An awful Hetalia story collection, with most chapters being a sleep-deprived collab between two absolute idiots. Started in our freshman(?) year of high school, we're now 2 assholes in college who write this stuff just because we think we're funny...
Berwald the Gay was in a predicament. He was sad and lonely, and everyone was scared of his serial killer-esque face :( XD lol x3
Then, he remembered that he had just downloaded Grindr.
Ah ha! He thought. I'll see wh't th' sexy s'ngles are up to.
He logged on to his Grindr profile that he had made the night before
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Berwald "Sweden" Oxensterna
498 years old 5'11 White Currently:Single
BIO
Lookin' fer the perfect guy t' call m'wife <3
Likes: - IKEA - Guys - Dogs - Deals on Ebay - Men - Meatballs - Knitting - Miley Cyrus Symphony no. 69
Dislikes: - Danes
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Berwald nodded to himself. The fine honeys would come flocking soon. I mean, he was a catch.
Then he gasped, realizing that he was not 6'0, and only 5'11. The fine honeys would never flock now :(
He decided to at least try to scroll to see if anyone was interested in him.
Su-san-sama was rejected many times because men below 6'0 were not men, as the wise forum of Twitter had told him. Then, he stumbled upon the profile of the most beautiful person he'd ever seen.
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Tino
130,000 years old 5'7 White Currently: refusing to pay taxes
BIO:
Looking for my next victim 🤪👀🥫
Likes: -arson 🔥🧨🚒 -bathing in blood🥫🙈💕 -watching cat videos 😼 -doing the sprinkler in the woods at 3am 🌲💦🕞 - GUNS 🔫🔫🔫 - my dog, Hanatamago 🐾
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He was perfect. Tino was such a dream boat, and he and Su_san had a lot in common already. Berry-werry-wald tapped to message Tino, who also swiped right.
They messaged back and forth, with Ber-swede complimenting Fonland and Fin asking Swe if he was with the police or FBI or IRS. Eventually, they decided to meet up for a date ♡
They decided on going to a small local park to steal children's souls. Tino had thought of the idea, and Berald couldn't believe what a gentleman and how romantic tino was.
They decided that the souls wouldn't be eaten by them, since Tino was on a No-Child-Soul diet. It was the latest craze among the youth.
Instead, they would feed them to Hanatamago in order to make her an interdemissional portal demon to transport them to their dinner reservations later at the Mickey Mouse's Diner in the 7th gate of hell.
Berwald jumped into his hot pink Volkswagen and pressed the gas to the floor, destroying his garage.
"Oops i had it in rev'rse.." he mumbled, and correctly maneuvered out of his driveway, narrowly missing the neighbors walking their pet iguana.
He sped all the way to the park, hitting multiple children and old ladies. Instead of parking his hot pink Volkswagen, he crashed it into a tree. He walked out of it calmly, his usual stoic expression on his face. He walked away in slow motion as his car blew up in an epic, uninsured explosion.
Berwald walked up to what he thought was his grindr date. Tino was facing away from him, sitting on a park bench, possibly deciding which children on the playground to put in his basement to then feed to his dog, Hanatamago.
Su-san shook him violently on the shoulder. His grindr date turned around and...
'Are those....anime girl tiddies?' Berwald thought to himself. He wasn't sure, because he had never seen tiddies before.
"Hi im tina" the grindr stranger said. "im your date"
Berwald shook his head in disbelief. "B-but... big mommy milkers!"
Tina nodded. "Yes," she said. "I joined grindr to be the token female."
Berwald was so taken aback that he hit the woah and the stanky leg simultaneously.
"No" berwald said and jumped into a portal made out of the pizza roll that was in his pocket, created with his overpowered stanky-legging.
He had been tricked! There was no Tino! Oh, he was so sad.
"im depressed" said Susan, transforming into a 14 year old girl before reverting back to his natural state. "I'll have to go to Mickey Mouse's Diner myself"
So he did.
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A/N: For anyone confused, I'm not calling Finland a girl. His nyotaliavers. used him as a catfish picture
