Never the Same

Chapter 15

I'm staring down at the different boxes of pain killers the doctor has prescribed for me. I've yet to take some today and it's only because Lyla has just returned from getting them for me. I don't like taking tablets for things if I know I can handle the pain but the pain I'm experiencing at this very moment in time is something I can't handle.

"You family are coming over for dinner tonight," Luca announces, walking into the kitchen. "I know I said we'd spend time together today but I'll need to spend it cooking for everyone when I'd ideally get a chef in to do it."

I don't respond to his announcement. I can hear it loud and clearly, don't get me wrong, but I just don't respond to it. I don't want to respond to it when I have a month's worth of pain killers sitting before me, waiting to be taken to ease all the pains I'm feeling.

Luca moves around behind me before placing a glass of water down on the worktop next to my medications. "You need to start taking them, Kaylee. They'll help make you feel better."

I nod ever so slowly.

"It's only for a short time." He stands directly behind me and runs his hands lightly up and down over my shoulders, taking care to not touch my collar bone on the right side. "I promise you everything will get better."

I look up at the ceiling and blink rapidly as a way of trying to stop myself from crying.

"I know," I croak, "but I don't want to have to rely on them to make me feel better."

"Kaylee, we'll get through this. I have a lot of people looking into what happened and I've asked for the police officers to hold off talking to you until tomorrow morning. They wanted to talk to you today but I told them that it's too much for you to handle to do that the now."

I look back at the worktop and nod with my lips pressed firmly together. "Thank you."

"Try and think of happy thoughts," he encourages.

I scoff. "And what are they if they exist?"

"We'll be married by the end of the year," he answers.

I know he's grinning at the thought of our wedding happening soon but I can't do that. I can't think of us planning our wedding when I'll most likely still be suffering from the effects of the accident. I can't tell how long it will take for me to get better but I know for sure that I won't be well enough to get married in the time frame we set out to be married by. I want to be better but with everything that's going on and all at the one time, I can't see it happening.

"We're not doing that anymore, Luca." I reveal.

I reach for a box of pain killers, reading the label to see what my dosage is a day and take two out the box. I put them in my mouth and swallow them with a large gulp of water.

"Why? I thought we were in an agreement."

I turn in his hold and shove at him to move away from me. "Because I'm in too much fucking pain to even comprehend planning a fucking wedding!"

My tears finally fall and Luca's chest rises and falls on a silent intake of breath. I look away from him and fist a hand into my hair.

"I can't plan something that's supposed to be a happy moment in our lives when someone has deliberately tried to kill me and my best friend. I can't get my mind off of what happened and every time I close my eyes, I can hear Allison's screams and the banging sounds of the other two cars hitting into us. I can't . . . I just can't do this right now, Luca. I'm sorry."

I walk out of the kitchen as fast as I can and walk up the stairs. I'm half expecting Luca to follow me but he doesn't. I can't even see him standing by the kitchen door like I thought he would at least be doing, but he's not.