël but I can't see what is going on. "You are not my princess anymore" I hear him scream. That breaks my heart even more. I thought that I had found the love of my life, but in the end he still left me. Is it my fault? Did he spoke the truth? Had I caused all of this? Joël pulls my out of my thoughts by saying, "stand on the ground for a moment please." I nod and he lifts me out of the ditch. I put my feet on the ground and try to find my balance. Joël quickly gets out too and catches me when I almost fall. "Those legs of yours are jelly at the moment aren't they?" He laughs softly. I laugh too, "Yes they feel like I can't use them properly." Joël lifts me up, one arm under my shoulders and one under my knees. I lean against his chest with my head, feeling all my energy flow out of me. My sight get blurry and then the world turns pitch black.

I am wrapped in a warm blanket when I wake up. Both Joël and Lay are leaning over me, having worried looks on their face. "Lilly?" Joël calls for me. I look up at him, "what?" My voice sounds raw and it is almost like it is not mine. "How do you feel?" Lay asks. "Dizzy" I whisper as talking out loud hurts my head. I close my eyes again and try to hide from the world. "She is probably in shock." I can't figure out who is talking, I only hear voices. "Lets take her back to the building. She will need a lot of rest." "We should stay by her side. I don't want her to faint again and maybe hurt herself." I sigh softly, I don't want to hurt myself because I have enough pain already. I open my eyes, immediately meeting Joël's blue eyes. "He broke your heart, didn't he?" I nod and tear up again. "You should let go of him." My eyes widen, "I can't do that." Joël nods, "I know but it might be the best." "He is here" I point at my heart, "staying there forever. Even if I want to forget him, I can't." Joël pulls the blanket up a little, making it cover me up to my nose. "You can do this, however it will be hard but you have us to keep you on your feet." He points at Lay, Matt, Gerry and himself. I smile thankfully and hide in the blanket completely. I close my eyes and then I see my whole world falling apart. Everything I did built up with Jayden is now falling down one by one. The love, the moments of laughter, the words of courage and most of all the plans for our future. How did my life ever reach a low point like this one? I sigh, will I ever be able to get out on my own? I press the blanket against my face and let my tears soak it. I don't care about anything anymore, I just want this pain to stop. My brain feels misty and I don't have the energy to open my eyes. I can feel someone wrapping his arms around me, probably Joël. I let the person pull me close. I let out a cry when Jayden's words come up in my head again, ripping my heart apart.

I have been hiding in the blanket for the whole car ride back to the building. Joël had held me, trying to comfort me as much as possible. I had heared Jayden's mad voice the whole ride and that made me cry. I never heared him being this mad and it scared me. It was almost like it wasn't they Jayden I had loved anymore. My tears were endless streams, soaking the blanket that covered me. Now I am laying in bed, curled up with a few blankets. Thinking about how my life had gone down this quick........

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It is two months later when I have enough energy and courage to move on with a kind of normal life. Joël had stayed by my side, slowly letting the love between him and his girl fade. I felt sorry for the girl and wanted him to go back to her. But he refused to go back, he told me that he cares about my health more then he cares about her. It made me cry, I didn't deserve to be treated like this. In my opinion I was a useless girl in a cruel world. I was not made to be here or to even exist. But they had been telling me that I did matter, to them and to all the other people around me. Together they helped me out of my hiding spot, my spot where I broke down and couldn't get out of. They made me smile by doing and saying silly stuff. They held my hand when I was near a breakdown and talked to me when I couldn't sleep. They had been my little lights in the dark.