(Yes, that's the actual title of this play)
Hi.
I feel like this fits in this book better than my random book, but it's still kinda outta place. But it still has to do with theatre and partially Newsies so it still counts in a way?
Ok yeah let's just roll with that.
This was the script for the play I had to write for my final exam in drama and was inspired by my complete lack of freeps left to give at the end of the school year. Also, having just listened to the Newsies and and Be More Chill soundtracks gave me inspiration for the characters.
Here's a fun game: spot all the musical references. Aaaaaand... go!
-:-:-:-
Teacher aka Katherine: a responsible adult.
Joy aka the Squip if the Squip was Connor Murphy: the human personification of Senioritis.
Natalie aka Davey: the nerd. (I played this part. For obvious reasons)
Cara aka Rich: the jock.
(Scene opens on a classroom. NATALIE and CARA sit at their desks with one empty desk between them)
TEACHER
Ok you two, we have a new student. (JOY enters) Be sure to give her a warm welcome!
JOY
Hey, whaddup, I'm Joy. (Plops into the empty chair)
TEACHER
I know it's close to the end of the year and you all are very excited to move on to college, but please, do your best on these assignments. What you learn here will help you for the rest of your life.
JOY
(Sarcastic) Right. Knowing the rhyme scheme of an Italian sonnet will make me a millionaire someday.
(CARA chuckles, NATALIE purses her lips)
NATALIE
Depending on your career, knowing sonnet structures could be very helpful.
JOY
Found the Try Hard.
TEACHER
Joy, pay attention please.
CARA
How the heck am I supposed to remember asdfghjkl?
NATALIE
It's abbaabbacdecde. Just remember ABBA and you'll be fine.
(JOY starts quietly singing Dancing Queen)
CARA
Bands aren't gonna help me. If I don't pass this class, I might lose my football scholarship.
JOY
Cause one failed class will ruin your entire life.
NATALIE
Are we gonna have a problem?
JOY
You got a bone to pick?
TEACHER
Heather! I mean... Natalie...
NATALIE
Sorry...
JOY
Hey, Nat was it? You're taking this way too seriously. Be more chill.
NATALIE
My name isn't "Nat."
JOY
Then what's your name, man?
NATALIE
Alexander Ham— (clears throat) Natalie.
JOY
Good for you. Good for you you you.
TEACHER
Kids!
CARA
(To self) oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh...
JOY
Girl, you look grim. (Places her hand on CARA's head) Relax.
(CARA flops onto her desk)
NATALIE
Bruh, what the freep.
TEACHER
Miss Cara? Miss Cara? Oh my freepin gosh she freepin ded.
JOY
She's not dead. Just... unstressed.
CARA
(Singing) nothing really matters, anyone can see...
TEACHER
Joy! What did you do?!
JOY
Just opened her mind to the pointlessness of senior year. There's probably ASMR going on in her brain right now.
NATALIE
Oh gosh, you have Senioritis!
JOY
Sweetie, I am Senioritis.
TEACHER
Oh Freep, I'm going to get fired.
JOY
Ok, nappie time for you too. (Boops TEACHER)
(Teacher slumps over too)
NATALIE
Stop it! Now who's going to grade my homework?!
CARA
Who does their homework? Freepin nerd.
TEACHER
Right? Neeeeeerd.
NATALIE
But I need you to grade this paper. I have a really low grade right now!
TEACHER
You have a 94...
NATALIE
Exactly!
CARA and JOY
Ohmigod you guys.
TEACHER
There's too many words. New rule; words fail. You get an F.
NATALIE
(Murder in her eyes) What.
TEACHER
Whoa, ok. I'll just give all y'all a B and call it good. Now everyone's happy and I can sleep
CARA and JOY
Sick.
NATALIE
I'VE NEVER GOTTEN A B IN MY LIFE!
TEACHER
Well, now you have one.
(Error 404: NATALIE.exe has stopped responding)
CARA
(To JOY) Hey, I like your water bottle.
JOY
Thanks, it's from Japan. It's a gray, oblong bottle, quantum nanotechnology—
CARA
Wha?
JOY
Nothing.
TEACHER
Hey, I don't feel like doing squat so we're just going to watch Bill Nye the Science Guy.
NATALIE
But this is an English class.
TEACHER
...We're watching Bill Nye.
NATALIE
(Done with this crap) Joy!
JOY
Yo.
NATALIE
Turn them back. I'm on my own. I don't want to be the only smart one here!
CARA
Smartness doesn't matter.
NATALIE
You don't understand! When yer smart, tha woild is ya erster.
TEACHER
It's oyster, you idiot.
JOY
Ok, you're giving me a headache. (Boops NATALIE. Nothing happens) huh. That's a new one. (Snaps) Cara, go.
(CARA smiles)
[Fight scene, in which Natalie gets the living daylights kicked out of her by the star football player]
JOY
Ok, that's enough.
NATALIE
(Almost passed out on her feet, a bloody nose completing the picture of her being one of the pitiful children) I'm still standing.
JOY
Barely. (Snaps)
NATALIE
UpupdowndownleftrightA (she falls. Beat) Hey, I know it's first block, but can I just like, nap here for the rest of the day?
JOY
Knock yourself out, kid.
-End-
-:-:-:-
And this was my final exam for drama.
YOU ARE READING
Dszahdh - A Newsies Oneshot Book
FanfictionA oneshot compilation for the broadway version of Newsies that began with someone else's typo (here's lookin at you, @omg_im_totes_biii): There are lots of different X readers within; enter at your own risk. There is cringe galore. If you enjoy thes...
