[Tin x Can] If Only I Could Trust

Chapter 12: Part 2

It was very hard to keep up with Can when he was excited. From the moment we got off the plane to the moment we reached the hotel he did nothing but run around. He didn't speak in a regular tone at all and I was somewhat embarrassed when everyone looked at him like he was insane for talking very loudly. But the more I watched him feeling carefree, I got a fuzzy feeling in my chest. I smiled as he ran down the street looking at the shops, leaving me behind. He was cute sometimes wasn't he?

I was actually surprised he could even run around as much as we had sex on the flight over. I took care to be gentle lest he get sick again so that might have been it. Then he wanted to do it once more in the 'expensive bed' in our hotel room which ended in him taking a long nap and not waking up until nearly evening. Usually he would have eaten tons of food but he hasn't been hungry that much like before, I started to notice.

I found Can finally standing still looking into a shop. When I reached him he had tears all over his face. I scooped him into my arms and hugged him tightly to me. We were standing in front of a Thai store. I quickly understood that it was starting to sink in that we could never go back to see his family or friends or even the country for a very long time. I rubbed his back as he sobbed into my coat.

'Calm down Can.' I whispered. 'If you want, we can go back home. I'm sorry for dragging you into this.' A crying Can would always be my downfall.

'N-no, it's okay. I don't r-regret it.' 

His words didn't match his actions because he cried harder than before. I continued to comfort him until he quieted down. Pushing him back from me I inspected his face. I laughed at how red and blotchy it was. He looked like he had an allergic reaction. His face was all puffy as well.

I took my thumb and wiped away his tears then got out my handkerchief and patted his face. I tilted his chin up and kissed him on his soft full lips. My heart began beating hard. Thump. Thump. I couldn't believe how much someone made me love them this much. I found his hand and held it before breaking apart our mouths.

'Come on, let's find some food.' 

As we walked we saw a Thai restaurant and he quickly pulled me in. The smell was very nice and warming though it wasn't as elegant to my liking. Can was used to this kind of place I'm sure. It just looked like an upgraded stall to me. We were seated and handed menus by some elderly lady and I smiled at my boyfriend but he wasn't smiling back, only sitting and staring at one spot. 

'Can... let's go back home.' I reiterated again. If he isn't going to be happy then I couldn't do this to him. I stood up and I was about to grab his hand to go until he pulled me back down to sit.

'I'm okay Tin. I'm sad, yea, I won't see them again. I worry that something bad will happen to them. Your family scares me and sometimes...you scare me too.' I couldn't help feeling shocked and aggravated. 'Before you get upset I only mean that who does this to protect someone? You left everything for me. I am being selfish. I'm not the only one who sacrificed or suffered. I know you have too, you just won't ever say it.' He laid his head on my shoulder. He was right, I will always keep it to myself. 

I won't tell him how much being without him nearly killed my spirit or how my nightmares returned sevenfold. How I couldn't eat and everytime I tried I couldn't keep it down. I would never express how the first time I had a full meal was when I heard he called asking about me. I could never say how I was a drunken mess and rarely showered. Or that the first thing I did in the morning was cry and the last thing I did before sleep was cry as well. 

But one thing I could say was 'I love you Can and that will never change.'

'I love you too Tin.'