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16

If I could choose a flower that reminded me of you, I'd choose a gardenia.
Because they're so beautiful yet wilt so quickly.

-

Chapter 3:
If I could feel again

-

Seokjin is asleep, and Namjoon is awake. So as usual, the younger is reading through his journal again, reliving memories he had written down in it long ago.

Ever since he had gone through a traumatic event in Highschool, he lost all faith in his emotions and suppressed them to the point where he can barely feel anymore. What traumatic event you may ask? Well,

When Namjoon was 14 years old, his emotions got out of hand. He had a bad day and had a lot of anger bubbled up inside his system, and he wanted to punch a punching bag so hard that it would break into a million little pieces like his now shattered heart.

He was in the passenger's side of his brother's car, scratching at his red knuckles as a habit when he's anxious. His brother asked, "What's up with you champ? Have a hard day?"

Namjoon didn't want to respond, he didn't want to take out his anger on his brother whom he loved so dearly. But not everything can be perfect, "Like you would know, you're so perfect. Quarterback with the cheerleader girlfriend, a loyal group of friends. Do you even know what it's like to feel fucking worthless all the time?"

"Joonie, chill down, I understand how you feel,"

"Bullshit!" Namjoon yells, his brother turning his attention to him.

"Brother, calm down-"

"HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO-"

CRASH

The steering wheels turned and one broke, loud screeching of metal the only sound that could be heard before Namjoon's sight went black.

He woke up in the smoke of the accident, a piece of glass stuck in his forearm. All he could think of was his brother, but when he turned his head-

"Joonie?"

Joonie.

"Namjoon are you ok?" Jin speaks up, startled by seeing warm waterfalls cascading down the silver haired's cheeks in the glow of the moonlight.

"I-I'm- I'm.. crying?" Namjoon breathes, his eyes adjusting to the view of Jin's concerned face beside his own. The younger's rapid heartbeat calms down as Seokjin sets a warm hand on his chest.

"Do you want a hug?" Namjoon takes no time to nod at the older's question, Jin snuggling up to him and squeezing him slightly. "It's okay to cry. We all cry."

"Y-Yeah. Thanks hyung." Namjoon whispers, feeling the fabric of his own long sleeved shirt that Jin's wearing through the material of his thin t-shirt. He's warm, giving the younger a sense of comfort.

Because Seokjin makes him feel things, and he usually doesn't feel things.

"No problem Joonie."

"Someday you'll find someone you love, and love is the same as comfort and endearment. But you'll get a warm, soft feeling in your chest. It shouldn't hurt, that's heartache." His brother's words run through his mind, remembering what the boy had told him when he turned 12. "When you find someone you love, you'll feel it. You'll want to protect them. And if they love you to, they'll want to protect you too."