Hetalia One-Shots (On Crack!!!1!!)

Vampire OWO

Once Upon A Thyme there was a dudd named Bobby Quagmire. He was the freakin ugliest man u ever saw. He had a potato nose and tomatoes for eyes. Its blooood was pasta sauce and its hair was noodles and its brains was made of sauerkraut.

He was the illegitamite love child of Itary and Germanly. They created it during a cooking class with Obama and Wapan.

It soon sprouted wings made of meatballs and wurst and sprouted excrement from its bum. It only spoke the truth in the presence of our lord and savior, Daddy Doitsu.

Now Daddy Doitsu was best dad and lowkey pimp. He be out flirtin with those female potatos, yum. This made Mamitalia very cross and angrily play Despacito in the living room while Bobby looked on morbidly curious as to why mamitalia was doing the salsa at 4am. Then Pimpy Daddy Doitsu would come home with Even Pimpier Uncle Gilbert and they would default dance to My Chemical Romance's Black Parade.

"VEN I VAS A YOUNG BOI MY VATER TOOK ME INTO ZE CEETEE TO SI A SHADY VAN" Screeched Pimpier G.
"uhhhhhhhhhhhhh ja" said Pimp Daddy Doitsu, the all powerful, wondering what he was doing and why his brother's eyes were suddenly black and soulless.

"EYY GURL WHERE'S THE SALAD PAPI HUNGRY" Growled mamitalia, suspiciously casually putting away a book titled 'How To Murder Potatoes Without Getting Caught'.

Bobby Quagmire was an astute child. He read books such as "The Unicorn Slaughter of 1812" and "Robby Bobby Rory Tory Pickleman Takes a Poo". But that was random.

Bobby Quagmire finally spoke his first words now. But he could only speak the truth. "EY DAD GOTTA TELL YA SOMETHING"
"EY SON WHAT" said Holy Doitsu.
"First of all, you're a pimp and your brother is on crack. Second of all, mamitalia is having an affair with the milkman. Third of all, the authors of this story are sleepdeprived roasted peices of mood."

"WOAH DAS HAWT" Gaybert screams from the kitchen, snorting cereal powder and crushed up candied almonds that he got from the trashcan.

All of the suddeeeeen Dean Winchester YEETED through the window to the wall wearing a clown suit (its his true passion).

"YEE YEE" scremed Den Winefester, slamming a faygo. "I CAME TO HUNT MONSTERS AND U MIGHT BE ONE BOBBY QUAGMIRE"

"Aw shite m8" said Bobby Boo his face full of misplaced sympathy. "Im a hella vampire. Waddup i drink pasta sauce and human remains and junk e-mails." He paused, his mozzerella quivering "Yall are ugly and uncultured pieces of horse hooves if u dont do da same"

Dean Winchester snorted in disgust. "Hipsters" he said, turning into Batman and disappointing into another dimension"

"Well thats solved" said Romayo, who is living in their vents "Get off my damn lawn you shrimpy perverted hoes!""

"Who invited you?" Said Mamitalia, brandishing a wooden spoon and snorting a package of taco cheese. "HOw U saY oH AnArChy"

And then mamitalia beat all of them because mamitalia was the true mack daddy.

My name is Donald J. Trump and I approve this message.