One Life For Another

35

"I want Lilly back how she was when I just met her. But that is never going to happen because she changed." "Yes sadly for you that will never happen." "That is why I at least want her to be my best friend. But I seem I even fail at being that." "You just need to learn how to care about friends again." "I have other friends too." "Then you need to learn how to care about Lilly again." "That is probably it because I feel like I barely know her." "Understandable, she has changed a lot. She grew more into the person she might want to be, but she also got some punches when it comes to emotions." "She can show her emotions really well." "I am thankful that she still can. It also could have been that she would bottle every emotion up and hide it from us." "I would get really sad if she becomes like that." "That is why we need to protect her from more heartbreaks." "Yes Lay, we can't let anyone break her heart anymore." I sniff when I suddenly feel tears coming up. Always those stupid tears. I rub my eyes and wait for them to continue talking. But they don't, it is silent again. I sigh as I try to stop crying, but I fail. I bow my head and walk in to the room. "Hey pretty girl" Lay says when I walk in. I don't anwser and walk straight to the pile of blankets I left behind. "Lil?" Jayden calls out to me. I ignore him and lay down with my face in a pillow. I pull the blankets around me and cry even more silently. I feel someone laying his hand on my back, but I keep crying until I fall asleep.

It is Matt who wakes me after what I think is 30 minutes. But it turns out that I slept for a few hours. "Wash up a little" Matt says, "We will leave in 15 minutes." I nod, get up and go back to the bathroom. I am suprised when I open the door. Jayden is sitting on the side of the bath with the lights on. "Hey" I say, "Why are you sitting here?" "Felt a bit bad" He says, "But don't worry I am fine now." I look down for a few seconds but then I look back up again. "You look beautiful Lil" he says, "I know that it is not what you use to wear but it looks so good on you." I start to blush softly, "Thank you." Jayden smiles and gets up. "I will leave now so you can do what you needed to do" he says. "Oh it is okay, you can stay if you want." "Alright then I will stay." I smile and look in the mirror. My ponytail is messed up but the rest of my face looks good beside the wounds on the left side. I touch the wounds softly, making myself hiss in pain. "I am sorry that I gave you those" Jayden says, "I don't know what had gotten in to me. I swear." "It is okay" I lie. It is not okay, it hurted me badly. But then again I know that I hurted him too. "It is good that you handled me like you did. You gave me back what I did to you." "I don't want to talk about it actually." "Okay I will stop about it." I stay silent and take my ponytail out of my hair. I brush my fingers through my hair and softly massage the sides of my head. "Where did my sweet and shy Lilly from the past go?" Jayden suddenly asks. "She died a while ago" I say with an annoyed sigh, "She couldn't keep herself up in the war called life." "You mean that she will never get back?" "No my heart has scars, she can never return." "But Lil, you can at least try." "No, I would die if I would be like that again." "But I would be here to protect you." "You can't promise me things anymore, I can't trust you anymore." "That is bullshit" "O is it?" I say while grabbing him by his collar. "Yes it is." "Think deep asshole." "I am staying with that answer." "Think deeper." I start to walk toward the wall and press him against it. He stay silent and looks down. "Stay calm or I will hurt you like I did earlier" I say. "A-alright" he stutters, "I-I w-will l-listen." "Good" I say and I let go of him again. I tie my ponytail again and leave him behind in the bathroom. Matt is standing at the frontdoor when I walk towards it. "Angry at Jayden again?" He asks. I nod, "He was trying to pick a fight." "Don't go to hard on him please." "You don't choose his side." "I won't dare, I seen how agressive you can get." "Come on Matt, please don't talk about me like that. It won't happen again soon." "It is okay Lil, I would do the same." "I know but your heart is better than mine." "You know that that is not true right?" "I do, but you are someone that thinks about others." "Not at all but sure, whatever you want." I laugh, "Get Jayden so we can leave. I will get Lay." Matt nods and walks towards the bathroom. I walk in to the other room and see Lay sitting on the blanket. He is holding his head with his hands and I can see that he is shaking slightly. "Are you okay" I ask with a worried tone in my voice. "I feel so sick" he says, "I get dizzy as soon as I get up." I kneel beside him and push him into the pillows and blankets. "You should lay down and sleep a little" I say. "But I am supposed to go with you and the boys." "The three of us will be okay. You need rest and you aren't going to find that if you go with us." "But I was coming with you to protect you." "Did you see me today?" "Yes but what does that has to do with what we are talking about right now?" "I fought Lay, I will be fine." "That makes me scared Lil. I don't want you to fight at all." "I won't fight" I lie. "Liar, I can tell from your eyes that you will fight when needed to." "That is true" I sigh, "but you are sick and I don't want you to come with me and get even sicker." "Alright I will stay home, but you got to be careful alright?" I nod, "I will and I always have Matt and Jayden with me." Lay nods while turning onto his side, "I will try to sleep then." "Good choice." Lay smile softly, "Don't stay out for to long, you need sleep too." "I will be fine, don't worry." "Just promise me that you will be careful." "Okay I promise." "Okay now go before Jayden gets mad." "Ha he can try but then he has the wrong one." "I know, now shut up I want to sleep." I chuckle, get up and quickly walk to the others. "Why is Lay not with you?" Jayden asks. "He is can't stand up because then he gets really dizzy" I say, "And he says he feels really sick." "Did you tell him to sleep?" Matt asks. I nod, "So shall we leave now?" Jayden nods, "It is a 10 minute walk to the place where we will meet up."