BTS - G̴̼͑̒L̶͙͗̒̚I̷͙̭̋̍̉T̴̢̳͖̐͝C̷̺̱̏̋͠Ḥ̴͖͑̽E̶͇̰̊̒̃D̴̲̼̉̆͝ #WATTY'S2019

41

Maybe happiness was imminent.

-

When the rest of the boys were notified of Seokjin leaving soon, they were sad. But I'm a week got over the initial disappointed of soon losing one of themselves, being one group. One big heart. If one piece is missing, it enforces fear that the organ will not pump blood through the system to reach each small crevice.

Jungkook has been the most quiet one. And this scared them, Taehyung especially, because when Jungkook is quiet he holds everything in. He hides the truth and hides his pain. And after holding everything in, it always comes out in an outburst, which he hasn't had in a while since he's been able to speak to people about his struggles. So the silence pierces a sharp fear into them all.

Taehyung knew the outburst would come eventually, he could see it in Jungkook's eyes as the blonde stood in the middle of the kitchen beside Hoseok as the older made peanut butter and jam sandwiches at the counter.

All seemed good. Jimin and Yoongi went out to a restaurant after the ravenette had a rapid relapse earlier, Yoongi wanting to make sure that the younger could build more good memories around eating rather than seeing it as something forced upon him. Namjoon and Jin are writing songs together upstairs, and the situation with Jungkook, Taehyung, and Hoseok seems alright.

Or so Taehyung thought.

The door opens and it's Jimin and Yoongi, back after having lunch together. They're smiling, laughing and talking about random inside jokes as they walk to the couch. Gentle guitar can be heard from Namjoon's room. But Jungkook is silent and expressionless, not looking at anyone.

The youngest's mind is filled with questions, emotions, and pain. The familiar twitching feeling at his wrists is triggered once again. The blonde's eyes catch sight of the knife block. No one is keeping an eye on him. No one is thinking about what he'll do. No one cares. So his eyes meet the sharp, black handled kitchen knives again.

Seven knives.

Seven choices.

Sudden anger fills the boy's system as he looks over at Hoseok. Remembering all the pain that he has caused. How easily they forgave him. But then again, he thinks of himself for a moment. He thinks of himself for a moment. However, the anger towards the humming brunette stirs a volcano in his rib cage. A storm in his stomach.

The moment the blond grabs the largest knife, Hoseok turns around. The whole moment the older appearing as a blur, in slow motion. Jungkook can only see red. Hoseok can only see red.

Yet the red was literal.

Specifically, a blur of short red hair.

-//-

1 week later

The graveyard was cold on that solemn Friday.

Jungkook's face covered in salty tears, a bouquet of bluebell flowers in his hands, flowers that contain a mind held photo book of memories for the one he loved so dearly.

Jungkook let's put a choked sob. The name on the gravestone one he wished he'd never have to see, the guilt piled on his shoulders because of his horrible deed that was the cause of the beautiful name engraved on the stone.

A warm hand rubs circles on the youngest's back as he continues to cry, memories of the one he killed with his own impulse flooding through him causing a reverberating headache.

"Jungkook-ah, it's okay, it's okay." The older tries to calm the boy down, smooth voice somewhat helping. Jungkook looks away from the stone, unable to keep looking at the grey surface.

Instead the blonde keeps eye contact with his lover.

Taehyung pulls the younger into a loose hug, still rubbing small circles and letting the blonde cry into his shoulder. Jungkook's voice comes out as hoarse.

"I-I feel so b-bad.. I did t-this.. it's my fault I-I killed my own m-mom.." Jungkook cries, the memory haunting every corner of his being. "A-and I almost did the s-same thing to H-Hoseok.. a-and y-you.. and I love you!"

The older continues to comfort him, kissing his forehead softly and muttering whispered words of solemn affirmation. It was never Jungkook's fault. Taehyung knows this. Intermittent explosive disorder is nearly impossible to control, and is like a completely different person than the body's host. And the redhead understand this, because DID is quite like that as well.

The soft wind blow through the sparse trees, the green grass and many flowers in the graveyard meant to invoke a peaceful atmosphere. But Jungkook was not peaceful.
It is his mother's birthday, and because of 'him' she couldn't live to celebrate it.

However the boy was not triggered to kill his mother for no reason. The woman was caring, and gentle, but only when she wasn't completely buzzed. Jungkook's mother had multiple serious addictions. Hard drugs, that changed her to a whole other person. Angry, homophobic, irresponsible, crazy. One day she went too far, and with fear and impulse the younger did something he thought impossible. He stabbed her.

With a kitchen knife.

"Hey, do you want to go home?" Taehyung asks, noticing the blonde's state getting worse. "You can put of your favourite hoodie and we can watch that movie you wanted to see."

Jungkook sniffles and lets a small smile grace his face. "You ordered it? Call Me By Your Name?"

Taehyung nods.

And that day became a lot happier than it usually would be for Jungkook. They went home and watched the movie, Taehyung ended up crying a river at the end, but then they talked for at least an hour about how they'd never leave each other.

And Jungkook couldn't help but think that his real mother, without the drugs or homophobia, would've really liked Taehyung.

-

A/N
Thank you all. So much.

15 thousand reads. A qualification for the Watty's. All of this is great but really, there's something more attached to this.

Through my writing I've expressed my own story through recovering from mental illness and I've gotten so much better since the beginning of this book. It shows me that if I could recover, others can too, and that gives me a lot of hope.
Though I have my ups and downs, I'm getting better each day, and I'm excited to see what else I can write and share.

Btw I'm 5th in the world on Superstar Bts this week and that's more important tbh

BUT
IM STILL LONELY AND WANT A BOYFRIEND WHO ACTUALLY LOVES ME FOR ONCE FOR FUCKS SAKE

UGH

-Cayson