Pov Camila I woke up to the corner of a bird somewhere. I did not remember having such a light sleep, so the feeling of simply being yanked out of my dreams so easily was strange. But I did not care. I stretched, still with my eyes closed, turning completely on the bed and in the process, facing Lauren. She wore a basic gray set - sweatpants and plain shirt. I remembered that the night before I did not see her take off her suit before we both fell asleep. So it seemed that she had been awake for some time, though her hair was still a little damp from the bath I had not seen her take. She was staring at me seriously. His eyes were so clear and translucent that morning that they seemed to be made of glass. - Guess what? She spoke, still staring at me, inches from me, an expression of anxiety and surprise. Still confused by sleep, I did not notice she sounded a little amused. So that question, catching me off guard, made me feel scared. - What is it? I asked, already worried, trying to make my voice clear, although still very hoarse. "I'm going to be a mother." I stared at her for a long time, trying to get her thoughts in order and finally understanding what she was saying. I thrust my face into the pillow and murmured against it. "You do not scare me like that!" I heard her smile beside me, kissing my neck in a cute way. "But it's true, did not they tell you?" She started, breathing into my hair, as one arm wrapped around my waist - I'm going to be a mother! - They told me. I shouted, still against the pillow - Before they even told you. I felt his embrace loosen a little around me. "Yeah ... I should be there by then." I looked at her again, perhaps wanting to apologize for something. - I did not know what it was ... I thought it was something else ... Sorry. "All right," she said, combing back the strands of my hair with her fingers, but still I could see a small trace of genuine sadness for not having received the news with me. "You can keep a close eye on the pregnancy from now on. It's already something, right? She smiled in a slightly evil manner, and for a moment I was afraid of what was going on in her head. "Oh, do not worry. I will be very present. Just as my answer would be given, her cell phone rang the mute bedside table beside her. We both looked at the phone, but neither of us moved. "You will not answer?" I asked, when I realized that Lauren seemed a bit far from that dimension. "Do you think it's necessary?" She asked me with a sad face. - It could be someone important. Someone wanting to talk to you. She let out a muxoxo of displeasure and reluctantly pulled away from me, rolling over onto the bed to reach for the device that still played the same annoying song. "Oh, sure ..." I heard her say after identifying who the call belonged to. When she returned to lie down beside me, she unlocked the receiver and answered the call, but did not place it close to her ear. I looked at the situation a little curious."You're on the speaker, Mom. It was Clara. Perhaps her maternal instinct had warned her that this was a good time to call and find out about her daughter's life. "Lauren ..." I heard her say, and her voice sounded strangely controlled. As if she was forcing herself not to scream - Taylor called me ... - I would have wondered if that little gossip had not called. She countered in a good mood, staring weakly at the cell phone, just like me. I remembered that the night before Taylor had called Lauren. But I did not know the content of the conversation they had, because in addition to being quick, few words had been exchanged. Then Taylor had called Clara. But what had she told him? And yet, what exactly did she know? - It is true? Clara's crying voice sounded again, and I suddenly answered my own question in my mind: Everything. Taylor knew everything. Lauren stared at me, as if asking me to proceed. I pondered for a moment whether it should be me to break the news to her, but as he seemed excited at the idea, I did his bidding. - Hi Clara ... - I started, just to let you know that I was there too - Well ... Yes ... It's true. There was a few seconds of silence until a shrill scream hit our ears through the lead, causing Lauren to pull away from the device and press a button - probably canceling the loudspeaker -, immediately silencing her mother's scream on the other end of the line . She placed the cell phone next to her ear, now holding the conversation between them. Lauren smiled in such a happy way that, although I did not know what Clara was talking about, I felt like smiling too. Still, I could pick up snippets of dialogue just by analyzing the answers she gave. Things like '' how long ago, '' 'when you heard' 'and' 'how Mila is'' were certainly asked. Moments later, Michael got into the conversation as well. Lauren seemed radiant to tell the two of them the details in detail, and with each response her smile widened even more, which automatically made my heart lose a few beats and my breath come out in passionate sighs. Every now and then she would look at me, with a look of concern a little exaggerated and weird. In those hours, all he did was smile at her, just with the intention of saying it, without interrupting his call, that everything was fine. That was when, after a long time, I started to get up, that she seemed more apprehensive. "Papa, I have to disconnect now. Camz wants to go to the bathroom. See you later, a kiss. And so, just like that, he hung up, coming to me and standing in front of me.I stared at her a little surprised, imagining Michael at that very moment still looking at the phone with a look of "What the fuck was that?" - What was that? I asked, still sitting. - What? "You just hung up on your dad's face." - I did not do this. I said goodbye. I just had to do it fast before you got up on your own. I kept staring at her with a face like, "What the fuck's your problem?" "What if I got up alone ...? I asked, slowly. - You're pregnant! She replied simply, as if that argument ended the discussion, with no chance for further debate. I was silent, still staring at her. - Lauren? - Yes? "Do not be weird. - What? I'm not being weird! I have to take care of you. Still staring at her, I thought it best not to wind up in that argument. Sooner or later she would see that she was exaggerating, so I accepted her help - even unnecessary - and got out of bed, walking to the bathroom to do my morning hygiene. It was necessary to convince her that there was no need for all that care when Lauren was reluctant to leave the bathroom. I tried to explain, as politely as possible, that I wanted to pee and bathe without her being a psychopathic maniac in the corner watching me. "Then leave the door behind you." I consented, already laughing at that nonsense, because it was very funny to see her treating me like a little time bomb. Still, there was no way I did not feel extremely happy to realize that my foolish fears of the night before, which summed up her against the idea of being a mother, were simply down below. She had not only accepted, but also been happy. Very happy. His eyes could not hide, and much more, my own happiness. When I left, I came across a table full of the most diverse foods, which, according to Lauren, was "to supply any desire I might have." I tried to tell her that this was too much, three people, but she did not seem to hear me. "Some fruit is missing, but maybe I'll go buy it today ..." She started, a little distracted as she tried to balance everything on the kitchen counter. - What? - Hi love? - She said, turning to me as if what I was about to say was the most important thing in the world. "You do not have to buy anything else. I can not eat a tenth of it. "Why not?" You're pregnant! So that was his newest argument for any subject on the agenda. "Lo," I repeated, with all the patience and love I felt for her, "the baby is in my womb. Not in my stomach. "But pregnant women are more hungry ..." "I do not think I'm already at that stage. Eventually I'll come to feel that way, but for now- "" Well, "she interrupted," then I have to worry at least about the variety. Let's say, for example, that you resolve to feel like eating ... Macadamia ice cream. I stared at her without knowing how to act, but with a superhuman strength not to laugh."Lo," I repeated her name once more, trying to make her understand that her attitude was reaching a degree of almost troubling exaggeration. "I've never eaten a macadamia in my life. I do not even know the taste of it. "Well, we have to deal with all the possibilities, do not we?" She said quietly, making me sit in the chair I held and sitting next to me, closer to me than usual. "You know that treating all possibilities is impossible, is not it?" I asked, starting to really worry about what she was saying. - I know love. But I know there are things I can do, and I will do everything in my power. - She said absently, pulling gently up my coat and spreading her hand there - Are you feeling well today? - Yes. - No seasickness? - Not for now. - Right. She punctuated, still staring at his hand on my belly. He was silent for a while, then spoke again. "We need to go to an obstetrician. - Ally recommended what accompanied her two pregnancies. - Great. I'm going to call her asking for the contact. I waited for her to withdraw her hand and go for her own breakfast, but Lauren looked strangely frozen in that position, her fingers still clinging to the skin of my belly. "Are not you going to eat anything?" I asked, trying to get her back. - I already ate. While you were asleep. She replied, glancing at me quickly and then looking back at my belly button. "Right ..." I said more to myself, afraid that Lauren was starting to develop autism. I poured myself as much as I could from strawberry juice and toast with curd. She stood motionless, just watching what I ate and how much. I wondered if she was aware of his hand caressing my belly, and if she believed the baby in there could feel it. "Do you have any names in mind?" She asked suddenly, breaking the silence and scaring me a little. I looked at her and noticed she was smiling. - You do not have? She widened her smile further, glancing absently back at his hand as she circled my skin. "Ah ... I like some ..." She looked like a child. A silly and happy child because of another child. "And can I know of any?" I said without holding back the smile that formed on my lips, encouraging her to continue. - Well ... If it's a boy ... I like Oswald. Oswald? Lauren wanted to give our son a name that only people over seventy had? - Oswald? I asked, rhetorically. - IS. "Was that your grandfather's name?" I willed her not to be angry with me.- How do you know that? Again, I forced myself not to laugh. "Lauren, do not you think that name a little ... old?" - Old? No ... "She replied, her expression confused and beautiful, and I felt like grabbing her." I think a strong name. "Okay ... Let's hope it's not a boy then. I said, unable to contain my laughter this time. - Hey! "Did she have a better name?" "No. But maybe something more current ..." "Like?" - Like Tyler ... John ... Lorenzo ... - All ugly. She punctuated with a scowl. Again, I wanted to grab her, but all I did was laugh. "What if it's a girl?" I asked, trying to bring back his good mood. "I do not know," she replied. - Me neither. Instantly I remembered the girl in my dream, and her response when I said I did not have a name yet. It only made my intuition even stronger as the baby's gender was feminine, scaring me a bit too. "Hm ... Let's think about it together then. When I told her I was already satisfied and got up to do the dishes - something I even liked to do - Lauren kicked me out of the kitchen, and I was sure she just did not kick her because her son It was in my belly. - What do you want to do now? She asked, leading me into the living room. I wanted to do the dishes. I replied unwillingly. - Right. That's on me. Any other ideas? My answer would have to wait, because at that moment her phone rang again. As before, she picked up the receiver and placed it on the speaker as she sat down with me on the couch. - Good morning, Chris. - FUCK, LO! PREGNANCY? ARE YOU PREGNANT? - We are, man! Lauren replied simply, with a beautiful smile on her face. I knew the reason: That news had been good for her, but every time someone else knew and reacted in that way, she felt almost as if she was receiving the news for the first time. I knew this because it was the same way with me. "I knew it was just you to start eating your girlfriend right, you useless. Lauren blushed, and it was so surprising that all I could do was laugh. "You're on the speaker, you unhappy one!" - Oh, it was bad! Mila, if you're there, that's all to say! I was about to respond, but Lauren quickly pushed a button and brought the phone to her ear, making the conversation private again. "You idiot ..." She started, but I was sure Chris would not budge. So less than a minute later the gaffe had been forgotten, and Lauren was again like a child bouncing on the couch as she told the brother all the details. As she repeated all the information, my brain took the time to process it. Not because I had not yet accepted it, but because sometimes the token did not fall. And then, there I was, back to the state '' my God, I'm really pregnant ... '' - I'm sorry ... - She started with the cell phone already off, delicately touching my chin and getting me back to reality - Chris is very rude, but he did not want to disrespect you ... - I know. I'm not upset. I spoke honestly, taking his hand from my face and interlacing my fingers in hers. "No problem. Suddenly I noticed that Lauren was too close. And the proximity of her still made me involuntary tremors. Maybe he would never stop teasing.Suddenly I felt an uncontrollable urge to kiss her, but faster than my will was the touch on her cell phone. Again. - You fucking bitch! She cursed, looking at the display and identifying who the call was. "Hi, Ally. This time I did not hear the conversation. I simply let them talk, leaning against Lauren's body and laying her head on his shoulder. I stood there for a long time, allowing myself to just feel the scent of her clothes and her body moving delicately with every word she uttered. - Oh, yes, thank you! I'll see ... But is he there today? Lauren was silent for a moment, waiting for the answer. "Okay, I'll try. Thank you, Ally. I watched her turn off and access her emails from her cell phone. - What is it? I asked, wanting to find out. "Are you well disposed today?" She approached my ear and spoke against my hair as I connected the device to the internet. "Uhmm ..." I replied, rubbing myself in it like a cat. "Then we go to the obstetrician. Ah yes. The doctor. "I'll try to call him and ask him to fit you in at some available time." Ally sent me the phone and the email address. I nodded, grabbing at her and standing there. - You come with me? Lauren turned to me and looked at me as if I'd just asked something so obvious she did not even deserve to be answered. "Of course I'll go with you." Again I saw a certain manic air in his eyes, but I relaxed when he realized that his surprise probably came only because she had found the stupid question even. I waited for her to make the call, and if on one hand she hoped the obstetrician would not attend patients on Saturdays-just because my laziness was monstrous-but on the other hand she wanted to be in her office already receiving all the information that a first- I should know. After a few minutes in her most melodic and needy voice, Lauren managed to get the secretary on the other end of the line to put us in the place of the last patient of the day who had canceled her appointment. The obstetrician only worked in the morning on Saturdays. - But I did not do anything! She said when I scolded her. - Made Yes. He used his sexy voice to convince the secretary. She'll probably have erotic dreams with you tonight. But she did not even see me. She smiled, taking a deep breath in my hair (a mania she was beginning to gain and I was beginning to love her) "Besides, all my voices are sexy. There's nothing I can do. "Well ... you used your sexiest tone ..." I purred in her again, speaking only for speaking, and began to wonder what the hell was happening to me. Since when had I become so needy and sticky like that? But it was okay, because she did not seem to care. Lauren hugged my waist gently, bringing me to the middle of her legs, and one hand returned to her newest favorite spot on my body.- When will it start growing? She asked, smoothing my belly beneath her coat. "I do not know ..." I confessed my ignorance. Should all women know about details like that? - The doctor must say. She punctuated, giving me a kiss on the neck. We were silent for some time. I allowed myself to pay attention only in their touches, because my body seemed strangely more sensitive to them. - Is afraid? She spoke at the foot of my ear again, in one of her sexy voices. -Fear of what? I asked curiously. - Do not know. Some women are afraid of pregnancy ... If I had a vagina, I would be in a panic now. - Because? - Because ... - She stopped, trying to find the right words - There is a little something growing inside you! I laughed at the fact that Lauren had called her own son "something." - And so what? "I really hope he grows up a lot." I just hope you do not develop any kind of aversion to my disproportionate form. She frowned. "I even seem to have some kind of aversion to you." Especially now that there's something inside me. - She said, making circles in my belly with the indicator. I smiled dumbly at hearing her say it. "Well," I began, returning to the original subject, "I'm not afraid. Maybe it's time for delivery. There are women who die ... - Hey! She interrupted me, pinching the skin around my waist tightly, and although I knew that the force applied there had been unwittingly, the purpose of the act was certainly to suppress me - Do not say those things! "But sometimes it does-" "But it will not happen!" Want to be quiet? She was agitated. I might even say irritated. "Okay ..." I consented, not wanting to tease her anymore and ruin that moment. Lauren pressed me harder against her body, and I could feel her trembling a little. I came to the conclusion that she must have been thinking about the possibility I had brought into the conversation. I reached back and reached for his mouth. I kissed her gently, perhaps apologizing for getting such an inappropriate subject and making her feel bad. My hands, as always, migrated to the nape of his neck, and I wished deeply that it was enough to take those thoughts away. Surprisingly, that act seemed to have an effect on me faster than on it. I forgot the world around me for a moment, unwittingly deepening the kiss and causing my body to burn slowly in the process. Just as I was preparing to touch her in more interesting ways, she broke our bond, staring me in the eyes tenderly. - We have to get dressed. Your appointment is in an hour. And saying that, she simply kissed my forehead, put me back on the couch and stood up, going into the bedroom. I stood there, feeling a little abandoned, but I resisted the urge to cry. Could she really be angry with me? I had not done anything on purpose, she needed to understand that. But it did not even seem reasonable. She had no reason to simply change the mood from one moment to the next. So it was there that Lauren started to be weird. At least on this subject. *** - Good morning ... Karla Camila Cabello. He finished, staring at the plug in his hands. The obstetrician - Dr. Carlos - was a surprisingly handsome man. He must have been about thirty, and he was not only tall but muscular.A guy who could remember everything but a doctor. Lauren, probably being warned by her slightly wounded pride and a very strange instinct, held me by the waist and brought me closer to her as we entered. - Good morning Doctor. She answered me, pulling one of the chairs up so I could sit down and do the same. - Good Morning. He replied, smiling politely, as he stared at us and laced his fingers across the table. "So ... Ally already informed me of her condition, Lauren." He was a nice person. He smiled all the time and tried to make the weather as light as possible. Lauren, though visibly jealous - simply because the doctor was attractive - knew there was no reason to be unpleasant or uneducated with him. But that did not mean that she would make any effort to be nice either. Our consultation began with subjective questions. "Was the pregnancy planned?" - He started. "No," I said. "It was accidental ..." "I did. And how are you dealing with it? - Very well. - Lauren replied, already excited - Everything is great. - How nice. - The doctor said, opening a beautiful smile. Lauren brought her chair closer to mine unconsciously. "How long have you two been married?" "Ah ..." I started, taking my left hand with the ring from the table and hiding it in my lap. "We're not married ..." "Yet. Lauren hurried to speak, and then I looked at her in alarm. Not exactly scared. Surprise. She had told me, many times, that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, so it was a little obvious that this could mean marriage at some point in our lives, even if distant. Still, watching her insinuate this was something I did not expect. Not yet. I kept staring at her like a complete jerk. She looked at me innocently, as if she had not said anything too much. Maybe I had not, but I was surprised, feeling a small flame of joy, very discreet, ignite my chest. - Right. - The Doctor. Carlos replied still smiling, very naturally - It is good to know that the climate between the couple is favorable to the arrival of the newest member of the family. But then, Camila ... - Mila. "I corrected him as usual, and as always, Lauren snorted at my side. As a mental note, I had to ask her why she was clearly dissatisfied, although in that case I imagined that the reason was because Dr. Carlos to be handsome. - Mila. He corrected himself. "Is this your first pregnancy?" "Yeah ..." "And how did you find out?" I told the whole story to him - this time detailed because I knew the details. I explained the contraceptive method used and my menstrual cycle masked by the pills. I also mentioned my symptoms and all the pain I had felt so far. When asked, I stated that I did not have any type of genetic disease, such as diabetes or high blood pressure, which could compromise the baby's health. - Any sexually transmitted diseases? - I did not answer. - Have you done any tests? "Yes." This time Lauren was the one to respond, and catching me again by surprise, she took some folded papers out of the inner pocket of her overcoat, which I identified a few seconds later as the papers of my last exams. I had not even seen her take that. The doctor examined the leaves carefully for a long time. Lauren stared at me as if apologizing for the invasion. - Why did not you tell me? I snapped at her without really being upset. "I did not think you'd want to bring it." She replied regretfully, kissing my hand gently.- Well ... - Dr. Carlos interrupted us politely. "These examinations are relatively recent. Did you only maintain relationships with a person after you did them? "Yes," I replied firmly. - I understand. He paused, looking at me with a little curiosity, but still being very discreet. "You seem to have been worried about that." It's not everyone who does so many tests like this ... I jumped in the chair, a little annoyed. He had noticed that something was strange, and maybe that was why Lauren thought I would not want to show the exams. It would almost be a verdict of guilt. Something like "Look how I have no idea how many diseases I can have! '' Mila, we have to take good care of your baby's health. He stopped, looking at Lauren. "Your baby." Any information you could give me that could affect the fetus in any way ... Well, it would be very valuable. Lauren stared at me, her expression calm. I looked at her back, now quite annoyed. I noticed that, beyond calm, his expression seemed to want to ask permission for something. And I imagined what that was. Anyway, I gave her the permission I wanted. "Doctor ..." she began, drawing the doctor's attention to herself. "Camz has been with many men. I lowered my head instantly, looking at my hands on my lap. Not because I wanted to be a victim in any way, but because listening to it made me feel something I was still struggling with. Something I was managing to set aside, though I never forgot completely. I felt ashamed. I did not have to raise my head to notice that dr. Carlos had understood perfectly what Lauren meant by that. Anyone would understand. Anyone would read that as '' an ex-prostitute. '' And again, I felt the shame of slapping me. It was hard to confess that to someone I did not know yet, knocking over my false wall of dignity that I had been building patiently, brick by brick. Exposing something from the past that should never have happened was embarrassing. It was painful. I felt an agonizing urge to cry. - I understand. The doctor's voice sounded, and I felt a fist in my stomach. I knew I should trust him with that secret, because after all, he would take care of my son. And nothing was more important than my son. But that did not prevent me from feeling horrible. "I believe she has nothing." "But these tests-" "Yes." "Dr. Carlos interrupted him. "They are very vague."Lauren, though visibly jealous - simply because the doctor was attractive - knew there was no reason to be unpleasant or uneducated with him. But that did not mean that she would make any effort to be nice either. Our consultation began with subjective questions. "Was the pregnancy planned?" - He started. "No," I said. "It was accidental ..." "I did. And how are you dealing with it? - Very well. - Lauren replied, already excited - Everything is great. - How nice. - The doctor said, opening a beautiful smile. Lauren brought her chair closer to mine unconsciously. "How long have you two been married?" "Ah ..." I started, taking my left hand with the ring from the table and hiding it in my lap. "We're not married ..." "Yet. Lauren hurried to speak, and then I looked at her in alarm. Not exactly scared. Surprise. She had told me, many times, that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, so it was a little obvious that this could mean marriage at some point in our lives, even if distant. Still, watching her insinuate this was something I did not expect. Not yet. I kept staring at her like a complete jerk. She looked at me innocently, as if she had not said anything too much. Maybe I had not, but I was surprised, feeling a small flame of joy, very discreet, ignite my chest. - Right. - The Doctor. Carlos replied still smiling, very naturally - It is good to know that the climate between the couple is favorable to the arrival of the newest member of the family. But then, Camila ... - Mila. "I corrected him as usual, and as always, Lauren snorted at my side. As a mental note, I had to ask her why she was clearly dissatisfied, although in that case I imagined that the reason was because Dr. Carlos to be handsome. - Mila. He corrected himself. "Is this your first pregnancy?" "Yeah ..." "And how did you find out?" I told the whole story to him - this time detailed because I knew the details. I explained the contraceptive method used and my menstrual cycle masked by the pills. I also mentioned my symptoms and all the pain I had felt so far. When asked, I stated that I did not have any type of genetic disease, such as diabetes or high blood pressure, which could compromise the baby's health. - Any sexually transmitted diseases? - I did not answer. - Have you done any tests? "Yes." This time Lauren was the one to respond, and catching me again by surprise, she took some folded papers out of the inner pocket of her overcoat, which I identified a few seconds later as the papers of my last exams. I had not even seen her take that. The doctor examined the leaves carefully for a long time. Lauren stared at me as if apologizing for the invasion. - Why did not you tell me? I snapped at her without really being upset. "I did not think you'd want to bring it." She replied regretfully, kissing my hand gently. - Well ... - Dr. Carlos interrupted us politely. "These examinations are relatively recent. Did you only maintain relationships with a person after you did them? "Yes," I replied firmly. - I understand. He paused, looking at me with a little curiosity, but still being very discreet. "You seem to have been worried about that." It's not everyone who does so many tests like this ... I jumped in the chair, a little annoyed. He had noticed that something was strange, and maybe that was why Lauren thought I would not want to show the exams. It would almost be a verdict of guilt. Something like "Look how I have no idea how many diseases I can have! '' Mila, we have to take good care of your baby's health. He stopped, looking at Lauren. "Your baby." Any information you could give me that could affect the fetus in any way ... Well, it would be very valuable. Lauren stared at me, her expression calm. I looked at her back, now quite annoyed. I noticed that, beyond calm, his expression seemed to want to ask permission for something.And I imagined what that was. Anyway, I gave her the permission I wanted. "Doctor ..." she began, drawing the doctor's attention to herself. "Camz has been with many men. I lowered my head instantly, looking at my hands on my lap. Not because I wanted to be a victim in any way, but because listening to it made me feel something I was still struggling with. Something I was managing to set aside, though I never forgot completely. I felt ashamed. I did not have to raise my head to notice that dr. Carlos had understood perfectly what Lauren meant by that. Anyone would understand. Anyone would read that as '' an ex-prostitute. '' And again, I felt the shame of slapping me. It was hard to confess that to someone I did not know yet, knocking over my false wall of dignity that I had been building patiently, brick by brick. Exposing something from the past that should never have happened was embarrassing. It was painful. I felt an agonizing urge to cry. - I understand. The doctor's voice sounded, and I felt a fist in my stomach. I knew I should trust him with that secret, because after all, he would take care of my son. And nothing was more important than my son. But that did not prevent me from feeling horrible. "I believe she has nothing." "But these tests-" "Yes." "Dr. Carlos interrupted him. "They are very vague." They are not specific. We're going to have to take new, more accurate exams. Though I think she has nothing. Usually these general examinations already accuse something, when the woman has some disease. Some altered substance in the blood or something. Her looks perfect, but let's be sure. He stopped talking, and the room was silent. I continued to stare at my hands, not daring to look away. "I wonder how hard it must be to confess this. He started, and I felt that speech was for me, specifically. "But I want to tell you, Mila, that there are more cases like yours. I listened intently, though I still struggled with tears. He went on. "I've had equal cases here. Do not be like this, you're not the only one. And honestly, I must say that I do not think you should feel ashamed. Not now, when he chose the right choice. On the contrary: I think you should feel proud of yourself. Show that the life you led before was not for you. Lauren took my hand again, squeezing it firmly. I just raised my head to face dr. Carlos, who was looking at me too. I relaxed a little when I noticed that his gaze did not, in fact, bring any pre-judgment. "Okay ..." I managed, as he forced me to hold his gaze. In response, he just smiled. Lauren squeezed my hand harder. But I knew it had not been purposeful. "Well ..." He resumed. "Let's do some exams. - What kind of exams? Lauren asked. - Are many. Complete blood count, blood group, Glycemia, Rubella, Hepatitis B, Syphilis, HIV ... But this is for all cases. - He hurried to make it clear, seeing my discomfort - All pregnant women must pass these exams. But, in fact, I'm going to give you some more specifics. I thought I was free of this kind of disease. But now, after that, I could not be sure. "What if I accuse you?" I asked, leaving the discomfort aside and asking the question aloud, now genuinely concerned. "If we accuse you, we'll try." He smiled in a simple and contagious way, which somehow made me feel less bad. "That's what I'm here for, is not it? I smiled in response, not even noticing that I had. "What about the baby's sex?" Is she going to do an ultrasound? Lauren asked, a little louder than the usual tone of her voice.- Ah yes. With a little more than three months, we can have more certainty of sex through ultrasound. "But she's almost three months old." Her voice came out as if she were a child whose dreams had all been stolen from her all at once. "Well ... There are methods where you can determine sex before that period. But they are all expensive ... - How much is it? I asked, but my question was drowned out by Lauren's indifference. - Which are they? - She asked. - You have fetal sexing. It is done through a blood test, and identifies the absence or presence of the Y chromosome in the mother's blood. Because this chromosome is unique to men, its presence indicates a boy. The absence, a girl. "And what are the chances of error?" She asked, genuinely interested. - Very low. - The Doctor. Carlos scored. - Great. You can ask along with the other exams then. Lauren finished the question, with her new air of "head of the family." The doctor consented, writing down everything in several papers. "Well, Mila. I want to do some simple tests with you now. You can take off your clothes and put the robe in the bath- "" How? Lauren intervened, and I could swear I was about to cut her balls off if she did not stop with that unnecessary and excessive jealousy. The Doctor. Carlos looked confused. "I have to do some tests on her ..." He started. - And does she need to undress for that? Lauren asked, but at least her tone was not rude. She knew how to be polite, even irritated. - Well, I have to check if there is any lump ... - And she needs to remove the clothes for this? She repeated. - Lauren? I called her, a bit inquisitive. - It's all right. - The Doctor. Carlos laughed and looked at Lauren, as if asking permission to do something. "But I'd like to at least check the most important places. She can keep her clothes on. All right? How he would touch me, and this had nothing to do with any other body, I found myself entitled to answer. - It's all right. - I answered, already getting up and walking to the other room, where was the bed for specific exams and equipment. The Doctor. Carlos came up behind me, helping me up the bed and laying me down. Naturally, Lauren was already there, watching everything with her arms folded away from us, still at the door. The doctor probed my neck carefully, looking for lumps, and simply did it on many joints and almost every joint of my body, extending into the breasts, under the arms and in the groin area. Sometimes I would look at Lauren, who looked like cramps, but still accompany the movement of his hands on my body with a trace of concern, as if aware of any strange reaction from the doctor.- It's all right. He finally spoke, helping me up. "You look great. But I want your gynecologist to take a hard look at you. Let's follow it right. - Clear. I nodded, standing and walking back to the office, with Lauren and dr. Carlos behind me. The rest of the consultation was filled with doctor's explanations related to my food, giving emphasis on foods that I should avoid. In addition, I was informed of what I could or could not do, besides the frequency with which I should keep visits to the obstetrician, and some advised and forbidden physical exercises. "As you get older," he began, laughing, "I'm getting more annoying with the pregnancy. OK? I do not know why it took me so long to remember a small detail, hitherto completely ignored not only by myself, but also by Lauren and even by Ally. - We will travel. I said, not worrying if that information seemed sudden or out of context - Let's move ... To London. I stared at Lauren, silently asking her why she had not remembered that. She looked at me distracted at first, but when she realized I was right, she sighed audibly and leaned back in her chair. "We're going to have to find another obstetrician." She said, barely holding back the smile on the corner of her mouth. "Oh, what a shame. - The Doctor. Carlos spoke, genuinely meaningful, and Laurem looked at him with a face of "What a shame the bitch gave him!" - But it's alright. I know great obstetricians scattered around London. Can I give you the contacts ... - Are they your age? Lauren asked, and although it was obvious she did not want to sound rude, I wanted to reprimand her. I stared at her with hate, but she looked at me like an innocent child. - Sorry, doctor. "I said, turning to the doctor and giving some kind of excuse for the lack of education - Lauren has been going weird since she learned of the pregnancy. "I know I might look new," he began, staring at Lauren and speaking the words in a very polite way, "but I can assure you that I take my profession seriously. He would never leave his future wife and mother of his son unattended. Only medical attention. I might think he had misunderstood Lauren's hostility, but his attitude made it clear that he understood - and very well - the motive of those little rudeness. The next moment, the doctor brought his left hand to his chin, leaving her there as if he were only leaning, but he managed to make the fine, very discreet ring on the ring deliberately. In addition to being an ethical professional, dr. Carlos was married. And those truths certainly made Lauren feel like an idiot. - I know. She said, bowing her head very blandly. "And then ..." I turned to the doctor, ignoring Lauren solemnly. "I'd like the contacts, Doctor. If you can get me ... Lauren did not say anything else during the consultation. The other doubts I had - some pretty stupid - were answered without her giving a shout, not even to give her opinion. "Well, any more questions?" - The Doctor. Carlos spoke, trying to pull Lauren back into the conversation. "No," I replied, not waiting for her, who followed me in the answer soon after. "Then, since you're not likely to be here the next month of your pregnancy, I want you," he said, gesturing to me, "a good gestation." Everything will work out, do not worry. - Ok ... - I started, getting up, and getting Lauren up too - Thank you very much, Doctor. And ... I'm sorry for anything. - It's all right. He smiled, and turned to Lauren, holding out his hand. "Congratulations on the new family." - Thanks. She said accepting her outstretched hand, and her shame was evident. I found it well done. The drive to the car was silent, with her following me, trying to walk at the same speed as I did. Lauren did not say a word, which I thought was great, because she was not about to argue about her sudden sudden crisis. The journey was also silent, although, sometimes, I noticed that she was facing me almost innocently.- Will not you talk to me anymore? She asked suddenly, but I did not freak out. I kept silent, looking at the landscape, making no point in sketching any reaction. She did not insist, going back to leave the journey quietly, so that had been our only form of interaction during the entire journey. When we got to her building, I got out of the car without giving her time to turn around and open my door, as I knew I would. I walked theatrically to the elevator, with Lauren following me closely, probably in panic that I would stumble or something. - Why are you not talking to me? She insisted as we entered the apartment. I stared at her with a bad face. "You were an idiot." Why the hell did you act that immature way? I asked, wanting her to give me some excuse to make my disgust pass. She closed her face even more as she answered, "Can not I be jealous?" Only you? "No, you can not, because I never gave you a reason for it. It was not your case. I felt weakly victorious for leaving her without arguments. She stared at me, clearly trying to think of a good answer, but all she'd done, after a few seconds of silence, was to tie her face more tightly. "I do not need reasons to be jealous of you ..." She started, but I interrupted her. "But you need reasons to be rude to others. Never do that again, it was disgraceful. I pointed, turning my back on her and going into the bedroom to lie down. She did not follow me. After many minutes there, alone, I began to criticize myself for the exaggerated anger. Lauren's idiotic crisis of jealousy had in fact been both unnecessary and embarrassing. But maybe I did not have to be so hard on her. She only felt threatened. The problem was not knowing how to deal with insecurity. I was taken from my daydreams when, moments later, Lauren appeared on the mattress beside me, hugging me, apologizing for being an idiot and whining for irritating me. As it turned out, I could not get angry at her for much longer, and seconds later I was already purring against her chest like a meek cat. I let the climate of our little reconciliation make me soft as gelatin in his arms, not caring about anything else. And then, when I was already accepting the fact that I wanted to be grabbed and eaten by her, Lauren cut my cheap one more time. - I will prepare the lunch. She finished, kissing my forehead exactly as before. "But ..." I started, wanting to understand why the hell she'd thrown a bucket of cold water on my horn. "You can lie down when everything is ready, I'll call you." And so, just leaving me in that deplorable state, she left. I snorted, cursing her. *** My third month of pregnancy was beginning, and while I was concerned only with my belly - which was finally starting to show signs of growth - Lauren was concerned about absolutely everything: The company, change and pregnancy. His concern was exaggerated, as I imagined it would be. But it was only on Monday after the news that I noticed that his super protective behavior would give me more headache than I imagined. - What are you doing? She said, walking into the bathroom without thinking at all that she might be invading my privacy. - Brushing teeth? I answered, lifting up to the height of his eyes the toothbrush I held. - Why did you wake up so early? "I woke up when I always agreed ..." "Exactly. I think you should start waking up later ... "I looked at her, genuinely confused. "My hours at work have not changed ..." "What?" You can not go to work! She spoke a little desperately, as if I had just announced that I was going to practice bungee jumping. - And why not? But it was clear that I already knew the answer. It was the standard response, the reason for everything from the sixth that Lauren learned of the news. - Because you're pregnant! - AND...? I called out. - "And" you can not work pregnant! "You remember I've been pregnant for two months, have not I?" - Because we did not know! Now that we know, we have to do the right thing. You and the baby can take risks! "Explain to me how I can take some risk by arranging books in alphabetical order?" - There are stairs on that damn thing! Well, it was obvious she was right about that point. But I was not stupid."Of course I'm not going upstairs." I'll do the job lighter. - You are not going! She cut me off, already in despair. - I'll! Stop messing with me! - I 'm not ordering! I'm asking! His voice was squeaky, which would be very funny if it was not scary. "Lauren, for Christ's sake." It is only at the end of pregnancy that the work should be stopped. And if that is not enough for you, know that I would never put our child at risk. She stopped, a little panting up, looking manically at my belly. I was late for work that morning, for several reasons. First, Lauren insisted I take two coats, claiming the weather was still very cold, even as we approached spring. Secondly, because it made me take a double breakfast, saying that my energies should be in place for the day's work. Third, because he kept insisting on making me promise, by all the sacred souls of the universe, that I would take care. When she finally left me in the library-because even though she had to go the other way to what she did every day to go to work, Lauren refused to let me walk or taxi-she seemed even more fearful. "I'll call you a few times during the day, okay?" "As long as" sometimes "is a normal number ..." I teased. - Please, pick me up. Otherwise I come here to see why you did not answer. I promised I would, but my intuition had not failed when I imagined that would not be enough. So before my time left, Lauren simply materialized beside me, regardless of whether or not I could be in an area restricted to library staff. Without ceremony, she went after mr. Blake, only to explain it, theatrically, that "there was a life within me, and that, for all that was most sacred, I could not take chances." Mr. Blake obviously tried to explain to her that my job was so monotonous that nothing could happen, but Lauren seemed skeptical. I scowled after her just to inform mr. Blake was no use arguing with a stubborn stubborn. Their exaggerations did not improve even when we were at home. Now that a small protruding belly was beginning to make my clothes fairer, Lauren seemed to make some bizarre association with my food, saying that now I should eat double as well. In order not to hear complaints, I began to adopt the habit of dining small portions. It was clear she wanted me to eat an ox at every dinner, but after convincing her (screaming, when my patience ran out) that it would be impossible, she seemed to accept. And so, Lauren became a true pursuer in my life. Every day I received at least five calls from you, asking me if there was something wrong and what I was doing. When she was exhausted from that pursuit, she hung up her cell phone. But it was no good, because she also had the library number. And when I asked Mr. Blake gave any excuse that I did not have to talk on the phone, she just sprang out of nowhere, minutes later, blown out the front door and doing a Shakespearean drama. Her worry and anxiety increased even more when we went to get the exams done by the obstetrician - both the usual and what would indicate the sex of the baby - even though the results would only come out a week and a half later, besides the gynecological exams.I already felt a little suffocated, but not enough to bother me. By the way, it would be nice if Lauren choked me at certain times. "Hmmmpf ..." I exited, clinging to her on the bed. It was past eleven at night. - What is it? Want something? She asked, looking away from the TV and staring at me worriedly. Lately she had always looked at me like that, and it was starting to irritate me. "It was nothing, Lauren. - I'm already half-bitch. - I'm just hugging you. - Ah. But you're ... - I'm fine. I'm not nauseous. Nor with hunger, nor with thirst, nor with pain, nor with cold, nor with heat, nor with sleep. "Ah ..." she said, just to have something to say. I clung to her again, cupping my face in the curvature of her neck and breathing in a purposefully intense way there. I felt her shudder. "We have not dated for a while," I said, trying to remind her subtly that this was a relatively long sexless period, and in the state I was in, desperately long. "Oh, my love ... You know ..." She began, smoothing my arm. "I'm very busy with the company. And the free time I use to sort the change gradually and take care of you and the baby. - Yeah, I know. I said, softly kissing the length of her neck. "But it's not like you do not have any free time ... For example, now ..." "Aham ..." She started, pulling away from me. I'm a little tired ... You know, today was a difficult day. I continued to hold her, stirring a growing sense of rejection. But instead of being sad and depressed, I felt incredibly irritated. "Are you telling me you're so tired that we can not even enjoy the moment?" I asked, controlling my almost titanic fury. "I'm dying of sleep," she said, audibly yawning, and I was sure it was fake. I kept staring at her, planning how many ways I could torture her. But after a while, all I did was swallow and jerk myself away from her, turning my back and pulling the comforter all over to me. Some time later, I heard the tv being turned off and his arms wrapped around my waist, his hand touching as always my belly. "Do not touch me. This will most likely require a lot of energy from you. She did not seem to care about the comment, and she moved closer to me, her hand on my belly. That little contact, even if innocent, was setting me on fire. All because Lauren had decided to play the nun, and she was probably having fun at the cost of my sexual despair. Even as I enjoyed feeling her skin, I held her hand firmly and pulled it from my belly. "Camz ..." She started, but I interrupted her. - I'm serious. If you do not have the time or the disposition, it is not I who will be the embarrassment that will keep you awake. Sweet Dreams, baby.I drew the last word in a tone of debauchery, and she certainly knew it. Still, he did not answer, only accepting with a sigh of disgust the distance I had established between us. But it was no use. The next morning, his arms would be around my waist and his hand would always be flattened in my belly button again. *** - She's nervous? "No." I lied categorically. I was nervous. Lauren and I were in her car, going to the obstetrician with the test results. In order to keep our cool - or at least try - we decided not to read anything before the doctor himself, because if there was any observation out of the "normal" in those reports, even if it was not much, we would not understand the medical terms and we would end up in panic, maybe for nothing So the envelopes were still sealed. Both the exams related to my health when the examination that informed the sex of the baby. - I'm. She said, trying to keep her eyes on the street ahead. Lauren did not even have to announce that: It was obvious. I felt a little bad for maybe being responsible for not generating our child the right way. I prayed to all the saints that there was nothing in those exams so that the baby would not be at risk, especially because he was the most important thing in the world now, but also because I would never forgive myself if something happened to him. Because it would be my fault. "It will not do anything," I said, a little low, trying to convince myself that it was silly to worry. If there was anything, previous exams would have pointed out. - Of course not. She spoke to me, resting her right hand on my leg and applying some strength there, as if she wanted to give me confidence. Still, it was not difficult to notice the vacillation of insecurity in the smile she gave. I was silent for the rest of the trip. She did the same. Any word that sounded between the two of us at that moment seemed like a spark in the gunpowder, approaching an explosion of nerves every second. When we arrived, our nervousness seemed to intensify. I tried to look calm, because if Lauren realized my condition would probably go into desperation, saying that all this tension would end up hurting the baby. And I would believe it, and I would panic too. And then we would be two desperate mothers on the verge of a syncope.- Good morning ladies. We sat down, and got carried away by the aura of positivity and animation of dr. Carlos. Lauren was so nervous that she seemed to have simply forgotten to be jealous. - Good morning Doctor. "We did not see anything because ..." "Because we were scared. I concluded, imagining that perhaps speaking, at that moment, might alleviate my tension a little. "Well, too," Lauren went on. "But because we thought it best that you saw, and if there was anything abnormal, explain it to us." Before we came to the wrong conclusions. - They did very well. He said, accepting the envelopes from Lauren's hands and opening them quietly, like opening a Christmas letter. He analyzed the results for some time. A good time. Maybe weeks. My stomach was starting to turn randomly, making me feel a little sicker with each passing second. Lauren was motionless in the chair next to me, staring at the doctor, who was still turning and turning the pages. The hum of air conditioning seemed much louder now, and it bothered me more too. It was cold, but I did not pay much attention to that little detail. I could hear every swollen dry Lauren gave, and that was leaving me on the verge of a fit of nerves. Even the noise of the pages being turned up was winding my imminent explosion. If the doctor had not said something at the time, I probably would have screamed. - You can breathe in relief. Mommy does not have any kind of problem that could harm the baby. I felt a few tons disappear behind my back. I sighed deeply, not because I followed the literal sense of what dr. Carlos had said it, but it was because the relief I felt was so great I could hardly deal with it. I closed my eyes and thanked her, even though I did not know who or what right, but I knew I should be grateful. And I was. - I knew. "I heard Lauren speak next to me, but her tone gave the relief she felt. I still had my eyes closed, too light to react in any way, but I was sure she was smiling. I felt her grasp my hands and squeeze them, bringing me back to reality. I opened my eyes and came across dr. Carlos, holding the two identical closed envelopes that remained. - Two? He asked, a little confused. - Yeah ... I asked you to do it twice ... For the sake of clarity. Lauren said, a little shy. "She likes to spend money for nothing ..." I said, completely distracted by the papers in the doctor's hands. He laughed. "You did not open it?" He asked, staring at us, and my heart suddenly started to pound again. - No, we'll let you get all the news at once. Lauren said, laughing at the still fresh relief and anticipation for yet another novelty. - Got it. The doctor said, unceremoniously opening the first envelope. If I paid attention, I was sure I could hear the pounding of my heart at that moment. All of dr. Carlos seemed to be made in slow motion, and I was sure that all that adrenaline could not do the baby well. Lauren and I were staring at him with absolute attention, registering every change in his expression. As if he knew that, he seemed to be struggling not to sketch any reaction. Irritably calm, he took the second envelope and opened it, also reading the report of that examination. - Well, they both gave the same result ... - He started, making me shake a little - So I think there really is no doubt. - And then? I asked, and only realized that the voice was mine after I heard it. The answer probably came in less than two seconds. For me, however, the silence between that question and the answer hovered in the air for at least an eternity. - It's a girl. I hoped that piece of information would have an effect, both on me and on Lauren, mute and paralyzed by my side. Although I had my convictions that, after all, the baby would really be a girl, yet hearing the confirmation made me even happier. A girl.I looked at Lauren, who still stared at the doctor the same way. Just as I - or perhaps more - she seemed distant, trying to process the information. She could not tell whether that novelty had been well accepted by her or not, because she did not sketch any reaction. - Well, actually ... - Dr. Carlos continued. "I can assure you there are no boys in this gestation, but we should not rule out the possibility of twins or more, even though your belly is not big enough for that. But if there is more than one baby, I can assure you that they will all be girls. I shuddered at the thought of "twins or more." As a first-time mother, if a simple pregnancy started to give me a little panic, I wondered what twins would not be able to do with me. "And how can we be sure ..." I began the question, but I did not have to finish it. - You will know for sure how many babies are after the first ultrasound, which for what it says here in your record, is already scheduled. But from my experience, I believe it's a single girl. I paid close attention to everything that dr. Carlos said, but it was impossible to be completely aware of him while Lauren stood there, catatonic, motionless with her thoughts, unable to be part of the exchange of information between us. I could only relax when, some time later - probably the time it took for her to have some reaction - I turned aside again and saw her smiling weakly as she kept her gaze unfocused on the wall behind the dr. Carlos. It could only mean that she was happy. I breathed more relieved. When it was time to leave, I called her in a quiet low voice, almost as if trying to wake her from a deep sleep. She seemed to wake up, and although she was still extremely distracted, she thanked dr. Carlos for the attention with a radiant smile on his face and left the office, pulling me by the hand. Gradually, she was coming back to herself. "My God, what if they're triplets?" Lauren asked, lively as a child on Christmas Eve, bouncing lightly on the bed and making me jump next to her. "They will not be. I said, trying to cover myself with the duvet. - How do you know? The doctor said we should not rule out the possibility- "" Well, I hope it is not. - Because? She spoke in an offended tone, though I did not know what exactly offended her. "You're not going to give birth, are not you, sweetheart?" I laughed, pinching her lightly. "Well, at least you'd go through it once, and I would not stuff your sack anymore," she said, trying to sound casual as she slipped under the duvet and clung to me as always. repeat the dose at least two more times. I was silent for a while, my back to her. Again, Lauren had caught me by surprise, being extremely confident in things that seemed trivial when she spoke, but which were huge. "Do you want to have three children?" I asked in a weak voice after a while. - At least. She spoke quietly against my hair. "But I'm not in a hurry." I was silent for a little while, letting her confidence flood me slowly. I was still insecure in many ways, but Lauren seemed to take everything so simply that, over time, it calmed me too. As I turned and faced her, I felt her muscles tighten, as it usually did in the last few days. Maybe she was beginning to miss our contact as much as I felt, but at that moment my intention was not to seduce her. I'm sorry if I seem to be uncomfortable. I started, very close to his face. "Okay ..." She hugged me tightly. "We do not need to talk about it right now. "No, it does not bother me," I interrupted, hugging back and looking into his eyes. "I'm not uncomfortable, it's just ... I never thought anyone would want to plan this sort of thing with me. - What kind of things?"You know ... to have a family ... Children, marriage ... It's still a little surprising to me ... This time it was she who was silent, analyzing me deeply. When he spoke again, I felt my heart melt some more. "You'd better get used to it then, because you're going to have to accept the fact that you put up with me for the rest of my life." I snuggled closer to her and smiled, not caring about anything else. I closed my eyes and stood there, clinging to her, waiting for nothing. So I was taken by surprise with a sweet, sweet kiss. I retaliated, involuntarily clutching at her neck. I did not want to force the bar, I did not want to change the intensity of that kiss, but it was impossible to control my libido. I forced my tongue against his mouth, and when she opened her lips, allowing me to deepen the kiss, I almost burst out with joy. My body began to tremble, and my pussy throbbed without me being able to avoid it, because that kind of intimacy had been missing for some time. And then, in less than a minute, I was completely wet ready for her. But, as usual, Lauren walked away, even though she gasped. I felt I was too close to murdering her. - Sleep. The day was heavy for you today. - She said, giving me little kisses and trying to get away from me a little. "It was not heavy. I am not sleepy. I said, a little desperate, still clinging to her neck. In a way, that was a lie: I was really tired, not because I had done much on that day, but because I spent half of it tense with all I had to know. Lauren used her lower blow, moving her fingers slowly up and down my back, traversing her spine in a torturous and slow way. She knew it was fatal. I knew I would sleep instantly. Shit. - Yes, it was. And I'm sure sleep will come. She spoke, her voice more melodious at the foot of my ear, and though my body still burned for her, I was gradually being calmed by her hand on my back, while the other stroked my belly, as always. And then, of course, I slept. Lauren was running all day from side to side, too busy with everything. It was like this all week long, and even the weekends seemed to run. That was because there were things about the company, especially when it came to board change. As if that were not enough, our change was fast approaching, and crates began to appear on all sides. So the time we had together, usually the nights, was filled with revisions in company paperwork and crates lined up in the hallways of her apartment. His attention on me, though redoubled as my belly grew, was zero when it came to sex, and it became so strange that I began to worry. I was now almost 12 weeks pregnant, and from the moment we discovered about pregnancy, Lauren did not touch me. Every desperate attempt on my part resulted in a new excuse, and even though I knew she was really busy, it was impossible not to notice that if it was something related to the baby, not me, she seemed completely oblivious to the rest of the world and gave total attention to my needs. She did not want to have sex with me. And I did not know why. And it was going up the walls. - Hello? - Hi, doctor. It's Mila. Camila Cabello. I said, trying to sound casual. - Hello, Mila. Did something happen? - The Doctor. Carlos answered, on the other side of the line. "No ... nothing with the baby." I'm great. I mean, with a little nausea, and back pain, but ... "I stopped, trying to get back to the subject at hand." It's something else. - You can talk. - Ahm ... - I started, feeling a bit stupid - I do not know if it's up to you to talk about it ... - We can try. He replied, encouraging me.I hesitated a little, but I remembered my current state. - It's about Lauren. He was silent, probably waiting for me to continue. When this did not happen, he spoke again. - Okay, I'm listening. I sighed. "She ... She's far away. - Distant how? Is she not paying attention to the pregnancy? "No, that's not it. She pays enough attention to the baby. Even chokes me ... "" So? " "So ..." I started, and I was sure I was beginning to blush. "She pays attention to me, but ... only with pregnancy-related things. I prayed for him to understand. And as an experienced obstetrician, though new, he understood. - Ah. You are apart as a couple. "It's ..." "She does not show interest ..." I interrupted him, a little desperate. - Not! She does not touch me! You refuse to fuck me! It makes up excuses every time I try something, since I heard about pregnancy! I can not take it anymore! - Easy, Mila. I shut up, hoping he'd give me some explanation as to Lauren's attitude, or give me a solution. Anything would be welcome. "Is she no longer affectionate with you?" - I heard him ask. - No ... She's still the same ... She says she loves me every day ... But it does not touch me at all! "And before your pregnancy, how often did you have sex?" - Almost everyday. - I whined, leaving aside the shame - I do not know what I do! I'm about to get her drunk so I can take advantage of her! I knew it sounded stupid, but I did not care. I was a desperate woman. - Mila ... The reactions of men and also in the case of Lauren for being "special," in the period may vary. Some may feel more attracted to their wives, others maintain the relationship as it used to be, and others move away. Lauren seems to fit into this last group. This does not mean she does not feel horny, but sometimes it's complicated for her. If she had seen you as a lover before, now she has a purer picture of you. You are the mother of her daughter, and that should make her unable to touch you without feeling guilty or thinking that she is doing something wrong. A lot of men react that way, and in that case, I see that Lauren reacts like that, too. I stared at the wall like a mentally feeble one, simply because all I could do was wait for him to come up with some solution to that. "And how ... How the hell am I going to convince her ...?" "I started, cursing Lauren for being so weird. "You need to talk." Try to understand her, and try to get her to understand you. If it does not work, we'll make a three-way conversation. All right? I tried to control the lump in my throat, forcing myself not to cry. - It's all right. - And calm down. Remember that your emotional load reflects on your daughter. Talk to me today, and tomorrow you call me and tell me how it went. I'll be waiting for you. "Okay," I said, trying to calm down. "Thank you, Doctor. And sorry for taking up your time. - No need to apologize. I'm here to make your pregnancy better, always remember that. - It's all right. Thanks. "See you tomorrow, Mila." "I did." I hung up with a tightness in my chest. It was after 7pm, and Lauren had not yet arrived. I tried to calm myself again, exercising my breath with my eyes closed. I tried to refuse to believe it. She could not just have stopped wishing me. I could not see myself with other eyes. That was absurd, and it hurt me. I was the mother of her daughter, and God only could tell how happy I felt with that fact. But that did not make me give up my role as a woman. And, like every woman, I had to explore my sexuality. If that were true, I'd just feel like a walking belly, carrying the only valuable thing Lauren had. And it hurt me. Would not she touch me for the rest of her pregnancy? If she denied me with her belly still slightly larger, what would it be like in the last months of gestation? Would she avoid me even more? Why did the lack of intimacy bother only me, and not her? Was it possible that Lauren was relieving herself in other ways? Was it possible that, seeing me exclusively as the mother of his daughter, she had sought out anyone else who would play my former role? The role of lover, who would satisfy your limited wishes for this pregnancy? Had she gone after another woman? Or what would be worse: Had he gone after a prostitute, paying her to do what I was supposed to do? God, why was I thinking about that? Perhaps I was exaggerating, or making absurd assumptions, but despair began to take me in such a way that now I was strenuous not to laugh at the situation itself. I had already been in the prostitute's place, and now I was in the place of the betrayed woman.How far could this irony go? How cruel could she be? How many women had I done wrong in the past for being what I was? Maybe it was time to pay for this. Pay for my sins of the past. Still, I could not handle it, and that was hopeless. - Do not be stupid! She is not cheating on you! I spoke out loud, controlling the urge to slap myself. I forced myself to repeat, incessantly, that this was simply ridiculous, and that there was no reason for such suspicion. But I needed her to confirm it so I could breathe properly. Then, for one reason or another, I would put her against the wall that night. It would not be over that night.
