Dangerous World

Nightmares

They started again, the nightmares, the ones that wake me up at night crying, the ones that make me lose my voice that I can't even scream for help. A clink on the plate sends my heart racing and I feel paralyzed. I want them to stop. I want all the pain to go away. My heart aches at night for a prince to save the princess with a kiss to awaken her from the nightmares. That is all I want, because I want to be happy and feel safe and loved. Why do people keep hurting me all I ask is to be loved for and cared to be held tightly in someone's arms and for them to tell me everything is going to be ok. I don't want to sleep at night alone nor would I want to sleep with someone who makes me feel alone. I want to be the person I used to be. The one where nobody would leave her behind as she sits there being tortured in which the human eyes sees it as respect for which I do not. How could I wish for all of that knowing I don't deserve it because to me I'm not worth it if it hasn't already happened. These nightmares make me scratch at myself as if it is a rash trying ever pill to make this all go away but nothing work not even in a world filled with magic where with one snap you would think you can make all the bad go away. I hide myself from the world as I only let them see the side I want them to see and not the one that is broken the one who looks helpless. I want to make other people happy and that is what I do, but sometimes when you try to hard to make people happy they tend to drift and make you sad. I wondered why people left in my life why every time I asked them to go out they would say " I forgot" or " I'll tell you later" knowing that they don't really care they just don't want to say no because maybe one day I accidentally showed them the side I tried to hide. I wish I had someone who can listen and understand and really see my hurt as not pity, but just hurt that just by them saying your not alone or just a hug and them letting me cry would make all the hurt go away, it would make me feel...loved. Days go by as I stay up at night hoping that one day if I fall asleep there will never be any nightmares and that all those nightmares would hopefully turn into a beautiful dream...somehow.