Pov Camila - Hi, my love! Lauren said cheerfully as she walked into the living room and threw herself on the couch next to me. As she always did, she gave me a tender kiss and, following her latest craze, lifted my coat and kissed my belly, talking to her like a madwoman talking to any inanimate object - Hi, cutie. "You were late today. I said, forgetting the movie on the TV, hoping that my voice had not shown all the hostility and anxiety inside me. "I've had several emergency meetings," she said dispassionately. "Did she give you a hard time today?" Every time Lauren talked about "she" with me, she was referring to our daughter. I had learned that in the past few weeks. "No. It was a quiet day today. I did not vomit at all. I said, watching her cling to me and rub her cheek once more into my belly button. Her nose tickled me a little, so I shivered involuntarily. My shiver, however, did not go unnoticed by her. - How nice. I heard her say as she walked away suddenly. I felt the rejection again, and again I felt the urge to cry and assault her. - I'm going to take a shower. The day was tiring today. "" Like everyone else. I said bitterly. She noticed my bad mood, but did not say anything, turning around and going to the bathroom of her room. It was the longest shower Lauren ever took. Or maybe it had lasted what her baths used to last, but given my state of anxiety, she seemed to be locked in the bathroom a few weeks ago. I was about to punch the door, pretending to be ill, but I restrained myself. I waited patiently - or almost - just wanting her to leave soon and lessen my anxiety. I needed to talk to her. I walked around the room, trying to contain myself. I stayed like this for a few minutes, until she was finally kind enough to join me again. - It's all right? She asked, watching me in the corner of the room, arms folded. "I want you to feel. I said it bluntly. - Because? She countered, her voice sounding a little worried. "Because I want to talk to you." She stared at me anxiously, and, taken in by curiosity, went to sit on the edge of the bed, just so I would speak soon. - What's it? Is it something to her? "No. She is very well. I said, feeling my blood begin to boil. "So what?" Do you want something? I stared at her for a while, trying to find the right words to start the conversation. - I want. I want one thing. - Which is? - She hurried to speak - Whatever, you know you can ask ... - I want sex. That might have sounded a bit inappropriate, but I did not care much about it. The important thing was to get the message through, as clean and crystal clear as possible. As Lauren did not answer, I finished my little speech. "Now if possible. -It's just ... "She said, shifting on the edge of the bed and looking at the opposite wall. But I was already prepared for the excuse I would see next, whatever it was - It's just ... My head, it's killing me ... - And since when did you turn that virgin? Who denies a fuck because of a headache? I said, now completely hostile. She stared at me in surprise. "I ... You know my day was full ..." She started, but I interrupted her without the slightest education. - Lauren Michelle, do not be a liar! If I told you I was having a bad time, you'd make no effort to take me to the first hospital. But since all I want is to fuck, after WEEKS in the drought, you seem unwell? She did not answer, and at least I was more pleased that she had not insisted on the lie. "What the hell is going on?" Why do not you put a finger on me? I said, I could no longer disguise my utter indignation. - Love ... - Is it because I'm going to be a mother? Because if this is it, I have to inform you that I am still a woman. I said bitterly and ironically. "I know ..." "Is that so?" I insisted, already wanting to cry again. - Not! Is not it! - What is it then? Are not you attracted to me? I asked, feeling a slight pain in my chest for the possible rejection. "Of course I'm attracted to you!" She answered, looking at me almost incredulous. - Is it because I'm getting fat? Is it my belly? Is not my body as you wanted it to be? Lauren sighed, and for a second I imagined she was beginning to lose her temper. "Camz, please do not talk rubbish ..." "Have you met other women?" I asked before I could think if that was an appropriate question. Her eyes widened, perhaps out of surprise or perhaps out of indignation. "What are you talking about?" She spat, now really slut. "How have you been dealing with it so well all this time?" I said, already shaking. - " So good "? You do not know what you're saying! - Yes I know! You do not touch me! "And you know how hard it is not to touch you when you have your dreams every night and you rub yourself in like a nymphomaniac?" I looked at her with a mixture of shame and indignation. "And why the hell do you refuse to touch me?" Why do not you get me at once? You know I want to! "Why are you pregnant?" I was silent, trying to pretend that I had not just heard that. I tried to hold my breath, but it was no use. If Lauren wanted to take me seriously, she had. That was supposed to be a question, but it came out like a shout. - WHAT'S THE FUCK OF THE PROBLEM? "I'm not going to get you with my daughter in there!" If I hurt her ... I was not listening anymore. It was so absurd so incredibly stupid that my brain simply stopped processing whatever it was that she was talking about at that moment. My anger multiplied by twenty when I learned that my forced abstinence was due solely to the fact that Lauren was so dumb as to think that something completely absurd like that could happen. "You ... You ..." I started, not sure if I'd scream or I'd come up with a knife. "You can not be serious ..." "If I hurt her ..." "YOU CAN NOT TOUCH THE BABY FUCK! EITHER YOUR DICK HAD HALF A METRO! I yelled, wanting to punch every visible part of her body. "Do not call our daughter fucking," she replied, her voice indignant, but forcing herself not to scream in the same tone, for she saw that I was beginning to lose control.And that obviously worried her about our daughter. As always. Without thinking, and just because there was nothing heavier around, I grabbed one of the pillows on the floor beside the bed, and threw it all over her face. It was obvious that it had not hurt her, but anyway, I was glad I could hit her somehow. Not that the result was pathetic. - Idiot! I screamed, getting out of the room as fast as I could, before the tear of anger I was trying to contain ran down my face. "You're an idiot!" I slammed the door shut, leaving her alone there. POV Lauren I sat there, staring at the closed door, wondering which attitude would be better: Let Camila cool her head and come to the conclusion that it was not worth killing me or going after her and trying to calm her down at the risk of life . Okay, I was a perfect ignoramus about sex in pregnancy. I did not know any fucking babies, after all, I was a single woman who never thought about having a child. But that pregnancy had taken me by surprise, and I confess that I did not do much research on the subject after knowing that I would be a mother. Yes, I was probably being pathetic. In fact, if I were to take Camila's reaction to my confession as a reference, I was sure that she was being VERY pathetic. But I admitted to being dumb enough on that subject, so I did not know if there was any risk of poking at our daughter. All I had left was to deprive myself of a little pleasure. Okay, a most important pleasure. But now, sitting there, still in the same position, I began to think I was really stupid. I do not know why I'd never talked to her about it. Maybe I was afraid she did not understand, or that I found myself completely ignorant. Either way, there were no excuses. I stood up, making the decision to go after her and clarify a few things. But I did not take a single step, because Camila was already in the room, snorting, her cell phone in her hand and her eyes bulging. She was more or less like an Affectionate Teddy Bear, and that would be lovely if I was not scared. When she reached for it, I unintentionally turned away, thinking she would punch me in the nose. When I understood what she wanted, I took the phone from her hand and brought it to her ear. - Hello? "Oh, good evening, Lauren. It's dr. Carlos. I heard him say, disguising his yawn. I looked at Camila and found that her gaze still had an incredibly murderous glow. So, even though I feel bad about interrupting the doctor's sleep-even if it was her calling and waking him up-I kept talking to him on the phone. "Ah ... good evening, Doctor." "Camila called me and told me that you talked." From the look on her face, he probably already knew everything we had talked about.- Yeah ... We talked ... More or less. "She told me that you have some doubts about the possibility of having sex during pregnancy. He was being polite, and I knew that. He was sure that Camila had told the situation to him a lot less mildly, with some swearing and cursing. "Yeah, I ... I do not know if I can ..." Camila snorted in front of me suddenly, and again I involuntarily moved away from her. "Lauren, you see ... The first thing I want to make clear is that you're not the only one to have that doubt. Many people find that sex during pregnancy can affect the baby in some way and impair the formation of the fetus, but listen carefully to what I say: There is no problem in maintaining intercourse during pregnancy. Your daughter is well protected in the womb, and her sexual organ can not in any way touch her. There's no chance of you hurting her. But of course I advise you to leave aside some practices like wild sex and more challenging positions of the Kama Sutra. The important thing is to make her comfortable in whatever position she wants. I repeat: There is no way you can harm the baby. On the contrary, everything your daughter feels is a reflection of how Mila feels. If she's okay, her daughter will be fine too. So make sure your wife relaxes. Sex helps a lot in this part, in addition to strengthening Perineum's muscles, which helps in childbirth. And if there are still doubts about other methods, let me explain: There is no problem with oral or anal sex, with or without ejaculation, as long as there is hygiene always. Masturbation is also released, and do not worry about her breasts. You can do with them everything you did before normally, but since they are more sensitive, just be careful not to hurt them. Even if it was disgusting to hear everything he told me with Camila staring at me as if she wanted to kill me at any moment, I tried to pay full attention to that information. "And ... And I can ... You know ... inside her?" - You can ejaculate inside the vaginal canal without the slightest problem. She can also afford to achieve orgasm. I say this because many women have the misconception that orgasms can lead to abortion. This is not true. Sex during gestation should be harnessed to the fullest, even as it serves as an outlet for all the anxieties of that period. Sexual intercourse during pregnancy should only be discontinued when there is bleeding or loss of amniotic fluid, but such cases are rare. Other than that, you are free to get physically involved. Do not worry, it will do you and the girl good as well. Okay, thank you, doctor. Sorry to interrupt your night ... - All right. I even expected that. Mila was a bit upset earlier this evening. I think you're going to have to redeem yourself. He said with a teasing giggle. "Ah ... Yes, I think so. I replied, feeling my good humor returning gradually. "Well, do you have any other questions?" No. Thank you for the explanations. "You're welcome." Now, enjoy the rest of the night. - Ok ... Thank you one more time. Good night. - Good night. The phone was mute on the other end of the line, and then I realized that now was the time to face all the fury of a pregnant, irritated woman in front of me. - Ahm ... - I started, a little bland - Sorry, love ... I did not know ... I was interrupted by your fists, punching me in all possible places. It was just like a teddy bear was supposed to punch, except that it stung. - There! Love! "I tried to hold her, but she was quick and slippery. - Idiot! Camila screamed, punching me even harder. I was picking up like a little girl.- Hey! It was bad for me too ... Oh! CAMZ! - Fuck you! You deserved nine more years without sex for it! Your ... Your ... fucking A4 sheet of paper! She punctuated, one more punch on my shoulder. Looking tired in hitting me, she stopped and stood there, staring at me with her labored breath. I did not react, just waiting for the moment when, after the small truce, Camila would return with everything to me, with even stronger caps and even more aggressive curses. It was obvious that I could use some of the strength she had and hold her for real, immobilizing her. But I would not do that, mainly because I knew I deserved every punch I received. Her hands were closed, her eyes still murderous, but she did not move anymore. Maybe I had misunderstood, but I considered his attitude as a loophole for me to act the way I wanted. Now it was mine. So I acted. I grabbed her without thinking if it would be right, and if she would accept. I clutched my lips lightly into hers, as if asking for permission. When I realized that it had worked, I pressed my lips to hers again, only now with a little force and I forced my tongue against hers without giving way to a tender kiss. I hugged her willingly, still taking care of her belly. As I attacked Camila with a little strength, I knew her body would eventually hit the wall sometime in that little second, so I put one of her hands behind her head to protect her. When I felt the cold wall on my knuckles, I pulled them out and grabbed his back. I felt her fingers tighten around my hair as she always did, pulling me close to her. I pressed her harder against the wall, and when I kept the small distance between our bellies, she raged and grabbed my body from behind, pulling me violently toward her. "Can you stop being an idiot?" She spoke, completely out of breath against my mouth, and the next second she kissed me again in despair. My hands, still on her lower back, came down and lifted her off the ground, forcing her legs to intertwine around my waist. I tried to keep my gentle touches, but it was being very difficult, especially because she did not seem to want kindness.Her body trembled, and I was sure it was not cold. We were both on fire, and I hated myself for knowing that all that despair was my fault. I felt my shirt pulled up, and I took it with my bra anyway, turning my lips to her neck. Not that I needed to stimulate her, but I knew that my nose leaning in that area made Camila simply mad. - My God! Eat me soon She gasped against my ear, and I would find it very funny if I was not mad about horny and completely willing to do what she asked. I carried Camila to her bed and laid her there, desperately in a hurry, pulling off the sweatpants she was wearing with her panties. That was the sort of situation where preliminaries would not stimulate anyone, because no one there needed encouragement. Since she did not object to my haste, I kicked my pants off anyway and went to kneel between her legs, opening them without even asking permission. She took off her coat on her own. I positioned myself in its entrance already moving forward, but still carefully. Doing that knowing that my cock was wrangling with my own daughter space inside her body was weird, even though I knew now that there was no problem at all. It was a fool I needed to overcome. Going against all my wildest desires, I slipped in slowly, getting used to the sensation and at the same time remembering how good it felt to feel again. Of course, a few weeks were not enough to make me forget what it was like to have sex, but it was enough to make my sex drive triple, almost like a virgin teenager. I gripped her waist, swearing to myself that I would only penetrate her with half my cock. Obviously, after a few strides, I realized that I was already putting everything inside. "Am I hurting?" I asked, not knowing how. "No ..." She sighed, squeezing against me and fitting her body into mine. I took a deep breath, trying to keep in control. I stepped millimetrically into her pussy, watching the way her body writhed against mine. It was obvious that Camila was not satisfied with that slowness, because even I was not. This was obvious when, perhaps unconsciously, she began to move back and forth against my cock, curling up on the mattress in front of me and causing me to start shaking. I fought bravely against that scene, which called me and urged me to do what she wanted. I knew what she wanted. And he knew how much she wanted. But then she opened those eyes and stared at me. They did not ask me to do it right. They simply ordered. - Fuck you! I said to myself and holding Camilla tightly around the waist, I pushed her so hard now that I almost got unbalanced. If she felt pain, she would let me know. If he did not, God only could tell when that was going to end. I heard her moan, but from experience she knew they were groaning purely in pleasure. I let some guttural sounds escape my own throat, oblivious to anything but this woman. I leaned forward, keeping my body still hanging, arms stretched each on either side of her head, and I kissed her furiously. She returned, closing her legs around my waist and reinforcing the movements we now both made at the same time. The night was fairly cold, but I was sweating.I only noticed that when I felt her hands slipping behind my back, desperate for support. I turned on the bed abruptly and I stopped the kiss, got on my knees and lifted her up so she would sit on my lap and say the intensity and speed of the movements. And then she rode on me, that beautiful way that only she knew how to do. - Bitch who gave birth ... Camila ... - I breathed and tried to control the orgasm at the same time, but I was failing both ways. I ran my hands over her body, already slightly modified by the advance of the pregnancy. I stopped in the small protruding belly and felt incredibly attracted to it, even if, under normal conditions, that excess was not attractive. Her body was changing, and I was finding it very sexy. Which, honestly, made no sense. I looked at her again, and I noticed that her face was contorted in a familiar expression. She was very close to her own climax. Camila looked like jelly after an orgasm, and I needed to hold it before it simply melted in my lap. So I hugged her, making a cage around her, while reinforcing our movements. His fingers tightened the strands of my hair tightly, so I knew it was only a matter of a few seconds before it exploded. When I felt her pussy begin to open and close against my cock, I pressed her even closer against me and brought my ear closer to her mouth, just to hear the sound she would utter. Listening to her was one of the most stimulating sensations that existed. - Ahhhhhhh .... that fucking .... I could not hold myself, and before she could stop moaning, I was already enjoying myself too. After a while, which seemed to be enough, when I came back to me, she was still on my lap, her head resting on my shoulder. "It was always very good to have sex with you ..." I started, still a little dizzy. "But this time it was ... fucking good. "Maybe because you've deprived the two of us for weeks." She countered, completely comfortable to be honest. "So you mean every time we do not have sex for a while, it'll be all right?" I said, taunting her. She lifted her head and looked at me. Although it seemed almost harmless now, I saw a glimpse of the murderous glow of before passing through his gaze. "Do you want to see your daughter born?" Camila asked, serious. - I want. "Then try to leave me without sex again." I could not stop laughing. She continued serious, but then kissed me calmly, seconds later beginning to deepen the kiss and making my body, still glued to hers, began to boil again. And we started to kill each other again. Once, twice, three times. We did everything. By the end of the night, she looked so exhausted that I had to be supportive during her shower. I carried her to the bed and wrapped several blankets over her body, shielding her from the cold. When I finished packing, I went to lie down next to her, but I knew that Camila would already be sleeping. I hugged her firmly, but still, softly. I smeared my hand in her belly as I always did, somehow apologizing for disturbing the peace of my little princess. It was stupid, I knew, but still, I wanted to think that she recognized my touch and my intentions every time I approached her. I buried my face in Camila's hair and closed my eyes. I did not have to wait long until sleep came, and seconds later, with a whisper almost inaudible even to the silence of the room, I wished goodnight to the two women of my life and, without thinking of anything else, I simply fell asleep. *** Camila Pov (Fourth month) By that time, I was completely transformed, and I was transformed continually, day after day. It was not only by appearance that one could say this: Although my belly had simply resolved to grow at once, compensating for the nearly three months of disguise, it was also in my mood that the pregnancy manifested itself.If at first abrupt changes in behavior left both Lauren and myself a little confused, now they seemed to catch us completely by surprise. I became afraid that I was developing some sort of bipolarity, since sometimes it was a matter of seconds for my mood to change radically, with tears and tears. But dr. Carlos made sure that this was normal. Apparently, Lauren was starting to be a little afraid of me. Of course, often when we fought (always for stupid reasons, because my mood resolved to get into crisis) she would not respond to what she would normally respond only because she was afraid that, insisting on the discussion, my nervousness would reach dangerous levels for the pregnancy. But at times I actually noticed her a little tense, being overly kind and gentle. And even if it only pissed me off, she seemed determined to play the kind of "all-you-want-girlfriend, love." I had threatened her with death a few times, and perhaps because I seemed sincere, at one point she began to choke me less. I felt victorious only until the moment when her small withdrawal brought a completely absurd sense of abandonment. After a lot of drama, we both managed to balance the swings my mood had, and then she knew when it was time to get away and when it was time to stick with me. - Love? She screamed as I heard the door of the room being slammed. - Bedroom! I screamed back, still staring at me in the oversized closet mirror of only panties and bra, just what I'd been doing for the past ten minutes. Lauren walked in with her dress in her hand, undoing her heeled shoes, she looked tired. I did not move, still staring at the mirror. I waited for her to come and stand there behind me. - All right, my pink princess? She asked, looking at me like someone looking at a grenade about to explode. I nodded, fighting the pre-crying pout that was starting to form on my face. She obviously realized that it was not okay, and so she approached, kissing my neck lightly as she casually tossed her dress in some corner, wrapping her arms around me right away. - Are you sure? - Lauren insisted, playing with the tip of her nose affectionately on my shoulder, but still looking at me reflexively with the utmost caution. The cry came to my throat and came back. My chin shook and my pout turned into a grimace. - I'm horrible. I managed to speak, trying not to tremble. She sighed against my neck. "Tell me exactly which part of you looks awful." Because I can not see ... - I whole. The tear that played in one of my eyes fell. "Love," she began, her voice soft and calm that showed all the patience of a Buddhist monk. "You can not be ugly. "I'm fat ... and deformed ..." "You're not deformed. But if our daughter is in there, her skin and her muscles need to stretch. As usual, she spread her hands on my belly, not huge, but evidently developed. "You did not deny that I'm fat." I started, feeling an idiot sadness. "You're not fat." She spoke, gently kissing my ear. "You look beautiful." "I'm not beautiful." I'm huge. I even have breasts now. "I missed my bust and Lauren laughed. "It has not happened now. Her breasts are bigger a long time. I had noticed before I heard about the pregnancy. "If you had noticed, why did not you tell me?" I had no idea .. "I started, wanting to divert the conversation a bit just to try to feel less depressed. "I'm sure if I did, you'd think I'd called you fat." I looked again at my own reflection, remembering the original subject.- But I'm fat ... - I whined, doing the pout again. And Lauren insisted on being perfect all the time, giving me all the attention and affection when I wanted, and giving me space when I seemed about to bite her. Although she was still a bit afraid when we fucked, this idiocy also seemed to improve gradually. The Doctor. Carlos had warned me that in some cases the mother's moodiness and irritation during pregnancy could affect the relationship between the couple, making the father and Lauren "Mãe" also become more impatient during this period. But even though I was afraid that would happen, her mood did not seem to shake with anything, either because of my constant change of mood, overwork, or the stress of our change, which would be a week from now. I, on the other hand, could not know how to contain so many feelings - both opposites and complements - inside me, all fighting for space at once. It was not uncommon to feel anxious, worried, distressed, explosively happy and completely emotional, all at the same time. So it was in her that I sought my own equilibrium, for all that Lauren seemed to feel was full happiness and unshakable peace. Your posture has only changed a bit on a particular day. I have to go somewhere. I said, watching her wrap the china in newspapers and then go into a cardboard box. The apartment was now strangely empty just being filled by the corners for more and more boxes of different sizes piled on each other, though the furniture was still there. She stared at me curiously, her handwork aside. - Ok ... Where? I sighed. I knew that would not be an easy conversation, and so I had prepared myself for it during those last few days. - The Hills. She dodged in a subtle, almost imperceptible way. As if my words had struck her, but she did not want to show that she had been hit. For a while, all he did was stare at me, perhaps wondering if I should say anything. - Why ... Why do you want to go there? "I've got matters out there." I said, trying to sound casual as I held out another sheet of newspaper for her. But the porcelain had already been completely forgotten. "You have no subject there." I looked at her reprovingly, as she hoped she would notice that answering questions from my life for me was not only inadequate but idiotic. - Yes I have. Whether you want to or not. My voice trailed off. - What will you do there? She asked, using a new tone in her voice that showed more humility than before. Again, I sighed. - I have friends there. And I do not care what kind of friends they are or under what circumstances they came into my life. They are friends who do not know what was left of me after I left completely broken. Friends who helped me during all the filthy moments that I spent in that house, and which deserve a minimum of respect and consideration. I need to go there, even if it's to apologize, thank you and say I'm fine. I did not expect Lauren to understand, but I'd like you to respect my decision. Even though I knew it displeased her, my conscience would not allow me to leave for London for two days without even saying goodbye to the only people who, for a certain moment in my life - a very bad moment - supported me and stood by. me aside.- It's all right. She said after several seconds. Lauren was not happy about that, but she did not seem quite ready to change my mind as I thought she would. - It's all right? I asked, still a little suspicious. "But I'm going with you." I considered his response, wondering if it was good or bad. I could not say. Not going to that place alone would be good, because ghosts hid there. But on the other hand, Lauren was directly attached to some of these ghosts, and her presence there would only remind me of everything even more intensely. "You do not have to go ..." I started, trying to get her to consider letting me do it myself. If she was just trying to be nice, then it was time to think it over. "I know I do not have to. But I want to go with you. - Because? "Because I want to be on your side." I know it will not be easy for you, so I want to be there. Even though I know it will not be easy for me either. It was a very concrete motive, it was true. Still, I was afraid to fiddle with a wound still healing. What was in the past was strong enough to spoil my happiness somehow, though I did not know exactly how. But that was definitely a point in my life that did not have to be touched, and I just had to deal with it. Lauren could and should be off the subject. But she also had the right to make decisions. And if his decision had been to accompany me, I would not intervene. Not when I was so frail. Not when he really preferred her to be, even though deep down she felt a possibly irrational fear of taking her back to that place. - Are you sure? I asked, wishing she really thought about the possible consequences. - Have. His voice came out determined. I continued to stare suspiciously, though there was no need. Her posture was quite firm, which made it clear she was right about her choice. "Okay," I finally said, and then Lauren seemed to want to put an end to it, turning to the wrapped dishes, even though I knew she was still distracted. I also wanted that subject to die, but not before I finished it the way I needed to finish. I left the newspaper on the table and approached her, hugging her behind me affectionately.- You'll be fine? I asked, unable to see his face. - I will. Do not worry. She answered, stopping to wrap the porcelain again. - Okay. Thank you for that. I said, kissing her back with genuine gratitude. I left the room seconds later, leaving her alone with the rest of the housekeeping. *** When Lauren finally hung up the familiar cobblestone street empty and narrow, my heart seemed to accelerate even more. The trip there, although relatively quick, seemed to be a little torture, since all he had done during the journey was to imagine what he would say to the people he was about to meet again. Not only that. I had to explain to them why I disappeared and did not give news. I had to explain what had happened to me during those months. He had to apologize for being completely remiss. And he did not know how to do it all. But it was the feeling of being there again that moved me the most. That place brought me memories, almost all of them bad. Still, there was no forgetting that it was precisely here that my life began to change. And dealing with so many sensations at the same time was making me at least confused. "They should have gone to our house. - Lauren said suddenly, scaring me a little - We should not have come here. I noticed that she was staring at the wheel, and I was sure that it was just a strategy not to look around and remember the time she was walking around. It was obvious that she was not comfortable and did not want to play again at this point in the past. A point we had in common. But I had to face that. It was something I knew I would have to go through if I wanted to get over everything at once. I just shook my head, and even though her eyes did not get out of the steering wheel, I knew she could see me from her peripheral vision. I tested my breathing a few times, trying to calm myself down and remembering that my daughter had absolutely nothing to do with anything that would take me out of control and upset her peace. - It's gonna be okay. I said, wanting to convince her and myself that this was true. She did not answer. When I realized that that anxiety would only happen when I finally did what had to be done, I unbuckled my seat belt and opened the door. Lauren repeated my movements right away, and it was just then that Scarlet went out into the street through the door that led into the kitchen, holding a newly lit cigarette and turning in the opposite direction we were without seeing us there. She walked carelessly down the sidewalk, striding slowly, swallowing her cigarette and blowing up the smoke distractedly. I filled my lungs with air and courage just to get her attention. Scarlet? I called in a tone she could hear me, and immediately Scarlet turned to see who belonged to the call. When she stared at me, she stopped smoking the cigarette in the middle of the process, and I could even imagine that her expression of complete surprise came simply because she was seeing me there, after so many months without any news of mine. But I knew perfectly well that half of that look of disbelief came from Lauren standing a few feet from me, staring at her as well. The other half was because of the size of my belly, now discreetly visible even under the coat I wore.After a while-which seemed like an eternity-she managed to get back at her, perhaps at the sight of the rest of the smoke that should be expelled burning her lungs. Whatever the case, she decided to speak as well. - Mila ... - Scarlet began, repeating the same path that made between my face, Lauren's face and my belly - Hi! "Hi," I replied, feeling strangely calm. "You ..." She resumed, now only staring at my belly. "Where have you been?" We've been looking for you so much ... "" I'm sorry ... I did not want you to worry ... "I replied, walking towards him and causing the distance between us to diminish. All the way through, her eyes remained frozen in my belly button. It was only when I was already standing directly in front of her that she shifted suddenly. - Oh, shit! She said, staring at me in alarm and throwing away her cigarette, obviously worrying about the smoke near a pregnant woman. I smiled, reminding myself for a moment that I liked her too. - Uh ... Hi, Lauren. I did not hear her answer, but I figured she must have nodded. Scarlet's simple interaction with Lauren had for a moment made me think of odd things. I was now in the role of the pregnant wife, and good or bad, I knew that my girlfriend had already slept with her. With her and with all the girls I'd find inside that house. Of course, at the time, I was in the same position as Scarlet, which would not be so weird to remember if Lauren was not there, a few feet away from us, making that strange moment on many different levels. It was surreal. And uncomfortable. - Mila ... What happened ... How did ... - She stopped, sighing and trying to organize the thoughts, or at least order the questions on a priority list - Are you okay? - I am. I'm sorry I did not report, but my life was a little crazy at the time. "It's ... crazy ..." She started, waiting for a few seconds to get closer to me and speak in a lower tone, as if that was some secret that Lauren could not know - Fuck you, Mila, you're pregnant ! This is insane! - I know. - I smiled involuntarily, which made Scarlet give a muffled laugh too - I wanted to talk to you ... Explain things ... Samantha and Selena are there? "You were lucky. Selena was trying to carry Samantha to the mall a few minutes ago. They have not left yet. - Great. I can enter? I asked, pointing to the door to the kitchen. - Sure, come on. She stepped forward, opening the door for me to enter. Lauren kept following me with every step, very quiet and silent. We entered the large dark kitchen. There was no one there but the three of us. As far as I could tell, the place was quiet, probably because it was Saturday, girls' day off. I had not planned that visit for that, but now I was extremely pleased to have been lucky enough to choose a weekend day.Not that I did not want to meet all the girls and say goodbye to each one of them, but because having to deal with few of them, one way or another, made things easier. And, fortunately, the few who were there were exactly the reason for my visit. "I'll call you both." You know where everything is, you can use whatever you want. Scarlet left the kitchen and left me alone with Lauren. I stared at her, trying for some miracle to understand what she was feeling. It was difficult. Not only because she did not speak, but also because her expression seemed too neutral. As if she was just making a huge effort not to let herself immerse herself in that environment. I thought it best not to speak to him. If she had something to talk about, she would. I pulled one of the chairs from the large center table and sat, waiting for Samantha and Selena. Lauren stood in the darker corner of the kitchen, her hands in her pockets, her gaze frozen on the tiles on the floor. She seemed to want to be present, but not to be noticed. Almost a minute later, the voices of the three began to sound closer. I looked at the door that led to the rest of the house, waiting for them to appear there. Scarlet was the first, being literally pushed through Selena's tiny arms. When she set eyes on me, she stopped abruptly in the same place she was, as if her feet had suddenly been pinned to the ground. This made Samantha, flustered from behind, slam into her and make the beginning of a dirty word form. Which was interrupted when she too squinted into my belly and immediately put her hands to her mouth. And then the scene seemed frozen, except for Scarlet, who contained dry giggles as she stared at them. Selena, Samantha, Lauren and I stood still, perhaps all waiting for the first one who would have the courage to utter the first word in silence. "Hey, can I record the reaction of the next person coming in here and looking at you?" It's so funny! Scarlet said, taking advantage of having already passed the initial surprise. I chuckled, but did not answer, wanting the two petrified figures in front of me to come back to life. - Hi ... - I started, still low, wanting the two eyes to leave my navel and return to my face. Samantha stared at me. Selena remained motionless. "You ..." The first began, slowly lifting her hands from her mouth. "You've become pregnant with a client ..." "I'm not a client. Lauren's voice sounded cold, though polite, in the dark corner of the kitchen, catching Samantha's attention and taking Selena out of her catatonic state. No one had seen her there. It was clear that neither of them knew half of the things that had happened to me at the time. It was clear that they could not imagine that I had stopped whoring. Samantha's thought was a very coherent thought, but that was not enough to keep Lauren from holding back. As he stared at her, her expression gradually turned from complete surprise to anger."It was you ..." She began. - It was me. And I'm not a customer. She continued to stare at her, thinking of the next words to be released. And if I knew Samantha and that look of fury, they were words that would hurt someone. "I'm very surprised you did not run away too when I heard you were going to be a mother." It had hit her, and I knew it only because I knew Lauren well. His expression, however, remained unmoving, as if Samantha had simply cursed her with nonsense. - I would never do that. "Did you decide to stop the coward and accept what you feel?" I began to think that she might be getting heavy, but I well knew that it was the result of a hatred built up by the time I was in that house in deep depression after Lauren abandoned me. Samantha always took my pains very easily, and I remembered the cursing and death threats she uttered at the top of her lungs when she saw me crying on the pillows. I wanted to intervene. But for some reason, I thought it best that they should be resolved. I did not want Samantha to hate Lauren, and I knew that whatever she was going to answer would not hurt her. I was sure she still blamed herself for everything she'd put me through, so at least I agreed with everything Samantha said. "Yes." She answered the question simply and punctually. So simple that she visibly left Samantha, who wanted a reason to continue the discussion, with no response at all. The silence went on again, which was enough for Selena to look at me again as if she were facing a freak. - How many months? She spoke for the first time, filled with curiosity and ignoring Lauren solemnly. - Four. I replied, putting my hand to my belly involuntarily. Selena smiled in a simple way, pulling the nearest chair and seating herself as well. - You know the sex? - Girl. I said, not holding back the smile that formed on my lips. Samantha came to sit on my other side, now ignoring Lauren too, exposing her curiosity and extending her hand timidly, until she pressed my belly over her coat. - She already kicking? - No not yet. "Is it true that humor keeps changing all the time?" - Scarlet decided to enter the conversation, approaching too - They say that pregnant women seem to suffer from bipolarity. - IS. It's a little annoying, actually. I laughed low, making the three of them follow me. Lauren was officially forgotten by then, but for some reason, I figured that was exactly what she wanted. - And are you happy? Selena spoke again, and the three of them stared at me, waiting for the answer. Suddenly, I felt guilty for not giving any satisfaction to the few people who really cared about me. - Very. I said, struggling not to look at Lauren and not make the face of the loose in love she always did - Sorry for the lack of news. My life was a little messy. - We 're seeing. Scarlet said, good-humored. - We've been looking for you a lot. Samantha said, and for some reason I heard a greater hurt in her voice than in the voices of the other two - Where are you now? This time, I could not stop looking at Lauren.As if she finally understood where that was headed, she unclenched herself from the wall and started for the door. - I'll wait in the car. Call me anything. She said, looking at me with affection, and as if demanding too much of her own pride, she raised her head to the three girls who were with me - I'm really sorry. Without another word, Lauren left, leaving us alone. I did not know what to feel at that moment. I wanted her to stay, but I knew Lauren was not only feeling more guilty now than ever, but also that she was being tried by the three girls who kept me company. It was obvious that I could not demand the contrary, but I could not help but feel a strange pity for her. Even though she knew that what she had done was difficult to forget, and deep down it still hurt. - I'm living with her. I said confidently to start that conversation. "At her house. All three eyes widened simultaneously, and that would be very funny if I did not know that I would have to answer a flood of questions. - How is it? Scarlet started. - Did she take you to her house? Selena's eyes sparkled wildly. - Since when? Samantha asked, struggling to keep her mouth shut. I sighed. - Since December. The three of them were silent, still staring at me. For a long time. So I started to talk. "After I left here in November, I went to live where I lived before Chloe found me and brought me here. It's a horrible place, but it came to my head when I realized I had nowhere to live. I got a lucky apartment there, and I kept trying to get my life together. You remember how I was, so I will not detail anything. I spent a month in that state, and when the battery of my cell phone ran out, I kept it forgotten in some corner. All I wanted was to get a job somewhere, but after a day when some son of a bitch decided to recognize me as ... what I was, I think I freaked out. I went back to the street to get back to what I was doing, and that's where I met Lauren ... Or, rather, she found me. Summarizing the story: We stayed together tonight. The next day she took me to her house, and confessed that she had been in love with me all along. And she just ran away because she was an idiot. I won a engagement ring when I went to spend Christmas at her parents' house in London, and I'm moving in the day after tomorrow. Two months ago I discovered that I got pregnant with her the first night we had sex, because I was careless enough to tear the condom off. But she did not mind, because she plans to have two more children after she's married ... "" Damn it, calm down! " Scarlet's voice came out squeakily, and I could not contain my laughter. Okay, maybe I was doing it on purpose. I waited, but no one else said anything. I wondered if they were waiting for some explanation from me, though I did not know exactly what to explain. "When you arrived with that belly in here ..." Selena started abruptly, scaring me a little. "I thought it was an accident at work. I thought you had been careless with a client. I imagined that Lauren would take over the child and pay her expenses, but nothing more. I looked at Samantha and Scarlet, who stared at me with the same eyes as Selena. "That's not it, is it?" You're not a program girl anymore. She is not a customer. She's your girlfriend. Scarlet said, before I could finish Selena's sentence myself. I said yes with the head. Almost as if they had rehearsed, the three sighed together. "Oh, my God ..." Scarlet began in a voice that still squeaked. Selena literally bounced in the chair, and Samantha took my left hand. - I knew! I knew she liked you! I always knew! "Everyone knew, Selena. Samantha said, trying to keep her cool, although her eyes also shone. "Well ... I did not know. - I said, a little bland. "But you've always been kind of slow." Scarlet replied, now with a smile from ear to ear. - Thanks. - Said, a little ironic, but I do not really care about your sincerity - I just came here to thank you for everything. And I'm sorry for not reporting.And I'm sorry I did not hear from you. And to say that I am well ... - Well I am! - Selena interrupted me - You're in some kind of fairy tale! I did not answer. It was quite true, experiencing my own fairy tale was priceless. It was an inexplicable sensation. - And how it is? - Samantha brought me back to that reality - What is it like to be in love and be reciprocated? I looked at her and realized how sad that question sounded. I knew what it was like to be in their position: We were objects. I had already been one, devoid of any good feeling. No one cultivated any kind of affection for us because we were prostitutes and we were there for one thing only. We were easily replaced, and this gave us the feeling that our importance was zero. Being in love and being reciprocated was just the opposite of all that. And I had an absurd luck in being in that position. "It's, honestly, the best feeling in the world." If they were sad, they did not show it. I wondered how the three of them could be happy for me without realizing that their own lives were empty, just as mine was one day. Samantha touched my belly again, perhaps unconsciously. "I hope, from the bottom of my heart, that you are very happy. She spoke, and suddenly I felt an almost uncontrollable urge to cry. "Can I be envious of you?" Selena asked in a completely innocent tone, and I laughed. She could be envious of me. In her position, I would have. "Life here was never for you, anyway," Scarlet began. "If there was anyone who had to get out of it, it was you." London will do you good. Like a flood, heavy, heavy tears began to stream down my face. Okay, I could put the blame on the pregnancy hormones later. - I will miss you. I said, already hugging Samantha and Selena so hard it was probably hurting them. They began to cry too, but Scarlet remained firm and strong. I refuse to cry about it. - She said smiling, as she hugged me - And if we are not going to see you, at least we know you'll be fine. That's all that matters. She was right, but still, I could not help but feel myself being separated from them. Not that I had been in contact during those last few months, but moving so far, a possible reunion would be much more difficult to exist. That trip would help bury more of the shit from my past, but it was sad to know that the little good that existed in it would be buried together as well. - Mila? I turned to the door that led to the rest of the house, from which came the voice that called to me. Chloe looked at me with the same expression as the girls when they first saw me. His eyes were frozen in my belly. I wiped away my tears so I could see her better. - Hi, Chloe. She continued to study the volume in my belly, as if seeking some explanation for it. After some time processing that information and perhaps understanding what it was about, she met my eyes. "She found you, did not she?" It took me a while before answering. I wanted to understand what that question meant. If my assumptions were right, Lauren had gone to Chloe to find me. And she had never told me that, perhaps because I had never asked myself how she had found me. - Yes where? - In the same place you found me. She sighed, looking calm. "I've seen other cases with the same story. None of them ended well. I have to confess that I'm glad your case was different. Especially because I was able to help in some way. I looked at her curiously, but I did not have to ask. Chloe was quick.- She came here. I do not know how long it was until I met you, but I was a bit desperate to find you. I gave her the address and, after that day, I never saw her again. I kept staring at her, thinking of what to say. Chloe did not have to help Lauren. She had not gained anything from it, though she had not lost either. But it would cost nothing to tell her that she just did not know where I was, even though it was the truth. But she wanted Lauren to find me. "Thank you, Chloe. I said, genuinely grateful to her. Not only for that, but for giving me time when I asked. For having understood me, even if I did not have to, and for somehow having cared for me. "Do not thank me." What happened to you is exactly what I wanted to have happened to me. I felt compelled to help, and I'm sure anyone would do the same, because anyone here would like to be in their place now. The best you have to do, like gratitude, is to take the chance you had and be happy. I knew she was right. He knew that this was not the perfect life for anyone there, though they all pretended to be, day after day. I knew that I had been fortunate that those girls did not have and wanted so much, and I knew that even out of obligation, I had to make my chance worth it. But that would not be difficult. - Thanks for everything. I repeated, already too emotional to keep my face dry. "I think I owe a good part of my life to you." "Sooner or later you'd meet again." I just gave her a shortcut. She said, winking at me, and maybe for the first time I saw Chloe really smiling. That meeting had not been easy. But it was not, by far, as difficult as I thought it would be. It had been that way at the time I met Lauren's family, and it had been that way then. Maybe I had the habit of overestimating everything that happened around me. - It's all right? "I heard her voice asking me that for the third time in less than five minutes, since I'd left The Hills and found her waiting for me, leaning against the car. - Do not worry. I'm lighter. I had to do this. She knew that, but she was still worried that that meeting might have affected my nerves somehow. Which was kind of funny, since the most shaken person there was, obviously, Lauren. - Is that you? It's ok? I asked, wanting to show her that I had noticed her discomfort. She sighed, pressing her fingers against the steering wheel as she drove and faced the street again. "I just do not like that place." I knew that. He even knew it was complicated until he tried to explain the reason behind the unpleasant weather. - I know. That was the last time we went there, anyway. "Is that all right?" She insisted. - I said yes, Lo. My voice was impatient. I imagined she was insisting just because I could not stop crying. "Okay. We did not talk any more on the way home." I was a bit sad, but I was at peace. Now there were no more hangings that bound me to that place, or even to that country. I could go now, without my conscience being tortured by what I had to do. But it was hard to say goodbye to the only friends I had. After them, the only person I'd ever approached was Ally, and she'd be there as well. A strange loneliness was taking me slowly, and there was no need to say a single word for Lauren to notice. So for the rest of that day and the other, she struggled to distract me, even letting me help her with the boxes of change (but never let me take anything heavier than a pillow). He talked to me most of the time, enumerating the various good things London had. She treated me like a queen, even more than before, though I did not think it was possible. Without my noticing, my last hours in America had passed. ***
