[Tin x Can] If Only I Could Trust

Chapter 4: Part 1

Again Can and I played the game of hide and seek. Every time something happened that scared him, he went away without a trace. This time he wasn't going to get away so easily. I knew from Pete that he was barred from missing any more game practices so he had to be at the one tonight.

I waited patiently until it was over. Can seemed distracted, missing so many passes, and not making goals. I didn't know much about him, but from what I heard, he was good at this. One of the best. I'm guessing that I wasn't the only one affected by what happened a few days ago.

I walked up to him while he was being scolded by two guys. I didn't like how they were teaming up on him. The other players yelled at him to stop being so absent minded and that the game was tomorrow. I understood their anger, he did miss a few practices but this was too much. After the team left, I'm guessing the two that stayed behind scolding were higher up in ranks.

'But Techno...I really was sick because something happened. It made me sick and lifeless. Please believe me, it wasn't my fault!' I could see the tears starting in Can's eyes and it made me upset.

I watched as the one he just called Techno hit Can in the head with a rolled up paper. He then scolded him again.

'Can, get your hand in the game!' Techno yelled.

'It's head.' The other guy corrected, making the one who made the mistake flustered.

'Don't do that in front of him,' Techno whined. 'I can't believe you Type. Of all the times to speak.' He acted like he was going to hit the other too but Type laughed and rolled his eyes, focusing them back on Can.

'Aye you, what's going on? Someone messing with you?' He said.

Just then, as if on cue, they all noticed me standing there. The two next to Can looked between each other then at me questioningly. Can's eyes opened wide and he pointed at me and hid behind the one called Type.

'Tell him to go...' Can weakly said.

'I'm here to talk to you. We need to talk about it, in private.' I stated.

'What more is there to say...didn't you say enough? Do enough?' Techno and the other quickly looked at each other again.

'Do you really want to talk about this here?' I chuckled. 'Ok, fine. You're mad because I gave you an org-'

With a squeal Can ran up and covered my mouth. His eyes pleading with me. So this is what it takes to get him to talk to me. Good to know. I smiled behind his hand.

'Gave him what?' Type asked, his eyebrows raised.

'Organic Tea... It made me sick.' Can quickly countered.

I heard the guy laugh and Techno scratched his head in confusion. Type slaps Can on the back as he walks by. 'Come on Techno. Let's let the guys talk about their organic tea.' At least someone in his group of friends aren't dumb as hell. The other still seemed confused as he walked off.

Once they were a good distance away Can pushed me hard. His chest was rising quickly. The way he looks when mad made me want to kiss him, so I did. Pulling him closer, my mouth captured his. I missed doing this with him. He broke away without returning it.

'Why do you keep doing that? Don't ok? Just don't! It makes me feel...' He trailed off.

'How?'

'Sick! It makes me feel sick!' His eyes were wet with unshed tears. My heart broke hard, hitting the ground. 'I get all...stomach gets like...ahh I can't explain. My heart beats fast and I ...' His tears flowed down his cheeks. 'We can't do that anymore. I don't have a problem with being your friend. I just don't want to-'

'Be my boyfriend?' I interjected. 'Did I ask you to date me? Last I checked I only asked Pete that.' I watched his face fall. 'I just wanted to play around with you. You were dumb enough to let me, Can. I needed to know if I could be with Pete if I pursued him and luckily I got my answer. So maybe I should say thank you for so called rejecting me.'

'But I didn't-' Can tried to interrupt but all I could see was red.

'You aren't worth my time. You aren't worth anything. You are just a lowly poor idiot who thought that I could love you but the joke is on you. I was just using you. Since we got that out of the way, I'll leave. Oh, by the way, you need to practice sports a lot more because you suck.'

He didn't say anything else to me and stood there fighting back more tears. I wanted to look back but I steeled my face and stormed off the field. Nothing I want I can ever get. I'm cursed.

________________________________

I knew I had been wrong to trust him even minutely. I sat in my car in an empty lot yelling for the last 30 minutes from anguish and sadness. I had trusted him to not push me away but apparently I wasn't good enough.

No matter how much I knew that we just shared a few kisses and an orgasm, I thought that maybe he would come around. Maybe he needed more than that. Was I going about this the wrong way?

I sat back and took a deep breath. Maybe I should court him like I would a woman. He seemed like he would like those kinds of crap. That's if he would even talk to me after the messed up things I said. I didn't mean them.

*Ping*

I blew out a breath. I wasn't ready to face Pete's disappointment. Taking my phone from my pocket I clicked on the message. It was from a number unknown to me but it said: Call me so we can talk. I called the number and the voice of the guy I just outright humiliated was on the other end. He was speaking calmly but I could hear the heaviness in his throat. Had he really been crying?

'You didn't mean what you said to me did you?'

I sighed strongly. 'No, I didn't.'

'Oh...thank you.' He was really trying not to cry. I honestly respected him for confronting me. Wait a second.

'How did you get this number?' I inquired.

'Oh...Pete.' I rolled my eyes. Of course. He won't give me his number but gave mine out.

'I want to ask you something...'

'Just ask." I growled. I hated beating around the bush.

'Are you...are we...what is this? When you said those things to me on the field, it hurt. I cried very hard but then I noticed I wasn't being fair to you or myself.' He was brave to share all these things. 'Also, you didn't let me finish talking earlier.'

'Then finish." I waited patiently, feeling my anger fade away.

'When we are together...I do feel sick. My heart beats really fast and my stomach twists in knots. When you kiss me I get this feeling in my stomach, like it's scary but...good and I don't want it to end.' I know Can, because I feel the same way. 'It's not like we are dating...I don't understand these feelings. I'm trying to get used to the fact that it's with you, a guy.'

'I feel like you do too so don't worry that I love you.' Before I could call it back it slipped out my mouth. What the hell. The silence on the other end was deafening. 'Can't you just say you love me back?' I snapped.

Obviously, saying I love you for him wasn't something easy and I was starting to feel out of place by sharing my feelings too. Though I looked calm on the outside, my heart felt like it was going to skip out of my chest.

'Tin, let's say I do love you...what happens next?'

Then I will never leave you.