Pov Camila I left the bathroom with no emotion at all, and I saw her now resting one hand on the glass, her back to me. Her posture seemed tense, and from the load of so much energy emanating from her, I could even say that she was hating that situation as much as I was. But no one could be worse off than I was at that moment. Not in that room, nor outside it. I stood, staring lifeless at her back as I waited for her to tell me what she wanted from me. If before being ignored did not bother me, now I wanted attention. He just wanted to do what he had to do soon and get out of there as quickly as possible. - Sit down. I was surprised by her husky voice, ripping the silence of the room roughly, but I recovered from the shock quickly and went to sit on the edge of the high bed. She turned to face me, and though her posture remained controlled and rigid, there was a rather obvious hesitation in her indifferent expression as her eyes met mine. Feeling that her wall of resistance might be starting to crumble, she hastened to speak. "Why did you leave The Hills?" "Because I could not stay there any longer. I answered immediately, surprised by the calmness and lack of life in my voice. "Why not?" "Why are you so curious?" "I want to know what's so bad about it to get you out of there and prefer to do a show with anyone on any corner." - To prefer? Do you think I prefer it? Do you think I'd be that way if I had the option? I should be yelling at her for her absurd and stupid conjectures, and because she knew nothing. And because she had no right to want to know anything about my life. Not after leaving me. However my voice was still calm and weak, as if I was having a pleasant conversation about that band that I like Fifth Harmony. "Then why did you leave?" Why was she in that filthy corner like that? Why did he lend himself to this role? - Because I'm a whore. For the second time that night, I saw my words strike her full, and for the second time the shock took over her expression. But this time, in addition to shock, there was also an unmistakable trace of guilt in his eyes, and I knew why. My goal was not to reach her, but it was impossible not to remember that those words were the last things I heard from her before she left me. It was nice to know that I could also stir some reaction in her. So I did not feel disadvantaged by the fact that almost everything she said hit me with unbearable force, making me barely able to keep up with every blow. It was good to know that she was not as well, as indifferent, and as controlled as she looked. "You were not like that." Her posture was gradually changing. Now she did not look so safe, but rather someone who wants to convince herself that everything is under control. Her eyes were less cold and by the way of not knowing where to put her hands, I could tell she was nervous. - I changed. - I'm seeing. "Do not you dare judge me. I said, still very calm, and I felt a tear trickle down my face before I could avoid it. I looked away from her mechanically, now looking down at the floor. "I'm not judging you ... I just do not want to see you like this ..." "Do not give me such antics. My calm was starting to scare me. "You do not give a shit about me or the things I do.- You do not know anything! "No, you do not know anything. Nothing that I had to go through because of you. You have no right to worry about me at all after what you did. - It does not matter if I have the right or not, I worry! - It's a lie. I heard her fickle breathing, as if she was losing the control she pretended to have all this time and was going to explode. And I was hoping for that to happen, because only then all that was not said would be put out by both parties in that discussion. - It's not a lie ... - It's a lie. Do you know how long you've disappeared? Do you know how long I've been around, without anyone even knowing that I exist? How dare you say you care about me? I did not see his expression because I was not looking at her. My tears now fell freely, running down her chin and falling into her coat, and I did not want to face her so she could see in my eyes all the fragility I was trying to hide. "You do not know about things!" You do not know what I've been through too! His voice had reached a tone of unmistakable despair, and I delighted in making her lose control as my calm reached a frightening level. But I did not believe she was even comparing our situations. I smiled, even without the slightest will, still staring at the floor and feeling all the life that still existed in me fading with what I was about to do. In the end, the only thing worthy I would do tonight was tell her the truth. My pride would have been practically murdered, but if there was anything noble in me, in everything I felt, then I would tell her. Even knowing that nothing would change, nothing would improve. Even though I probably would feel even smaller. Even though I knew she could react in a way that humiliated me even more. "Do you want to know what happened to me?" It happened to you. Since you showed up in my fucking life I've been feeling better, a little happier. You made me believe that you were a nice person, that you cared a little about me. You made me want your company more and more, and feel empty when I was not with you. You were so lovely and considerate, even with your sudden personality changes, which I had no way of completely falling in love with you. And I knew I had no chance to make it work, because I knew my place and which was yours. But then you decided to stress it that way, humiliating me in front of everyone, making it clear that I would be nothing but what I was. Beyond what I am. So you disappeared, just disappeared, and that hurt a lot, because besides I never had any control over you, I believed when you said you'd be around. But you lied. So I had to get on with my life, but I just could not stop thinking about you. That's why I have not been able to do anything with anyone since you left. The very idea of having a program with someone other than you did me very badly. I asked Chloe to let me stay in The Hills even without work. I had to pay for my own programs, but it was obvious that I could not stay much longer there. I rented an apartment and tried to find a way in my life. I tried to get a job, but it seems like I'm no good at anything other than what you know I do. I could not get anything to pay my rent, so before I ended up having nowhere to live, I decided to do the only thing that gave me money. I know it's not a very nice profession, but honestly, lately I have not had much to do with it. Today was my first attempt, but of course you had to be the first to appear to see me in that state. And all this time, I had to deal with the fact that I was completely alone, and with her fucking memory that insisted on tormenting me every fucking day. And you know what is the saddest? That even now I can not stop liking you. And even if I regret it later, even if my life gets much worse after tonight, it's still better to be here telling you all this than I just refused to come with you. This makes me unfortunate. The truth is that you made me see how pathetic and weak I was, I may even hate myself for liking you, for still being in love with you in the same way, if not more, but there is nothing I can do.Because if I have not been able to forget you in so many months in your absence, it will not be now that I'm going to have any success. So you had bad times during that time? I do not know what happened, but I can bet you were not worse than me. I can bet my life is much harder than yours because you will never know what it feels like the way I feel now. You will never feel so ridiculous, so worthy. But if you want to do something for me, get it over with. You brought me here for some reason, so let's get to the point so I can leave at once. And please, please leave me alone after that. I have to tear you out of my life, even if it's the force, before it goes crazy in an irreversible way. I finally shut up, feeling my heart beat painfully in my chest and tears flowing wildly down my face. No matter what her response was, whatever it was. All I wanted was to end it and be able to breathe again away from it. I waited for her reaction, managing to control the crying a little and wipe the tears from her eyes. The silence of the room might have bothered me, and the lack of response might have made me feel even worse, but it did not. In the end, I knew she probably would not have the answer, but all I could do was wait. Wait until she gave me any sign that she consented to my request and that I could go ahead with what I should do. Suddenly, I felt the hairs on my neck pull down violently, causing my face to rise, and then I was face to face with her. His face was inches from me, so close that our foreheads leaned. She looked at me with an intensity I had never seen before, her fingers now migrating to my waist, squeezing her, but I did not complain. I took a moment to feel the power his nearness exerted on me, getting practically hypnotized by his eyes that insisted on staring at mine. Her breath was heavy against my face, and as she exhaled, I could smell the mint of her breath, arousing in me the nervousness I had managed to avoid all night. But the moment was brief. I was struck by his approach, feeling his mouth coming against mine. I was in shock. Stand still, with your eyes open, trying to assimilate the information. She seemed absorbed in her attempt, kissing me as she pulled me closer and closer to her. I wanted to be able to move, but not even the impatient dance that his tongue did was enough to get me out of the catatonic state in which I was. I was pushed back by the weight of her body and I lay flat on my back on the soft mattress with her still clinging to me. Noticing that I did not reciprocate her kisses, she moved her mouth away from mine and opened her eyes, staring at me now as if begging me to reciprocate. It was then that, as a click, I felt my whole body burn at once, almost entering into a kind of instantaneous combustion, pulling me out of the trance and finally pulling me back into reality. I threw myself on top of her and kissed her completely awkwardly, kissing her with all the will I had accumulated inside me. I felt her respond to my attitude, clinging to me again as I let her body weigh completely over mine. That kiss was perfect. Absolutely perfect. No matter how many times I had dreamed about that moment, nothing I imagined was anything but comparable to that. As I was accustomed to the movements of his lips in mine and the fit that his tongue made in mine, more surrendered and surrendered I felt, as if my life depended on that connection.It was as if everything I had gone through had been forgotten, and then nothing else was important enough, because she - she - was there. For a while, all I could concentrate on was that kiss and nothing that was outside of it was worthy of my attention. So I was taken by surprise as one of her hands suddenly caught my wrists above my head, while the other hand slid provocatively down my belly, over the fabric of my coat. I struggled to loosen my wrists from her grip, but obviously I failed. I was about to shout that she kissed me again, but it was not necessary, because at the same moment she already satisfied my desire, sliding her tongue back into mine as she raised her hand from my belly to one of my breasts. The kiss became even more intense, and I began to feel short of breath, but I did not care. Oxygen was not supposed to be that important, and the pleasure of breathing could not make up for the disappointment of feeling her pull away from me again. Lauren finally let go of my wrists and then I could move my hands again freely. My fingers immediately migrated to the button of his pants as I unzipped. Somehow I could not tell, in a short time she had managed to get rid of the rest of her clothes. It took a few seconds for me to realize that, and the next moment I had already thrown myself into his lap and grabbing at his neck like a drowned man grabs the float. I was simply surrendered and I was totally convinced of it. I knew full well that no surge of reason that could take me would be able to make me stop now because everything I wanted most in my life was happening. She had me in my hands, and I knew that this only happened because I was weak and vulnerable, and because I was exceptionally sensitive, but at that moment nothing, absolutely nothing beyond it mattered. I'd leave it to regret when it was over. I knew this was going to happen, but even that certainty would not be enough to keep me from carrying it on. Even if she ignored me when she was satisfied. Even if it all turned out to be a nightmare the moment I left her. Even if I were to suffer a thousand times more. I did not care. Not now. Not having her like that, even if it was only the result of her protective instinct a little sick and misrepresented. Even if that kiss did not have the same meaning for her as it had for me. I was numb, but I still knew that it was far from being a declaration of love on her part, as if my dreams had suddenly become all reality. I knew that by the time it was over, she would go back to her life and I would go back to mine, and even with that certainty, I could do nothing more than compromise with that. Because I did not have the strength to deny it. I was suffering too much, I needed too much to be carried away by any kind of pride, and if that was the definition of weakness, then let it be. In the end, I knew I was going to end up more injured than ever, but I would mind that later. After. Because she was there now, and that alone mattered. I gripped her hair in despair, wrapping her around so tightly that my muscles began to ache. I felt her pull up the coat I wore, and even wishing deeply that our tongues did not have to separate again, I allowed her to wipe the fabric through my head. I felt his hand move to the nape of my neck again, and I waited with closed eyes for his mouth, while his panting breath hit the skin of my face, still damp with recent sobbing. Since it was taking longer than I wanted, I opened my eyes and found her inches from me again. As if she were just waiting for me to do this, she finally leaned forward and staring intently into my eyes, intending to pin my gaze on hers, kissed me quickly but furiously. Once.Twice. Repeatedly, numbing me slowly and making me feel the intensity in every kiss, every touch, every flash of his gaze. I love you ... I love you ... I knew that if I said those words, I would take her unawares and maybe end that night. So that phrase was repeated only in my head, while enjoying the feel of every small part of his body touching mine. From his skin caressing mine, from his tongue dancing freely inside my mouth, and in the process, feeling his movements gradually become more urgent and stimulating. When our breaths became panting to the point that neither of them could get any further, Lauren leaned over and quickly opened the drawer of her nightstand, taking out a condom. I snatched the pack from her hands and opened it, trying to keep the lubricated rubber firm between my trembling fingers. I was surprised again by another invasive kiss, having to concentrate to finish the work that had to be done. I thanked her silently when I finally unrolled the condom across the length of her dick, between kisses and kisses, and immediately felt her hands lift me easily and positioned me on her lap. Without waiting any longer, I held his cock in one hand and placed it directly in my doorway. Almost instantaneously, she shifted forward, sliding all the way into me while still kissing me. I could not contain the high moan that escaped my lips with the feeling of being doubly invaded by her. From there, I focused on the rhythmic, synchronized movements that her hips and tongue now made inside me, and suddenly I was overwhelmed by a strange sense of peace. *** Following day. My body ached. It was the first thing I could see as I was drowsily trying to adjust to the newly re-enacted consciousness. I felt my body heavier than normal, which might have been the result of a long night's sleep, which I had already been unaccustomed to. Even if I weighed a few extra pounds, I could easily feel the level of relaxation I now found myself in, and if I were to be carried away by that fact, I would not have moved a muscle to even move my eyelids. But then I remembered why I was feeling that way, and my eyes opened immediately. I thought daylight would hurt my sleep-sensitive eyes, because as I remember, the curtains of glass windows were gathered the night before. But to my surprise, this did not happen. The black shutter was now closed, making the room only lit by a dim light coming from a large stylized lamp on the other side of the room. I wondered, because as much as the outer light was blocked, the room certainly would not look that way. I turned away, becoming more aware of the pains in my body, and realized that I was alone in the room.The sheet was all rolled up in me, which could mean that the occupant on the left side of the big double bed had been out of there for some time. It was then that I noticed the clock on the nightstand, which showed the current hours. My eyes registered the number 18:46, but it was the two later letters that made my eyes widen. 18:46 - WHAT? I got up quickly, ignoring the muscle aches, and looked around, looking for another watch to make sure it was not nearly 7pm. As I found none, I rushed to the bathroom and found on the counter in front of the mirror a wristwatch that now marked 18:47. - Oh shit! But where was she, after all? Why did not you wake me to ask me to leave? Why did you let me sleep almost until 7:00? - Shit! Shit! It took me a couple of seconds to whirl around in the same place, trying to remember where I'd left my clothes the night before. I finally looked up and saw my panties and blue dress hanging from the hook behind the door, a foot away from me. I grabbed the clothes and dressed quickly, thinking now of many things at once. Why had not she called me as soon as she woke up and saw me standing next to her? I could remember the few times I had been allowed to sleep in a client's bed, and in all of them I was rushed awake by customers who just wanted me to leave as quickly as possible. Apparently, this had been the first time in all this time that this had not happened. Where she was? We were on a Saturday, and as far as I knew, she only worked Monday through Friday. Maybe that was one day, where she was exceptionally busy and busy. But would not that be too much of a coincidence? Besides, I had my convictions that she would not go out and leave a prostitute alone inside her house. She was not stupid. Wherever she was, I had a certainty: When I found her, I knew that cold, hard posture would be there. So it was good that I did not start expecting cordial greetings and sweet words besides a '' Good afternoon, get out of my house. "That thought only added to my nervousness to find her. I wanted to look at her after that night, I wanted to see her before I had to say goodbye again. I could fantasize about that kiss, but I knew it had meant nothing to her. Maybe it had all been just the result of a possible guilt after my words, or some sort of relief from his protective instinct a little strange to me, but it would not be anything much further. Nothing that would make me have any kind of hope. I needed a shower. I could only say that to remember the night before, but that would be for another time. I shod my shoes and washed my face hastily, chewing with a mouthwash of mint that was on the counter and combing my fingers with my hair, trying to undo the knots in the locks closest to the head. Finally I looked in the mirror and was a little startled by my reflection. My lips were swollen and red from the night before. My eyes were also swollen and still reddish, probably from crying, and my neck had several hickeys. I noticed then that the bruises were spreading to the rest of the body, and although this was something known to me, I could not help but be surprised, since there had been some time since the last mark had appeared. When I realized that I was not going to get much better than that, I went out looking for my purse, which was supposed to be somewhere in the room. I found her hanging from the doorknob, then I turned around again and saw an extremely messy bed with rolled up duvet sheets and several small square pillows scattered on the floor. I folded and arranged everything in a hurry, putting everything in its proper place, and then I was able to leave.At that moment, I did not know if I was trying to be discreet and not make a noise until I reached the door, with some fear of having to face her again, or if I was looking for the house, and I could use it as a requirement for payment for the program. last night. I chose to walk carefully, taking care that the heels of my shoes did not make a loud noise and warned that I was about to leave, wherever she was. I came to the kitchen looking only at the floor, having the door for my sole purpose, and went before taking the last step to turn the knob I heard a throttle behind me. I turned around without a rush, finally looking into her eyes as she leaned over the counter with a notebook open in front of her. I knew I would not be wrong in my conjectures, and then I saw exactly what I expected to see here: A cold, hard posture, though not completely indifferent. It was not the same expression she had yesterday. As harsh as she seemed now, her eyes showed the opposite. It was not pity, compassion, anger or disgust. I could not tell what it was, but she was not completely indifferent to me, and no matter how small it was, I felt a breath of life take me suddenly. "Why did not you wake me up?" I was taken by surprise by the sound of my own voice, and wondered when I had developed the awkward ability to think aloud. "You looked exhausted. His voice also had the cold, dry tone of yesterday, but since I did not expect anything different from that, I did not care. Instead, I struggled to think of a good response to give, but I did not get any. Eat what you want. She said, pointing to the side, and for the first time I could see the huge amount and variety of food beside her. Breads, cookies, fruit, juices, teas, and sweets were spread out over the counter, while a coffee machine warmed the coffee. - I'm not hungry. It was a lie, I was starving, but I did not want to play desperate in front of her. - Do you want to have a low pressure or hypoglycemic crisis in the middle of the street? Do you know how long you have not eaten? I realized that it had been a long, long time since I had eaten it for the last time. She had no clue when asked the question, but still, she was right. Without waiting for my answer, she stood up and turned to retrieve the coffeepot behind her, looking away from me for the first time. She poured a good amount of coffee into a mug and shoved it discreetly at me. - Sit down. I sat down on one of the three tall benches that were arranged along the length of the counter, facing it as it was served with sugar. - Thanks. I spoke in a very low voice. She did not respond, and instead went back to the side, sitting down in front of the notebook and forgetting my presence there. I thanked her for it, getting more comfortable without her watching me. It was obvious that this meant that my presence there was still as important as a grain of dust, but at least she had not expelled me as I imagined she would do when she saw me standing. I drank all the coffee and ate three toasts without any filling. No more than that. Just as it was over, Lauren closed her notebook and got up, going against her keys on a side bench, which made me feel as though I was first anxious to be gone, and second , was paying attention to me all the time.I felt bad for being the reason for having her arrested at home, disrupting whatever her commitment was. I deeply wished that she had finally sent me away, or that I had woken up earlier. But it was late to mourn. I turned around and found Lauren already holding the door open for me, so I hurried out of the house. More by reflex than anything else, I hurried to sit in the passenger seat, and shortly after we left the garage again. I remembered the day before when I was in the same seat and did not know what to expect from the night. Now that it was over, I knew that I was approaching the farewell I knew to be necessary. Even if I had conditioned myself to accept it, and only had the exact notion of the damage it would do to me when I was living the moment. For an hour, I could almost say that I was comfortable beside him, while the trees and poles around us were falling behind. The silence, even though it was still unpleasant, was no longer so stifling, and it was not as if I wanted to demand a position from her for everything I had confessed to her the night before. I did not want to hear his arguments because I knew they would lead to a painful conclusion. I could be in love with her, and she might know that now. But I would expect no more than those two simple facts, so I did not need an answer or opinion on the subject. She had apparently accepted the truth without bothering, which was already too much. But it was time for each to go on with their lives, which in the end would end up happening anyway. Lauren leaned forward and turned on the radio, so I could hear a quiet, gentle song whose melody was developed only by a piano and nothing more. The recording did not seem to be professional, and a slight noise could be heard in the background, but that was not enough to take away the beauty of the song. I leaned my head back on the bench and let myself be carried away by the tranquility and peace it imparted as I tried to forget the pain in my chest, now growing closer to the moment when I would have to accept her estrangement in my life. - Do you like it? I opened my eyes immediately, looking at her. She was still on the road, and I might even say that she was not talking to me were it not for the fact that there was no one else in the car, and also because she did not have a cell phone in her ear. "Yes," I replied after a few seconds, making sure the word had actually been addressed to me. - It's me. I continued to stare at her, not quite understanding. She glared at me, and spoke again. - Touching. I play the piano. Of course, it was the way she knew how to do these beautiful things and that required some special talent. Maybe she also wrote poetry or things like that. - Ah. It's beautiful. It was the only words I could say, before I stopped looking at her like a psychopath and looking away from her, returning to my original position. - Thanks. He spoke cordially. That was the maximum interaction between us all the way through. The way back seemed to be longer if I took into consideration that now she was not running like crazy, sewing up traffic as she had done the night before. But since I wanted to be in your presence for as long as possible, it did not seem to be long before we finally got to my neighborhood. - Guide me. I did not want her to know where I lived, but I figured that my efforts to convince her to leave me anywhere would be in vain. So I gave her some instructions, and before I could regret it, we were already on my street. - It's here, thank you."Do you live in a shed?" She said, pointing sheepishly at the gate in front of us, at the beginning of the street. - No, it's at the end of the street. But I'm going. Before I could open the door and leave, she had already gone with the car again. It would have been easier to say yes, I lived in a shed. - On here? He spoke as he stood in the last building before the corner. "Yes. I heard the car being turned off, so I felt a thud in the stomach, but I forced myself not to let it show. It would be both strange and sad, because besides not knowing how to say goodbye to her, I did not want to. But in any case, few things in my life had been the way I wanted it, so it should not be so difficult to leave it. It should not be so hard, except for the fact that it was. Not just difficult, but unbearably painful. As I thought of something to say, even something useless that only served as the last word, she got out of the car. Apparently, everything she would do that day would catch me off guard, so I was surprised again by her attitude, leaving the car immediately to understand what she was doing. I realized that it was almost dark now, as I followed her up the stairs to the building where I lived. By now, I had stopped trying to predict their next behavior, because none of them matched what I had imagined. I walked past her as she held the door for me to enter, then stood at the foot of the stairs, turning back to face her. - Right ... - What's the floor? After all, what did she want? Up to my apartment? - Sixth. "I'm right behind you." That's exactly what she wanted. Even if it was directly against my will, I was letting myself be led by a hope that she might decide to say something else if I gave her more time there. It was a pathetic hope, but still, I turned back to the stairs and began to climb, allowing her to stay a little longer. Even if, in the end, it only made things worse. I would climb every flight of stairs thinking about what exactly she would do when she arrived at my apartment. She did not seem very curious last night with my way of life, so there was no way to imagine what she wanted from me. We arrived on the sixth floor and walked around the ugly, dark hallway until we reached the wooden door that led to my apartment. It took me some time to get the door open, because I was too distracted trying to avoid her gaze as I knew she was staring at me all the time. When I finally found the keys inside the bag, I hesitated a bit as I opened the door to let it in. - Look ... It's a mess. "Okay. Okay." Her coldness did not help much in my nervousness, but anyway, I never expected a fluffy and responsive Lauren and all "ah, relax, I will not even notice. "The apartment was a mess as much as possible. The place could not be quite a zone because there were not so many things like that, and there was not much room for me to spread things around either. My mess was a few clothes stacked on the sofa bed, still undone, and another pile on the broken TV. My bags and bags were clustered in a corner, some open, and the few shoes outside were lined up by the length of the wall. I would have invited her to sit down if the situation called for good manners, but we both knew it was not a casual visit. Once we were both inside, I closed the door and followed her with her eyes, because it was obvious that she had already chosen her next random action.Not bothering to look at me or ask me if she could, she walked up to one of my bags and, bending over her, pulled out a pair of jeans and a plain white blouse. As she got up, she held out her chosen clothes to me as she used her latest mania to look me in the eye every time she spoke to me. - Take off that dress. Please. I accepted the clothes she offered me, staring back at her eyes, and immediately I passed her, also going against my suitcases. From one of them, I took off a clean pair of panties and with the three pieces in my hand, I rushed to the bathroom. I needed a shower, which could be a good way to give both of us the opportunity to split up in a simple way. If she also did not know how to leave without hurting me - and if she was worried about it - then she could just leave while I was locked there. I stepped into the shower, feeling the cold water hurt my skin, and allowed me to linger longer than usual there. Contrary to what I imagined, I was not anxious to leave soon and make sure she was still in my apartment. I was calm, perhaps because I had accepted the situation. It did not mean that the pain in my chest had diminished in anything, but it was time to deal with it. I washed my hair and lathered it several times, feeling pain in some places of my body. Then I remembered the cream I used in situations like that, which was still stored inside the mirror cabinet on top of the sink, and I wondered what her reaction would be if I decided to use it. From what I remembered, that perfume did strange things to her, but my goal was not to make things difficult for anyone. Quite the opposite. I dried myself up and changed into clean clothes. I combed my wet hair and took the clothes I wore before, now tucked into my arms, so I unlocked the door and left. My reason tried to convince me that she would not be there any longer. But my sentimental side hoped that she would be waiting for me leaning on the little balcony that separated the quasi-kitchen room. The fact was that these were the only two options I thought I had, but as I entered the small room again, I was once again taken by surprise by the changes in the environment. She was there, sitting on the couch. My bags, clothes and shoes, no. Beyond it, the only things that still remained in the room were my now-empty backpack beside her, and my pair of white All Star sneakers next to the door. I stood still, giving my brain time to find an explanation for that. Before that could happen, Lauren got up and came toward me, taking the ball of dirty clothes from my hands and stuffing it into her backpack. Calmly, he passed me and entered the bathroom, so I could hear the noise of many other things being thrown into my backpack, which I was sure were the few products that were stored in the closet. When she returned to the room, she tried to pack the damp towel I had just used with the other things. When my brain finally managed to come up with a possible explanation for all this, my body began to shake in a violent and involuntary way as she now looked at me and tried to close the zipper of the backpack in her hands. - Is there anything in the fridge?I could not answer, but shook my head. My body was completely filled with a very strong electric shock so I could calm down. What I was thinking was an explanation, and although it was acceptable and even plausible, I struggled with myself to discredit her, while she kept me in the same position since I had entered that room. It was not that, it just could not be that. She came forward and looked me in the eye again, never letting her rigid posture slip away. - Comes. I felt his hand firmly hold mine, the firmness my body had now. My tremors became even more obvious after I felt her touch almost unconcerned with me, as if it were something so banal, and I could almost be ashamed of my pathetic lack of control if I cared about it at all. It could not be that. His hand pulled me toward the door, where my sneakers were waiting for me, so I felt my body on the well-known autopilot and followed her where she guided me. I slipped on the sneakers effortlessly and left, completely stunned, as I waited for her to lock the door with my keys. Several flights of stairs later, I was at the door of the building, getting ready to go down the stairs, while Lauren continued to guide me with one hand flat on my back. - Stay here. - She started, after closing the door of the hitch with me already seated - Where lives the mistress of your apartment? I made a little effort to reason and remember her apartment number. After a while I managed to give the information to her, still very stunned to pretend that everything was fine. - I'll be right back. As she said this, she triggered the secret of locks in the car, literally holding me inside. As my thoughts seemed to run in slow motion, moments later she was back, and I could not think of a reason for that. Everything was too strange. Why did not any of her actions make any sense to me? What did she want with that? No, my assumptions were NOT right, and I wanted to convince myself of that. But then, what the hell was going on? The way back-again-had been quick, and all I could come up with on the walk was the course we took each mile weighed as I tried to take sides in the declared war between my rational side that insisted on trying to discredit me in the direction that things took, and my emotional side, which showed me little by little that yes, was exactly that. But it could not be because it did not make sense. And as I scrambled to my tail with these ramblings, Lauren now seemed to be even stronger and more determined, not exchanging a word with me all the way through. Finally, after a long time, we arrived at the enclosed place where I had been just under an hour ago. Lauren stopped the car and left, grabbing the backpack and instructing an employee of the building, offering her the keys to the vehicle. I stood motionless, sitting and wondering what I should do now. My body had not stopped shaking for a second even then, and I prayed that she had not noticed my state of nerves, although I found it difficult not to have happened. The door next to me opened suddenly, taking me by surprise and causing me to jump discreetly in the seat. - Let's go. Automatically, I followed her words and got up, getting out of the car and going with her to the elevator, which was waiting for us because the servant held the door for us."Ring the bell when you bring everything, please." - Yes ma'am. The man answered as he cordially closed the elevator door, locking us in the door. Silence. I was getting used to always being silent around her, always afraid to be the first to speak, to be afraid of being harassed if she did. But I had never had so many doubts in my life, and I had never been deprived of so many explanations. It was as if she deliberately left me with doubts, and she liked to see me completely confused and lost. - What is going on? It was what I wanted to ask, and it was what I had been thinking all along, from the moment I did not see my things where they should be. But it was again my incredible ability to speak aloud what I thought made me elaborate the sentence loud and clear, breaking at once the silence of the elevator. She stared at me, and at the same moment the cubicle in which we were stood stopped as the doors opened, indicating that we had reached our destination. - Do you know what is happening. She said, still coldly, as she stepped into the hallway and held the door for me too. I did not answer. I walked over to her side and waited for her to open the door. Seconds later, we went back into his apartment. Not wanting to bother looking at me, Lauren headed down the narrow, dark corridor, into the final room, and I automatically went after her. I was hating to look like a dog behind the owner, but I just had no idea how to act. She finally threw the backpack on the bed and without saying anything else, left. I could still hear her pacing from side to side as I stood in the room, sitting on the low bed, waiting for my brain to think of something to do. I looked around and noticed that this room was smaller and simpler than hers, but it was charming. One guest room. After a while, I heard the doorbell ringing and steady steps toward the door of the room. Two people exchanged two or three words, and moments later the door was closed again. Lauren came into the room I was again, so I saw my suitcases and bags before disappeared. She set them on the ground with a thud in the far corner, again without looking at me, left the room, leaving me alone again. I did not move for a while, but when my body got tired of the same position, I fell back on the mattress, staring now at the ceiling and thinking. The facts were simple. Lauren had taken me to her house without even telling me about it. I did not know the exact moment when she had this brilliant idea but now, alone in that room without her presence to get my concentration, I tried to imagine the reason for that. If she was feeling alone, a pet would be a good outlet, as well as being an easier and less labor-intensive option. Why had she decided to bring to her own house a program girl who had just assumed her totally inappropriate feelings for her? Maybe, after all I'd said, the burden of guilt had hit her more sharply than I'd expected. If that was the way it was, it was only a matter of time before that feeling slowly faded away, making her regret at the end of a month.And in the end, I'd end up in shit again. Well, maybe it would be better if I decided to impose myself and just get out of there. She would not be alone for long, because I was sure it was not the only companion option for a beautiful, rich, single woman. In fact, I was the worst of all options. Then why on earth had she chosen me? It did not make sense. Suddenly, I caught myself wishing she had not done that. It was clear that his company still had an impressive effect on me, but I did not want to live in favor with her house. She was not responsible for me, and it would be extremely uncomfortable to live day by day with the person who apparently had decided to start ignoring me. She could ignore me away from me, so why did she choose to lock me up next to her? What the hell did she want with that? Hurt me even more? Make me have your company and at the same time, feel lonely and disposable? It made no sense, because she had never been cruel. But in any case, I could not bear it. If everything I'd been through until then had not been enough to knock me over, it certainly would. *** The clock ticked at 9:30, and I was amazed that I had not seen the hours pass by. Gathering all the strength and courage I had left, I rose from the bed and made my way to her room. All the house lights seemed to be out. Maybe she was already asleep. I walked slowly down the hallway, testing my control with every step. I was silent, because I did not want her to think I was wandering about every one that was not mine. I arrived in her room and slowly pushed the door back. Lauren was standing in front of the large glass wall, staring at the cars passing beneath us. She wore white pajamas, and looked pensive. Realizing that I was now inside her room, she turned to me, staring at me with a pleased expression, not accusatory for being invading her space as I thought it would be. - Are you hungry? "No." I replied after testing my breath a few times. "You need to eat something." - I do not need anything. She kept staring at me, uttering every word in a calm voice that was enviable. "I can prepare something for you." "Why are you treating me like your doll?" She stared at me in surprise. - I'm not ... - Why did you bring me here? - It is not obvious? - No, it's not. I worked hard so that the tremors in my body would not keep my voice out, since I wanted to pass a minimum of security. "I want you to stay here." - Because? To make the joke of ignoring me more fun? "No." "Then why?" "Because you have to stay here." "Why do not you give me cause?" She sighed. - I need to talk to you. - About what? - About me. No, I had no idea what she had to say, but whatever it was, it had to be something important. Just because Lauren was willing to have a conversation with me, which she seemed to avoid at any cost in the last hours, and I could say that her words should be worthy of attention. - Change your clothes. Jeans are not comfortable for sleeping. - I am not sleepy. You let me sleep too much. Again, she sighed.Please? I continued to stare at her for some time, but finally I took the initiative to attend to her request. I turned to go to my room and get some clothing, but she interrupted my movements as she turned back to me. "No, I do not want you to wear those clothes." I looked at her again. "So what do you want me to wear?" In response, she pulled the top of her outfit from the top and handed me the jacket, as big as the one I'd worn the night before. The perfume was the same, which made my heart give a discreet leap out of time. Without further ado, I went into the bedroom bathroom and changed clothes faster than usual. I hung my sweater and my pants behind the door and left, finding her again facing the glass wall and the similarity of the scene brought me the fresh memory of last night's memory. I went to sit on the bed and waited for her to approach. When he finally sat down next to me and facing me, closer than my self-control could handle, the words I had been trying to formulate came out of my mouth without my trying to hold them. "I'm not staying here. - I started - I do not know what you intend with this game, but I'd better leave before ... - You're not going anywhere. His posture was immediately tense, and both his eyes and his voice accused it was not a request, but an order. I stared at her in amazement, thinking of the answer I would give her. "If I go, what are you going to do?" I called out. "I'll come after you again, and I swear I think so." I shut up. Was she going to come after me again? Again? When had it been the first time, to begin with? After a long silence, she began. "I should have made that clear last night, but I'm not going to pay to have you." Whenever I want to be with you again, there will not be money involved in it. Deny me if you want, you have the right, but do not dare charge a penny. I do not care if it goes against your will. If the life you intended to follow was this, I have to inform you that it will not happen. From now on, you will stay in this house, go to sleep in that room, but you do not have the right to leave. If you try anything like that, I'll go after you and ... I'll arrest you here! I swear to God I do it! Her words came out in a spurt, as if she were confessing too intimate and painful sins. As if all the pain she felt gave her the right to impose herself and to give orders, to have her desires obligatorily attended to. I could be offended at being ordered, were it not for the clear and almost screaming desperation that was on every syllable that came out of her mouth. Her tone became more hysterical and uncontrolled every second, and perhaps she was going mad or just letting herself down. Whatever was happening, I could tell that this was not Lauren in her perfect condition. She was getting carried away by some kind of fear or desperation to impose herself that way, and her breathing seemed so hard and heavy that I could swear it was a matter of seconds before she burst into tears in my arms. Her cold posture was crumbling, to the point where everything that seemed to remain before me was a woman so insecure and lost that I could feel something I never thought I could feel when it came to her: Pity."Laur ..." She looked me straight in the eye, and I saw a fear so deep it could border on insanity. "You'll stay with me, because there's no other way." I've had enough time without you to know how much it hurts. I've been through many hells trying to get away from you, but you've marked me so deeply that I can not ... I just can not live without you. Even if I wanted to not feel for you all that, even being a coward to the point of running away so as not to end up deceived again ... I tried to forget you and almost died. Of longing, of despair, of worry, of an emptiness so intense that I did not even know it could exist. I tried to pull away to try to forget the fact that I was in your hands because it was killing me. Knowing that you controlled everything in me made me so afraid that I ran away, but being away from you only made me bleed faster. And she tried to push away her memory as she grew stronger. I almost went crazy, and I know I deserved it. For all I have done and said, I know that I deserve to suffer a thousand times more. All because you were a program girl, I'll admit. I admit that I panicked when I realized I was in love with you, and I was so stupid that I did not notice that it was no good to run. I admit that I was a coward, a weakling, an idiot, but I need you to stay with me ... I ... I demand that you stay with me! I can not forget you, and I still can not handle it, but do not think I ignore you. I could not ignore you, ever. You're too important for this. When I saw you on that filthy corner, I was so angry that I could not reason. I know it was my fault, but still, see you offering yourself for a measly $ 100.00 ... You're worth so much more than that, more than any amount ... And I need to show you how much you're worth , how much is important. I wish I had known how much I cared about you, I wanted to know how much I regret everything I did. But I can not, and all I can do is tell you that you are essential, that you are the only one. I do not care if you think I'm crazy or stupid, as long as you stay with me. Promise me you will not leave me. I need you ... So much that it hurts. Cause nothing in my fucking life makes sense if you're not in it. You asked me to leave you alone, but I just can not. Because I can try a thousand times, but a thousand times I'll fail. I saw a single lonely tear fall from one of her eyes, then she cleared her throat and took several repeated breaths to regain the control she had let slip as she looked at her hands now.I kept staring at her without giving the slightest sign that she was alive, because by now my breathing had been suspended for a long time, my eyes were dry since I did not blink, and my heart ... well, my heart did not It should be no longer working anyway. This was the moment I could say anything, curse her for the pain she made me feel, for her weakness or for her prejudice. It was the moment that I could assail her for keeping the truth so far from me for so long, making me think I was practically nothing for her. It was the moment I could the tears in my throat roll freely, making me feel freer. But I just did not react. In love with me .... I was important .... She needed me ... That was impossible. Simply impossible. It was very good, very perfect, a very happy ending to be true. Happy endings did not happen that easily. But why would she lie? What if it was really true? What if I really were not just a whore to her? And if she ... If she ... Pov Lauren - I wanted to deserve you. I know that I owe you many requests for forgiveness, and I know that I do not deserve to be forgiven in any of them. - I started, while trying to be a bit calmer when I insisted to myself that she would not run away from me - But you have to be mine ... Only mine ... I knew I was being an asshole for not giving orders , and I had no right to it, but it was not as if I was trying to rule her. Camila would always have a choice with me, whatever the matter. I was imposing myself in this way not out of abuse, but out of desperation. It was as if my survival instinct spoke louder, and that's why I had to look strong and determined. If she left me, if I had to try to live without her again, it would be like taking a vital part of me that kept me up. I could not let them tear my own heart out. It was not like I was fighting for something I wanted. Although I wanted her, it was more than that. There was a need to have her with me. I just would not be strong enough to see her get away from me, because those months showed me how much I needed her. I was shown that my attempts to simply stay away from her were as useless and painful as her own attempts to stop feeling what I felt. It was true, I could not handle it. My pride, so to speak, was still wounded. Something inside me made me angry that I had seen the woman I now admitted needing to offer to anyone. It was true that it was my fault, but my unreasonable side simply hated to see it available to other people. She had to be mine. Just mine. I would make her happy and satisfied alone. I could do this, she would not have to do that again. I would take care of her, as I have never cared for anyone, and would do her will. And I would abide by her decisions, because after all, I've always been submissive to her. She always held me in her hands, and it was incredible how she never realized it. "I promise I'll do anything to deserve your apology." I just wanted you to know that I regret, with all my heart, every second that I've been away from you. I regret it because I ended up killing myself bit by bit, but now I regret it twice for knowing that I made you suffer too. I know I missed my word when I said I'd be around, and I'm so sorry .... But, please ... You have to give me another chance to be with you. Ever. I'd beg, if I had to. At that point, pride was a luxury I could not give myself, and if she simply refused to stay, she would disappear from my life, I would ask her on my knees. It did not matter how far I would downgrade, if I was going to get her to give me a chance, the chance I needed to show that I was not an insensitive unfortunate, I would do anything. Anything. For her. For her. Camila was now so neutral, so empty, I wondered if she was still alive. My doubts were answered as she began to babble disjointed words in a low voice. - Why .... Why are you saying these .... What do you want with ... Although his expression was still empty and his eyes were a little out of focus, even looking directly at mine, I was caught by surprise when he noticed that a considerable amount of tears began to accumulate slowly in them.As a reaction to this, I moved quickly forward, taking her face in my hands and speaking very close to her. "Please, do not cry ..." "What do you want?" It was late. The small lake, before in her eyes, now flowed freely down her cheeks, immediately giving a reddish tint to her nose and eyes. Damn, how I hated seeing her crying. - I want your company. I want your skin, your look. I want your imperfections and every bit of what makes you be you. I want your bad mood, your stubbornness and your shyness at my side every day, every hour. I want your smile and your confidence, even if it takes some time. I wait. She still stared at me with that beautiful face, even without showing emotions, and I continued to stare at her with all the love that was pouring out of me. I still kept his face locked between my hands, in a gentle way, and it was amazing how that simple touch already made me feel better. I was seized again by an almost uncontrollable desire to kiss her as she tried to wipe the tears still running down her face with my thumbs. I just wanted to be able to put my lips to hers, but I feared his reaction. Camila did not seem very aware of what was happening, still looking at me in an absent-minded way, so I had to make sure she would not react unexpectedly with the kiss. "Camz... I would ask permission to kiss you, though I wanted to simply invade you with my tongue was almost impossible. My lips were already brushing lightly against hers, while her name came out of my mouth, but it was not necessary to wait much longer, because the next second she molded her lips to mine, unhurriedly, without despair. I felt the force of urgency and desire take me slowly, but I struggled against it to keep that kiss the way she wanted. It was not hard to kiss her tenderly, feeling the sweet, slow movement his tongue made in mine. The problem was to want it so desperately that the task of not attacking her like an animal in heat turns every second harder. To my happiness, the fire that burned in me seemed to burn her too, and her movements became more urgent and sensual. As if everything in her invited me. As if nothing else existed. But nothing else existed. I held her tightly against my body as I held her in a possessive way and brought her up onto my lap. She did not try to stop me, and I thanked the heavens for returning her kiss and hug so willingly, as I let each spark of desire consume me slowly. I remembered that I must be being more careful and gentle because I could feel her lips slightly swollen from the night before and remembered that she had left many marks all over her body. But how the hell could I keep in control at that moment? How could she resist it? She pulled - my coat - from her body, leaving it partially exposed. And I carried her to my bed. My mouth automatically migrated to one of her breasts as she pulled her against me with more and more strength. I concentrated on the heat emanating from her body and crashed into mine, and wished I had her there, that way, forever. She kissed me again, clinging to my hair now with more desire than before, so I allowed myself to lose control and touch her the way I wanted to. I slid one of my hands into the only piece of clothing left in it, and my breathing became fickle when I felt that it was already completely ready and wet for me. I liked foreplay, but as it was about to explode, any game of seduction would be for later. I turned her onto the bed, laying her back on the mattress, and unceremoniously slid down the panties she wore, admiring dazzled every inch of her body."Take it ..." I was taken by surprise by the faint sound of her voice, and only after a few seconds did I realize what she was talking about. No way, I hurriedly pulled my pajama pants along with my underwear and my top, and lay back on me, who was completely receptive to me. I took her in another furious kiss, and after some time I noticed that our bodies were already doing rhythmic and wavy movements together, which woke me up again to the fact that neither of us could handle that situation any longer. She was faster than I was, and by the time I realized it, Camila had already opened my drawer and pulled out a condom. I was caught by surprise by her strength when she managed to spin us on the bed, staying on top of me as I unpacked the condom and unrolled it on my already swollen, throbbing cock that hurt. It was almost nothing, and with a quick, decisive descent, his body wrapped mine almost brusquely. I writhed with that movement. She stood still for some time, as she made our bodies better accustomed to the recent fit. Seconds later, she began to move slowly and rhythmically, trying to mold me to it, and all that time all I could do was observe her precise movements. Though all that perfection reminded me of why Camilla was so good at it, there was no denying the beauty of the scene. She was perfect in every move. When I was able to get back to me, I held my hips carefully with one hand, trying not to mark her any further, and with the other I leaned against the mattress, bringing my body closer to hers as I sat. She grabbed my hair automatically, and for a moment I hated to see that some tears still insisted on falling down her face, even though she did not seem to notice it. - I hate you. She spoke suddenly, her lips touching mine. Before those words struck me with the strength I knew they would reach, she continued, "I hate you for everything you put me through. For being a coward, for being selfish, for making me want to die without you. I hate you for not being able to deny you, for not being strong enough to ignore it. I hate to need you, I hate to love surrendering to you. I hate ... I hate you ... - I love you. That was all I could answer. It was the truest truth, and I hoped she would believe me, because I never allowed myself to be so sincere in my life, I never allowed myself to be so submissive to anyone. But being submissive to her was not a punishment. It was not wrong. Was all I wanted. Our movements became strong and abrupt, but it was when I felt the urgency of her tongue on my again that I allowed myself to stop being careful and give myself to her. I did not want to hurt her, but it was humanly impossible not to want her in an almost savage way. I knew that I would regret the next day for my lack of care. She would be more hurt, and it would be my fault. But she seemed to care, and every time I tried to weaken the grip my hands made on her body, she squeezed herself harder against me. It was not acceptable, but my selfish, possessive side allowed me to take pleasure in the fact that all the marks on his body now belonged to me, and to no one else. I still hated myself for hurting her, but knowing that no one but me would touch her again made me feel like a horrible caveman happy. She was there. With me. She would give me another chance, and I did not need anything more. It would not be easy to regain her confidence, and I could not judge her for it. But if I would go and die trying for something, it would be to win her back. It would be as it should have been from the beginning. It would be for her.
