Notorious Hope

32. the past will come back to haunt you

North Side Hospital, Mental Institution Unit-9: 32 am

''Do I have to do this? I mean I think we all know I'm a little screwed up already. I don't need a medical professional to reiterate that for me. No offence Ma'am.''

Stone cold plastic chairs. Walls plastered with medical analogies, medical professionals advice and posters of what a 'supposedly' healthy child looks like.

''None taken, Miss Jones. I just want to remind you that this is a safe place. Nobody here is gonna judge you.''

She swivels towards her desk, attaining photos that give Riley instant anxiety. 

As she waits her eyes wander around the room. Her father and mother, despite their differences, agreed to come along to support their daughter. Especially in a scenario of this climax. Her boyfriend is placed right next to her. Intertwining their hands and placing her head on his shoulder. 

''Okay, I'm going to hold up a photo and then you are going to tell me what your first thought is.''

The photograph depicts the steel gates of a school. Tenebrous haze conceals the backdrop. Her mother's disappearance jogs her hazed memory.

''Abandonment. The day my mother left she dropped us all of at school.''

Her doctor copies down notes into her already bulging file of Riley's. 

''If it's alright with you, would you care to elaborate from your own personal perspective on this particular matter.''

She bites the bullet. Her mother's glare of disappointment trickles down the brunette's spine.

''From what I remember...''

**7 years old**

''Kids! It's time to go to school''

As per usual on their morning agenda, small footsteps pitter-patter down the staircase. Elliot, Jughead, Stiles, Riley and Auggie clamper down the stairs in a jungle.

''Mommy, I need my coat!''

Joshua is a perfectionist, can't leave the house without looking good from head to toe. Wearing his coat that he received recently for Christmas from Grandma.

''Okay, there we go. C'mon we're gonna be late''

Unlike most mornings there's a sombre tone clouding the ride. Their mother's not singing and playing the music loudly as per usual. Instead, she looks ahead towards the road with intent.

''Mommy, can we go to Grandma's after school?''

This is too much. Her past haunts her memories. These children don't deserve to be brought into her shit.

''Of course, El. Just remember to call Daddy to pick you up from Grandma's when your ready, okay?''

 Kissing each of her children on the head, squeezing them extra tight.

''You look out for your brothers at school today, okay? They can be loose canons sometimes and make sure Daddy picks you up before bedtime.''

Holding her daughter's winter coat in her palms.

''Okay Momma''

Ruffling her children's hair affectionately, before giving one last glance.

''Momma loves you''

 ***

"Dad never picked us up from Grandma's that day. Grandpa dropped us off and I vividly remember that he was flat out drunk when we came home. Mom was nowhere to be found and I felt neglected and abandoned. Why did you leave us, Mom?''

At this point, there's not a dry eye in the office. 

''I had spent time reflecting on my life. Work was beginning to mount down on me. I was married to a gang leader who struggled with alcoholism and multiple drug addictions. My children were the only thing that was keeping me from leaving. But then I decided to give you a better chance at life. When I arrived in Portland temporarily I was miserable. But then a year went by, I met my new co-worker, Terrance Friar.''

The brunette peeks over at her boyfriend, who's avoiding eye contact as he connects the dots. 

''I knew that it was wrong. I harboured my feelings for as long as I could. But, we fell in love. One thing left to another and a year later we were married with twins, two boys. Then within another year, we blessed again with a daughter'

Handing Riley a photograph depicting a family portrait. A young girl, barely 5 perched on her mother's lap. With identical twin boys pressing a hand on their mother's shoulder. As their father patriotically stands behind them.

''They're currently in the process of moving from Texas down here to be with me. The kids are very excited to meet you. I j-''

 The mousse locked teen is horrified at her mothers' casual way of dealing with a heavy topic.

''Fucking hell, you really are as bad as Dad said...''

Riley skirts out of the room faster than a cowboy riding a bull. But not before utter one last sentence

''Go to hell, Gladys''