Snowdrops

Chapter 16: The Real Reason

Chapter 16

The Real Reason

Monica Levi POV

I felt a hand caressed my face gently, and brushed off the strands of hair in my face. I slowly opened my eyes, I found Patrick staring at me with an amused smile. “Time to wake up, sleepy head. We’re already here.”

I looked out on the window and saw a tent with a table and two chairs at the peaceful shore. Patrick went out of his jeep and run to my side to open the door for me. He grabbed my hand and escorted me to the tent. ‘why did he suddenly became a very gentleman guy, is there something going to happen?’ I asked my inner self. I’m starting to get nervous. Mr. Dirk suddenly appeared out of nowhere to my side and served my favorite blueberry Pancakes and bacon. ‘Where in the world did he came from? or was he standing here since we got arrived and I just didn’t notice him?’ I looked at Patrick in confusion and ws about to ask what was really going on but he looked like blood was drained out of him. What is really going on?

We both quietly ate our breakfast, you’ll feel the awkwardness on the two of us. As the sun started to show up, Patrick stood up from his chair and went to my side. He looked at me directly to eyes and held my hands. I’m confused and i got more nervous in his action. ‘Oh no, don’t tell me, this is gonna happened. No Patrick please.’ 

As he knelt down at my side and deeply inhaled; he opened his mouth and said, “I know this is crazy but I can’t help to ignore and hide this feeling inside. I felt something strange here in my heart every time we’re together; or even when you’re not by my side. I don’t know when it started; but I know why I feel it. This heart of mine needs nothing more than your love. Your my sky Monica, your my everything. This is love... I love you, Monica...” I can see the sincerity in his eyes. The eyes that I dreamed of, the words that I want to hear of, the feelings that I wished for.. But I can’t return his love for me. He should not love me. 

I stood up and backed away, tears falling in my eyes. This are the words that I feared to hear from him, words that could hurt both of us. “I can’t.” He looked at me with a hint of pain in his eyes. And cupped my face and asked why.

“No one should love me, Pat. They should not.” 

He rest his forehead as he tried not to cry. “Why? why I should not love you?”

“I could hurt you more than this Pat, if I return your love for me. Hurt that will make you fear for love.” I explained.

“How? How could you hurt me more? I could be the happiest man on earth if you love me. Let’s not be afraid of love Monica, Please.” He kissed my forehead as he begged for me.

“I’m not like those girls -” He gently pushed me a bit to see my face as he cut me off.

“Of course, your not any of them. You’re different, You’re special, You’re one of a kind Monica!” He wiped my tears away. I closed my eyes and swallowed my breathe. I really want to keep this secret inside me, but I think this the right time to let him know the real reason why he shouldn’t love me, why I can’t return his love and why I no one should ever try and dare to love me.

“I’m sick Pat.” Now, his expression changed to worry. As he placed the back of his hand in my forehead to check if I have a fever.

“And I’m dying... There might be no cure for me... That’s why you shouldn’t love me.” I snatched his hands and held them tight “I’m really sorry.” His face was really red and he was biting his lips to the point that it was about to bleed. 

“My dad died because of brain tumor and sad to say, I guess It’s going to happen to me too.” tears started to fall from his eyes, still shocked from the words that I just dropped.

“You should stop loving me now Pat, I’m not worthy to be loved by anyone. I’m just a walking representation of pain and I don’t want any one to be graced by it especially you ” I paused as I felt the sun rise from the sky. I cupped his handsome face and looked directly into his eyes as I sadly said, “Sooner or later there will come a time that the sunrise will never shine on me. And loving me will only lead to tragedy. I don’t want you to suffer, I don’t want you to feel any pain Pat. Coz I love you... I don’t want to hurt you more.. I’m sorry.” I walked away leaving him all alone at the shore. I felt pain... Pain that would leave a scar in my heart. Heart, who felt like dying right now. But this heart will always love that person that I left just behind.