Cheater

Voicemail

I woke up the next morning to the obnoxious buzz of my phone alarm going off. For a split second I forgot about the events of yesterday, but soon enough they slapped me in the face (or shall I say head) greeting me with a pounding headache. I sat up reaching for the glass of water on the table beside my bed. As doing so I accidentally caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked rough. My eyes were puffy and red and had bags under them that made it look like I didn't just wake up from 9 hours of sleep and my hair was a serious case of bed head. I guess that's what heart break does to you.  I can't go into college looking like this.

I grabbed my laptop off the cold wooden floor next to my bed and opened up my emails. Even if I wasn't going in today I still had work to hand in, I just hope Hanji will accept it in an email. I sent the message with the assignment attached giving a brief explanation of my absence due to a terrible stomach bug that hit me out of no where... apparently.
Once that was over and done with I reached for my phone, it lit up. 4 missed calls, 7 new messages, 1 voicemail. All of them from Eren and only one of which from this morning, it read;
'I'll see you later after class, we need to talk'
I scrolled up reading the previous ones;
'Are you home safe?"
'I didn't mean for what I said to come out the way it did.'
'Please believe me Armin, I love you too just as much, it's just different...'

I didn't bother reading the others, I didn't care what he had to say. I locked my phone and stared off into space, I'd been lead on this whole time. Eren Jäger has broken my heart.
It only took around 10 minutes for my curiosity to peak and I found myself listening to his voicemail. It was left at 12:05am when I was fast asleep. I found myself asking the question, why wasn't he?

"Okay so you're not picking up and I keep telling myself it's because you're asleep but you're probably just so mad at me you don't wanna hear my voice right now." He rambled, but he was right the first time I was asleep. Not that I would've answered his call if I wasn't.
"Which literally contradicts why I'm leaving a voicemail when you don't wanna hear from me but I have somethings I have to say... you need to hear" I nervously swallowed and released a breath I didn't realise I was holding in.
"I'm just so sorry for hurting you. It was never my intention and I can't stop thinking about you and your face and your voice and how sorry I am for being the cause of your pain. You deserve better than me I'm so sorry" It's like he hadn't stopped the whole way though for a breath.
"I probably only have like 30 seconds left until this voicemail cuts me off which is my fault for talking too much, but you need to listen to me. I just need you to know, Armin, that I didn't mean it. I don't mean it... it's you tha-". Beep.
"No" I accidentally said aloud.
"No no no" I got louder
"That you what!" I exclaimed, whipping my hand up to my mouth to muffle the sob that was about to escape my lips. My grip on my mobile tightened causing my knuckles to turn white, subtly letting my anger out. I kept telling myself to pull myself together. Get a grip boy. I took some deep breaths and tried calming down. I'll just call him back.
Suddenly my hands were shaking and a nervous sweat broke on my forehead. What was he going to say.
I pressed the 'call' button underneath his name.

Maybe this was the wrong choice to make... if he wanted to tell me so badly why didn't he call back and leave another voicemail.

Beep beep beep beep beep beep

It's too late now...

Beep beep
Dial tone.

'Hi! Sorry I can't come to the phone right now, leave a voicemail and I'll get back to you.' I hung up.
I didn't even know what I wanted to say to him let alone having to leave it in a voicemail. He probably ignored my call on purpose. Thoughts flooded my mind of what the elder brunette could be doing that was more important than answering my call.
He was in college... with Mikasa. Of course.
"You've got no right to make Eren feel like this... if he loves Mikasa and she loves him why should I have a say. I'm not even the gender Eren is interested in" I told myself. Slowing starting to believe the lies I'd created.
But then something dawned on me. Something I'd never really given much thought to before now.
Was I gay?
I knew I had a thing for Eren but that's just because we are best friends. But did I have the potential to feel this way towards other guys? I've never had a girlfriend before but does that really mean anything... I always shrugged it off as me not being the relationship type. To be fair the only girl I've ever been friends with is Mikasa and I've never thought about her in that way that would be gross, she's just my friend. But so is Eren.
"Ughhh!" I groaned, my head spinning.
"I need a pain killer" I mumbled getting up from bed to look for some.

About 3 episodes of Pokémon and 2 pain killers later I found my mind wandering off to the place it felt most comfortable and of course that was thinking of none other than Eren himself. Eren always managed to make me dizzy with happiness just at the thought of him, he clogs up my head until theres no room for anything else whether I want him to or not. It's like when you're trying to fall asleep but you can't so you search your brain for something to think about so that you can slowly drift off replaying memories or creating new ones in your head. For me I always land on him. On his soft sweet smelling hair or kind caramel eyes, his warm laugh that could put the most anxious person at ease, his smooth tan skin that makes me blush anytime I come into contact with it. He is just overall perfect and I want that perfection for myself. I want to be the one that always gets to smell his hair as he nuzzles into my chest as we cuddle, I want to be looked at by his beautiful eyes and I want to be the reason he graces people with the precious sound of his laugh and more than anything I want to blush like crazy touching every inch of his gorgeous skin. I want to call him mine.

The dull ache that accumulated in my chest after all these thoughts was nothing new. In fact it was a feeling I was quite used to by now. I sighed. My chest wasn't the only place aching, I looked down noticing the slight bulge that had accumulated in my underwear. I'd let my thoughts run wild and consequently ended up arousing myself. I was torn between the two pains I had, did I want to give in to my heart and cry again or give into my... natural urges and pleasure myself? I bit my lip and ran my fingers slowly over the thin fabric covering my erection and closed my eyes. Eren's lips were the first thing to pop up in my head and let my mind explore every second of them, I imagined kissing them I imagined them kissing me back, moving down my neck, whispering in my ear things that I longed to hear. I traced a finger up to the hem of my underwear and slipped it in inside them followed by another and another until my whole hand was pressed against myself. I slowly stroked up my length sucking in a breath, it had been awhile.

Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring

Are you kidding me? I pulled my hand out at record speed and grabbed my phone. This better be good! I looked at the caller ID, my breath hitched
'Eren'
I gulped sliding the answer button across.

"Hello?"