"we were like glitches in a script coded game, we messed everything up."
Mental Disorder AU
Started - July 1 2018
Ended - July 31 2019
Ranks:
#267 in jeongguk
#38 in mentaldisorder
#42 in insomnia
#401 in emotional
#1 in schizophrenia
A/N. Sorry about how crap and rushed that last chapter was, it was really bad and don't even try to bullshit me otherwise lmao. I just wanted to get something up so that I can move this slow ass story along 👏👏 This one will be better since I've been practicing my skills and have gotten some inspiration so enjoy this crappity chappity.
To hold on takes more courage than it does to let go. No matter how low.
-
An acoustic guitar placed on two crossed legs, sitting atop of pearly white bedsheets with the scent of musky vinegar like old swiss chard. Pale closed eyelids and long eyelashes splayed in tear clumps across a pink haired man's cheeks, warm waterfalls no longer present on the soft seemingly untouched skin. Only dried lines from where the devastation was previously obvious.
Finger tips draw across the strings of a dusty guitar, settled heart rate resting inside the previously shattered man's no longer unsteady chest, with gentle breaths and tuned in ears to the sweet melody of an old love song playing in the small room's bare confines.
If Namjoon could use one word to describe Seokjin right now, it would be blissful. Closed eyes no longer darting around every edge and corner at the little movements of invisible shadows, nothing chasing him anymore.
Call him old fashioned, but the way the pinkette's fingertips glide across the strings and play a gentle tune reminds him of the old bakery he'd visit every Tuesday morning when he was in Highschool. The calming strides of street performer's playing unnameable instruments outside the shop, muffled by the thin glass windows as the sun rises up over the town buildings.
It was so beautiful, almost as beautiful as Seokjin. But nothing could top how the older looked right now, legs crossed over a snowy white duvet, barely tuned wooden guitar in his oh so beautiful hands.
The ceiling fan circles gently above them, Namjoon's hands resting in his lap as his eyes graze every small feature of the older that he had never seen in him before.
"Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes. But it's the only thing that I know."
Broken yet beautiful words slide off the older's tongue with the melody of the instrument, almost like whispers of the shadows yet oh so beautiful that's it's hard to believe light could ever pass through again.
Beautiful. That's the only word that Namjoon could use to describe Seokjin right now.
Oh so beautiful.
~-~-~
"Can you leave us alone for a little while?" Yoongi asks the three curious boys that are sitting near him and Jimin. "I need to talk to Jimin."
Hoseok immediately grasps the cheesecake haired boy's hands, tugging them along out the living room while whispering gibberish that Jimin didn't understand.
It's just the two of them now, gentle guitar playing from upstairs and the whirring of a house heating fan. Jimin's foot taps the floor nervously as the lilac haired man's catlike eyes burn into the side of his head like lasers.
"What happened to you?" Yoongi asks bluntly, Jimin catching a cold yet beautiful stare from the corner of his bloodshot eyes.
"I-It was just my ex-girlfriend. She was a tiny bit harsh.." Jimin mumbles. He could swear he felt the older shift closer to him, sure of it once he feels a warm hand move a stray piece of hair behind his ear.
"A tiny bit harsh huh." Yoongi guffaws, looking at the younger's skeleton like profile. "You never really let me meet her, only described her to me."
"Because she wanted me all to herself, she wanted me to be beautiful like her." Jimin whispers in the same tone of the fan. "I don't know why I miss her, Ana.."
"Ana, huh?" Yoongi's heart immediately skips a beat, his eyes widening like a deer in headlights. "I don't believe it.."
"Hyung?"
"Ana wasn't a real person Jiminie, she was just the voice in your head." Yoongi says, hearing Jimin sniffle and seeing his long thin eyelashes aim down to his bony hands.
"I-I know... b-but I loved her Yoongi hyung. I thought she'd make me finally happy." Jimin admits, feeling his hands become warmer. He notices Yoongi's pale hands are clasping his own, an unfamiliar feeling bustling in his stomach. "Now I'm just.. ugly."
"Mini, you aren't ugly." Yoongi insures, seeing a single tear fall down Jimin's cheekbone. "You've always been beautiful."
"Yoongi." Jimin chuckles dryly. "I'm all skin and bones. I'm dying, how can you even think I'm beautiful."
"Because you haven't changed."
"Huh?"
Jimin turns his head to look into Yoongi's dark chocolate eyes, his pale skin clean with no makeup, a sky of starlike freckles speckled across his face like constellations in a clear midnight dream.
"You're the same person you always were Jiminie. You're hiding it because you're scared Ana will hurt you for being yourself, for not controlling who you are. You're still bound by her stupid rules, even though you're technically free." Yoongi says, rubbing his thumb into the back of Jimin's cold palm. "You're the same Jiminie I met back then, you just need to find yourself again. It's somewhere, in here."
Yoongi pokes at Jimin's chest, the younger giggling slightly as he lets his lips curve up into the golden eye smile. Yoongi's eyes sparkle with fascination, that smile that he'd only imagined in his dreams for so many empty years of hospitalisations and bloody cuts on wrists and ankles.
"I missed that smile so fucking much, you don't even know." Yoongi sighs, seeing Jimin's eyes open back up to that shining chestnut colour he hasn't seen in so very long. "I missed you so fucking much, Mini."
"I missed you too Yoongi hyung."
Those words he'd longed to hear are much better in reality than in his imagination, remembering the old days simply from that rich voice the he fell in love with the first time he heard it.
"Jiminie.. I want to help you get better." Yoongi comes to a conclusion that no matter what, he'll keep this boy alive.
"I'm not sure if I can.."
"I know you can. Just try, for me?"
"I'll try."
Even if he can't stay alive himself.
-~-~-~-
A/N
My parents literally brought me out to lunch at A RESTAURANT with our whole family and the anxiety was real. I had to order something, so I ordered avocado toast and I'm glad it was only two pieces because I never eat lunch and I swear I would've had a panic attack if I had any more.
Anyway this chap was was better than the last, it was mainly a descriptive filler for characterization and shit so (-.-)
-scotty
P.S. bts are in Canada yay they've stepped on my soil
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