One Life For Another

22

I am standing in Gerry's office, looking out of the big window. Joël and Lay are standing beside me. Today Gerry is letting Jayden go after he has been locked up for over half a year. "There they are" Lay says while pointing down at the ground. I lean against the window and see Gerry having a talk with Jayden. Then Gerry pushes him towards the exit. I press my forehead against the cold glass and stare at Jayden. I will never see him after today, but I don't think I will miss him that much. My chest starts to hurt, letting me know that I am actually going to miss him. Joël lays his arm around my shoulders and pulls me against him. "Hey you chose for the best" he says. I nod and lay my head on his shoulder. "He will come back in to your life if it was really faith for you to be with him" Lay says. I smile softly and close my eyes for a short time. Joël pulls me into a hug and softly presses a kiss in to my hair. This had become a habit of him, he did it whenever I was sad, sick, scared or even angry. Then I start to feel the tears coming and it doesn't take long for them to start rolling down my cheeks. "Try to stay calm" Joël says as I start shaking like crazy. He softly strokes my back, trying to calm me down. I sigh and lean into Joël completely. "Hey Lil, it is all going to be okay." I shake my head, how can things be fine is I basically lost a part of myself. Why did all of this happen? Why didn't I stop myself from dumping him? All my thoughts attack my heart and it feels like they are burning flames. Heat rises to my cheeks and forehead, making me start to sweat. I sigh and break the hug. "Lilly are you okay?" Joël asks with a worried tone in his voice. "No" I whisper, "My head hurts." I let myself down on my knees and hide my face in my own lap. A dizzy feeling comes up, making me want to let myself fall down onto the ground completely. I close my eyes and try to think of nice things. But Jayden is the only thing that comes up in my mind. A shiver rolls down my spine. I want him back.... Then something in my brain disconnects. I jump up and run to the door. I push the handle down, open the door and run to the stairs. I run as fast as my feet can take me and then I trip over a step. I roll down the stairs and hit my head on the ground. "Be careful" I hear Lay scream behind me. I shake my head, get up again and continue to run down the stairs. My head hurts, almost like it is about to explode. I keep running until I am outside. "Jayden" I scream with a hurten voice, "Please come back..." I look around and find him at the exit. He is looking at me, but he doesn't come to me. I let myself fall down on to my knees again. "Please don't leave!" Jayden turns around and walks away. I look at him walking away and feel my last bit of hope leave my body. Someone grabs me from behind, but it is to late. The world around me starts to get darker and darker. It feels like my body is shutting itself off. I lose my conscious again....

My life only went down from that point on till now. I learned that the east side gang was a worse enemie than the Day Monsters. Joël had teached me their tactic when it comes to fighting and I have actually used the same thing to kill a few of their people. No one ever thought that I would be able to kill someone, but my heart turned cold after I had seen Jayden walk out of my life. The boys had been proud of me, but they were also a bit worried. They had been helping me every time. We were mostfully vandalizing stuff on a daily basis, while trying to not get caught by the police. We had been caught three times in the two months that we were doing this. The first time we got a warning and the second and third time we had to spend a night in jail. We had laughed it of, it didn't catch us of guard. We didn't fear anything anymore, not even death. If we would die, we wouldn't care. We were just trying to set our minds on other things than the things that happend. I had never felt so strong as I felt in the past few months. Using weapons made me feel like I had all the power of the world in my hands. The boys had learned me how to use every weapon that our gang owns. I master all of those now, making me able to use whatever I want, whenever I want. I had once made a mistake with a bleeding arm as result. Gerry had called me an idiot and laughed at me. He didn't want to help me, even tho it was bleeding a lot. Lay called him out for that and then he helped me clean up my arm. The cut has been huge, making everyone except Gerry worry. I rolled my eyes at it and continued what I was doing. The cut became a scar, but I don't really mind it. I had been treating it so it wouldn't get infected. But Joël had been worried about it. "You should see a doctor for this" He said. I had declined this idea and he never talked about it again.