Pov Camila I spent all day lying down. I would get up to go to the bathroom often, and occasionally tweak something that Lauren had prepared during the week and stayed in the refrigerator. I chose a random book in the library and began to read it, but the third time I did doze off, I gave up reading. The hours passed. My unease is not. Still, I did not vomit, and I was excited by this little feat. I was almost asleep again when I was taken by surprise by the sound of the bell. After spending a few seconds wondering whether or not to get someone in the house that was not mine, I decided to get up and see who it was. I answered the door and ran into Ally. It was exactly 4 pm, and I knew she should be at work. But he also knew why she was not. "Lauren is very desperate at times. I started, not even greeting her. "She almost had three very important people go to hell today so she could get out of there and see how you were." So I set out to take her place. She started, entering and closing the door behind her. I did not need to invite her, Ally was already home. Long before me even. "Why is she so exaggerated?" I asked, but that had been almost a rhetorical question. - Because she's Lauren. - She replied, sitting on the sofa - But come on: How are you? "Well ... A little strange, but well. - Define "strange." I sighed. Maybe for her I could really tell what was happening to me. I knew that if I asked Ally to omit certain things from Lauren, she would. "I've been feeling strange for some time. But today I woke up ill. I do not know, I think I have some gastric problem. Sometimes I can not put anything in my mouth without being sick, and sometimes I feel an inhuman hunger. And I'm a little irritated too ... With migraines, back pain ... I think I'm getting stressed. I looked at Ally, who was looking at me with a neutral expression. Immediately I felt stupid to say that I might be suffering from some stress, since, frankly, my life was too good for me to be stressed in any way. I kept talking, just to try to feel less stupid myself. "Either that or else my PMS decided to go on ... For a brief but considerable moment, all she did was look at me in a weird way. I was about to ask if it was all right, when Ally came back to herself and spoke. "I think you should see a doctor." I was worried. I almost never saw her agreeing with Lauren. That should not be a good sign."You think it's something serious?" I asked, already a little nervous. She seemed to measure the words before she spoke. - I would not say "serious." But maybe it's important. Right. Now I was officially scared. "All right ..." I managed to respond, trying to contain the slight panic that was beginning to creep into me. "I'll mark it one day ..." "Let's go today. She interrupted me, but then she tried to calm me down (because I had made a face of despair and knew it), explaining - You already missed work today, and I'm already here. I'll keep you company. It might have seemed like a simple act of camaraderie. But it was not. Ally did not want to stay with me that afternoon just to find my company pleasant. She was worried, and that was clear. Without thinking much, I dressed the first warm clothes I found and left with Ally. She led me to her car, parked on the pavement a few feet away from Lauren's building. "Are you going to tell her we're going to the doctor?" I asked, already putting on the seat belt. "No. It's better for everyone to omit this for now. I agreed. She knew Lauren well enough to say that if we told her where we were going, twenty minutes later she would be in the same place. When we got to a clinic not far from there, Ally sat me down and went and talked to the receptionist. I began to get annoyed at being treated like a child. When she came back, she told me that I would see a general practitioner in a few minutes. - General practitioner? "Maybe that's not the case for a gastroenterologist." - She answered, but again she hastened to calm me down - But I'm just kicking. It can be a multitude of things, I'm just trying to cover all the possibilities. She was lying. That was not a kick. Ally might not know exactly what it was, but she suspected something she did not want to tell me. And this whole mystery only made me grow more and more nervous. We went into one of the doctor's offices and faced a chubby, short, bearded doctor. He seemed to be very nice and pleasant, but I would only give some credit to his apparent kindness after hearing from him that what I had was not serious. At the moment, I was very anxious to be nice to him as well. "And then, Camila. What is the problem? He asked me smiling, and I answered the truth. I gave the full picture of everything I was feeling, how long I had felt, and what I did to improve. This time, I did not omit any details. Ally stood behind me, and I noticed that every now and then Dr. Collin (as she put it on her badge) glared at her, and within ten seconds she turned her attention back to me. So I made sure they were keeping some kind of communication out of my eyes. "Let's do some exams, then." Are you afraid of a needle? It all started with a blood test. But it was all right, because first I was not afraid of needles, and second, Dr. Collin's reaction made me relax: He was still nice and calm, and for my own sake I forced myself to think that if he found that it was something serious, I would not continue to delude myself with that pleasant smile. The exam was done, and the wait was long: More for my nervousness than for the time itself, since all I had to wait for was thirty (long) minutes. Ally's phone rang a few times, but she simply stared at the screen and did not answer. - It's her? I asked, sitting next to her in the waiting room."Then I'd better keep ignoring you." She was right, but I could not help thinking that this was mean to Lauren. She must have been so nervous that she would probably scream at Ally for the unanswered phone calls, and so would she, with forgetting her cell phone in the apartment. I began to be anxious for the future scolding as well, and again I had to hold back the urge to cry - for something that had not yet happened. "Is there much left?" I asked as a child, wanting to leave as quickly as possible. - A few more minutes. I was impatient. Impatient and afraid. At the same time that he wanted to see the result, he did not want to know about the disease, whatever it was. Ally began to talk to me about banalities, and I responded mechanically. She asked about my job and if I was excited to move, but I had the feeling that this was all being done because she herself wanted to fill the time with something so that it would pass faster too. She looked a little tense herself. "What do you think it is?" I asked. - Do not know. She replied, looking at her hands. "But I do not think it's a bad thing." "Any disease is bad. I rebuffed without thinking. She did not answer. How long had it been? Two days? - I can not take it anymore! I'm about to take a tranquilizer ... "" I really was. My nerves were killing me - Are there any there? "No. Have you taken too much medication these days?" She asked, almost innocently. I do not take medicine, only in extreme situations. I confessed. "But did you take some during, say ... this past month?" For nausea, pain or mood enhancement? She seemed more relieved. Ally and her aura of mystery were starting to get on my nerves as well. Her cell phone rang again, and again she did not answer. - Karla Camila Cabello.- The nurse said, and then we both got up and walked to her - Room 302, Dr. Collin is already waiting. We walked down the corridor in silence. It was a long corridor and it smelled of medicine. I was starting to get sick again. "Am I going to have to operate something?" - I asked without thinking, breaking the uncomfortable silence - I'm going to ruin the trip to London ... - Do not worry about it. If you have to do any operations, I do not think it will be for now. - As well? Operations are not made as soon as possible? "Well, in some cases ..." She started, but did not finish the thought because the next moment we entered the doctor's office. - Hello again, ladies. Dr. Collin spoke with a sweet, sincere smile. I felt automatically quieter. This time, Ally sat next to me, and I had the impression that she had done it in case I had to hold myself. "Hello." I hurried to answer, sitting on the edge of the chair. "And then?" It's just stupid stress or something, is not it? "Well ... no," he answered categorically. - You are not sick. Were not you sick? - And then? I asked again, and Ally pushed me back, causing me to lean back in the chair. It was clear she knew what I was about to hear. But I had no idea. So for a long time the words that followed were the last things I remember hearing, echoing inside my head as if they wanted to convince me of the facts. - It is not obvious? He smiled. "You're pregnant." He kept staring at the doctor's fat, kind face. What was his name? Well, it did not matter. Nothing mattered. Because I was pregnant. "It was what I imagined. That seemed to be Ally's voice. Ah yes. Ally. She was at my side. But it did not matter. Because I was pregnant. - Mila? Her voice sounded next to me again. As far as I remembered, that was my name. Should I respond? She was calling me. But what did it matter? I cleared my throat gently, just to do something other than breathe. It seemed to be the easiest thing to do. I tried to reason, but obviously I could not.Still, I was able to utter the only response my brain had managed to formulate, in a voice so frighteningly calm that it only made the size of my despair clearer. - This is impossible. Perhaps this was an obvious proof that I doubted Dr. Collin's medical knowledge. Maybe he was angry with me, but I did not exactly care. Even so, he did not seem to be shaken by my disbelief, and his smile remained sincere. - Oh no. It is not. I'm not saying you might be pregnant. I'm telling you you are. I breathed in. And I exhaled. And I inhaled again. "Is not there the possibility of being something else?" I asked, calmly and slowly. - No. What you just did was, besides other things, the Beta hCG exam. It tells you whether or not you are pregnant, and what stage of your pregnancy, by measuring the amount of the hCG hormone in your body. His result was undoubtedly positive. "The result of this examination-" I began, with my eyes closed. "Have you found that I have this hormone?" "You see, hCG is produced not only in pregnancy ..." "Then I may not be pregnant!" I interrupted him without the least education, desperate to cling to that little piece of argument. He looked at me patiently and smiled even more, as if I had some mental retardation. - The reference value of the hormone in non-pregnant women is less than 25 mIU / mL. It gave approximately 17,000 mIU / mL. I stared at him like an imbecile. I tried to think of something that would serve as an argument, but reasoning seemed very difficult. "Is not it obvious? You're pregnant." " You're pregnant." "Pregnant." - Mila? Ally called again. Again, I did not answer. - Doctor? - I called. - May I help? - He replied, smiling. - This is impossible. I finished, hoping he'd send me to hell at any moment. "Why do you think it's impossible?" He asked, still very pleasant. - Because I take contraceptives. I answered with a triumphant look. - Since when? "Ever since," I wanted to respond. But on second thought, that was not the right answer. I had always taken birth control pills. It was necessary in my old "profession." But I clearly remember that I stopped using them so I decided to get rid of the image of a prostitute after Lauren left. - I always did. I stopped the medication for a while, but then I took it again. - And during this time without the pills, did you have sex without the use of a condom? "No. I did not have sex with anyone in that period. I answered categorically, wishing more than anything they believed in me. Ally mainly. "And you did not forget to take the pill someday, after you resumed your relationship?" I did not have to force myself to remember the one day I had, in fact, forgotten to take the pill: Just the first day I decided to go back with my contraceptives. Which was exactly the day Lauren had met me again. I would start a new carton exactly at that time. But circumstances obviously distracted me and made me completely forget about it. I remembered it only a day later, only then starting the card. But still ... "" The day I met Lauren again. "I started, as if Dr. Collin knew who Lauren was." My girlfriend is intersexual, and I forgot to take it. It would be the first day of the card ... But we use a condom! "And they continued to use it in later relationships?" "No ... We fucked without a condom on the second or third day of the pack. I said, already regretting my answer, and rushing to add - But she jumped off! Do you think it was there ...? The chances are remote. You said that you had been accustomed to using pills for some time, so I guess from the moment you restarted with the first pill, you were already under the influence of contraception.."So ..." I started, wanting some answer. "So I guess there's some detail you're forgetting." Some breakthrough. What I can guarantee at the moment is this: You are pregnant. To hear it again made my heart beat again. But this time, maybe because now my brain had gone back to work, those words did not hurt me. It was not hopeless. It was just amazing. I felt something inside me. Something good. As if an unknown energy had plunged into my body and given me a sense of hope. A feeling that, even scaring me, made me happy. Instinctively, I brought my left hand up to my belly, obviously still very smooth by the poor stage of pregnancy. I looked at her as if waiting for an impending fright. "I do not know why you're so nervous," I heard him say, "I'm sure your girlfriend will love the news." "How long ..." I began, still staring weakly at my stomach. "It's only possible to know the right gestation time with an ultrasound." But by the levels of the hormone in your blood, I estimate it to be around the eighth or ninth week. "That gives you two full months. "Ally?" Mila did not miss her period. "I do not menstruate. - I answered mechanically - I put one card in the other, I do not have bleeding due to deprivation. And I thought of that answer that a growing panic took over me. - Oh my God ... I took contraceptives pregnant! - Calm. "I heard Dr. Collin's voice trying to calm me down." There was no telling. "But it will hurt the baby!" I argued, a little desperate. - Will not. You are in early pregnancy, the fetus will not be harmed. Just stop the pills now that you know you're going to be a mother. "I drank too ..." I started to remember all the shit I had done, and I felt the pressure in my head increase. - How much? - He asked. "Three glasses of wine in New Year's Eve." I looked at Ally for no reason. "And a glass on another night ..." "Do you drink?" - Not! I hastened to answer. "That was all I drank. - It's all right. As long as you also do not drink any more from now on. Do you smoke or use any type of drugs? - No. - Great. Do not self-medicate, some substances may harm the fetus. The first thing you should do now is look for an obstetrician. He will guide you better. And do not worry, your baby is not at risk. My baby is not at risk. I repeated to myself. "My baby. I'm Pregnant. "Any further questions, Camila?" I heard the doctor's good voice draw me out of my reverie. - Yes ... That door is the bathroom? I hoped it would, because I did not wait for his answer. I ran there and managed to reach the toilet before vomiting on the tile on the floor. Ally came to help me, holding my forehead gently. I did not throw up much, even though I had eaten very little."I hope this is not nervousness." She concluded, helping me up, and making it clear that I knew it was because of my emotional state. "How am I going to tell her?" - I asked, unable to hide the fear - We only stopped using condoms because I gave her the certainty that she used those shit pills ... - Calm. - Ally interrupted me - What do you think, that she will blame you? Lauren is not an idiot. It was not a question of being an idiot. It was a question of trust. She had trusted me, she was sure she would not have been a mother by accident. How would I explain that to her? What if I did not even understand what had happened? I left the medical center with Dr. Collin's "good gestation" votes. I felt the plug slowly fall, as if it were something impossible to accept at once. A pregnancy was not in anyone's plans: On the contrary, it was being avoided. So I could not let go of my anxiety all the way back to Lauren's apartment. - Okay, I have to talk. Sorry, I did not want to bring this up ... I turned to her for the first time, caught by surprise in Ally's voice. The journey had been silent up to that point. I was still digesting the information, desperately trying to come up with some plan for when Lauren came with questions like "Where have you been all afternoon?" And, after the answer, something like, "And, what was the diagnosis?" - What is it? I replied, trying to organize the ideas. What Ally said was almost always important, but at that moment I could not give a damn about anything. Nothing that was not related to the tiny thing that was forming inside me. "I'm sorry ..." she repeated, trying to keep her eyes on the street ahead of us. "I know it's none of my business, I know I do not have to get into the life you and Lauren take ... But it's about the son of you ... Our son. Mine and Lauren. Our. "And I know it's unpleasant to bring back some things ..." Ally resumed. "But you have to make sure that ... Well, there's nothing." You know ... Women like you ... You used to, of course ... You may have some illness ... And the baby ... It was the first time I saw Ally stutter. Still, I did not let myself be disturbed by that memory. She was not important enough for that. I was pregnant, and very few things besides really mattered. And while it was undeniable that "getting in" was exactly what she was doing, I still understood her. It was clear that Ally was right: Some illness could make the fetus take risks. - I'm clean. I spoke in a low tone, turning to the hitch-hatch window and looking at the trees behind me. The last one was done after Lauren left. And after that happened, I was not with anyone. From what I could see from my peripheral vision, she stared at me with interest as she waited for the signal to open. I did not care. "Sorry," she said. - It's all right. I dont care. And I did not really care. Simply because nothing was important enough. I was pregnant. Da Lauren. "Why are you smiling?" "I heard Ally ask, again setting the car in motion. - You're welcome. I replied, trying to push away the image that formed in my head from a cute, rosy, smiling baby, laughing as Lauren kissed her tiny belly between fluffy pillows. In my thoughts, she seemed happy with the novelty.In my thoughts, she would hug me and say that she loved me. And I would say that son was the best thing I could have given her. In my thoughts, everything would be perfect. But things did not always happen according to my thoughts. - We're here. Ally's voice brought me to reality again. We were parked on the sidewalk a few yards from Lauren's building. I looked around and noticed that she was watching me. - Oh thanks. I said, not even knowing what I was thanking. I jumped out of the car with her in pursuit, the two of us running into the building in an attempt to escape the cold wind that the twilight brought. The small trip to the apartment was silent. Ally seemed to want to give me some space, letting me speak first if I wanted to. And I did not know if I wanted to continue in silence, giving myself the freedom to continue to make random pictures of Lauren with the baby, or if I wanted to talk about it, forcing myself to return to reality and discuss what I should or should not expect from that subject . I chose silence, at least until I took a shower and cooled my head a bit. Millions of thoughts bubbled through me-doubts, fears and joys among them-but I knew that sooner or later I would have to regain control. I passed the information slowly under the shower, talking aloud to myself in an attempt to better absorb the truth. I was pregnant. Da Lauren. My son was safe. I was pregnant. Da Lauren. I was pregnant. I was pregnant. I rested my hands on my belly again, feeling the warm water drain through her. I looked weakly at the place, feeling more joy than a normal person would feel when staring at a piece of skin. I was pregnant. It was scary. That was wonderful. When I realized it, I was already crying. I tried to contain the tears bravely, because I knew that any strong emotion could reflect on my baby. And I would not jeopardize my baby. Never. The tears were diminishing. Along with them, also diminished the accelerated beats of my heart. I took a deep breath repeatedly, searching for the lost control unintentionally. I was pregnant. There was someone inside me. Someone very important. Someone who was mine, and who carried some of Lauren, too. Someone who united us both, proof that I belonged to her. Proof that she was mine too. I was pregnant. And I was accepting the fact that I was happier by the minute. - Mila? It's all right? Ally's voice persisted in pulling me into reality. - Yes ... I'm leaving! I managed to respond, trying to deal with the happiness that inflated my chest like a gas balloon. It was strange, and at the same time delicious. "Scream if you need anything!" I wiped away anyway, not paying attention to much. I wore the sweater set I'd left on the hook behind the door and stepped out, feeling strangely like a time bomb. "Are you feeling anything?" - She asked. I shook my head, going to lie down between the cushions and the comforter arranged by Ally. She came and sat by my side. "Well ..." She started. "Good," I said, just to make a sound. She stared at me for some time, probably thinking about how the conversation would begin."So you're pregnant." I felt a slight shiver run down my spine at the sound of those syllables again, but I did not shudder. It was a good shiver, and her words almost made me smile. "I-" "How did you not notice it before?" - I do not know. Probably for being impossible. "The symptoms are pretty obvious." She smiled, genuinely amused by that. "I do not know how Lauren did not notice. She is very observant. Lauren. She had not noticed. But it was time she knew what I knew. "I do not know if I should tell her-" I began, thinking for the first time that the news might not be received in the positive way my imagination illustrated. Ally looked at me as if I had said something absurd. - As well? She has to know! - Her reaction ... - Whatever she has to know! She is the mother. You did not do it alone. Lauren is the mother. Of my son. "Ally she trusted me when I said it would not happen ..." Accidents happen. If you have not forgotten to take any pills, then it was something else. Something you have to find out together. "But ..." I started, but I shut up when I thought I saw Ally's patience subside. "What are you afraid of anyway?" She asked, genuinely confused. She did not know, but I was afraid of many things. Lauren might feel cheated. Could she think I'd done it on purpose, just to make sure she would not let me? Could she think this was some kind of bang for the sake of interest? Or worse, to think that I was already pregnant before I met her? Could she ask me not to have that child? Our son? - Are you alright? Ally asked me again, but this time, my line of reasoning was not interrupted. I was not well. Why were you having those absurd doubts? Why was I letting such an old insecurity come back with such force in such a moment of my life? Lauren and I worked on this for a while, I should not make that slip. Why was I thinking about that? She loved me. It made that clear almost every day, even with my multiple personalities because of pregnancy. And even if it was a pregnancy that she did not know, and even if that had not been planned ... She would never, ever react that way. She was not like that. I knew her. Ally materialized in front of me, offering me a glass of water. - You are not well. Take that. I accepted the offer and drank the water at once. She was staring at me as if she were staring at a ... oddly pregnant girl. I could not verbalize those fears to her. I would be embarrassed to even consider those possibilities out loud. Especially for Ally. "I do not know what you have in mind, but from what I know of Lauren-which is no small thing-I can tell you this ..." And then her cell phone rang again. And whatever she was going to tell me would be for another time. - All yours. She said, holding out the device. - What? - I react scared - It's your phone! She wants to talk to you! "She wants to talk about you." And I'm sure that with you she will not be a troglodyte. I looked at her, still afraid. "She was never a troglodyte ..." I began, but I was interrupted by a victory smile on her face. I stared at the phone, watching her name blink on the screen insistently. I acted on impulse, grabbing the cell phone from his hands and sliding the virtual lock to answer the call. I heard Lauren screaming before I could say anything. "TWENTY-EIGHT CONNECTIONS, ALLYSON! DAMN! WHERE DID YOU CARE? "Lo ..." I tried to interrupt her in a timid voice, but she was too damn foolish to remember that this should be a dialogue. - WHAT ARE YOU HIDING? WHERE IS CAMZ? BITCH THAT ... - Lauren! - I spoke louder. - Hello? Camz? She replied, a bit confused, trying now to make her voice go back to a civilized tone. "Hi, love. I thought it was Ally. Why did not you pick up your cell phone? I was worried ... Are you okay?- I am fine. Excuse. I forgot my phone at home. She was silent for a few seconds. - You forgot "at home"? Are not you at home? Shit. - I'm ... Now. I replied, remembering that I lied so badly that it was not worth trying to invent something at the last minute. It would only make things worse. - You left? "Yeah ... I just said one last word. Ally went with me ... More silence. This one a little longer. "Where did you go?" - Where did we go? I repeated the question, looking at Ally in the hope that she would whisper any lie to me. At least until Lauren came home and I decided to tell the truth - or parts of it. But Ally kept staring at me with those calm black-almost-brown eyes, and then I understood she would not help me. - IS. To where? She insisted. "We went to the doctor ..." "You're worse!" I knew it! What happened? What's wrong with you? I knew it was going to happen! - Lauren? - I'm coming home, do not leave this apartment! Do not get out of bed! I should not have gone to work! "Are you coming?" I froze, staring at Ally in a panic. She looked as calm as before. - I am! Do not let Ally leave before I arrive! I do not want you alone! SHIT! I heard a loud horn and some profanity from the depths of her lungs. "Can you calm down?" - I asked, now worried - Driving in that state ... - I'm calm! - She said, almost shouting - Are you well? - I already said yes. Please calm down. "I'll calm down when I get home." See you. I love you. And he hung up. I looked at Ally not knowing what to say. - Do not worry. She's a great driver even when she's nervous. - I think she wants to kill you. I said, not paying much attention. She smiled, completely unconcerned. "That happens from time to time. I handed her my cell phone and leaned against the headboard. The situation was already delicate in its essence. The fact that Lauren was so nervous only made my anxiety much worse. "Well ..." She broke the silence. "First of all, we need to get in touch with your gynecologist ..." I stared at her a little annoyed. I did not want to get in touch with my old gynecologist. He reminded me of things I did not like, since he was the doctor of the other girls besides me. "Can not you give me a new one?" I asked, trying to push away those memories. - Clear. My gynecologist is very good ... - Great. "I concluded too quickly. She stared at me and I was sure Ally understood something. - And an obstetrician. She hurried to speak, wanting to close the subject. "The obstetrician who accompanied my two pregnancies is also excellent. I'll leave the phones with Lauren. - Thanks. I said, looking into her eyes and already feeling a twinge of emotion surfacing in me - For everything. "You're welcome." She replied simply, smiling pleasantly. "You're going to tell her, are not you?" I considered the question for a moment, wondering what would be the best thing to do. I came to the conclusion that it was no use: She would have to know, at one time or another. So, the sooner this happened, the better. - I'm ... - Right. You want to do it alone or ... "" No! - Stop it. - Stay here, please. She nodded. Ally knew she had to stay, simply because only she knew how to deal with Lauren in those conditions.I had never seen her so nervous, but I was sure that Ally was already used to seeing her and dealing with her that way. We started a conversation about pregnancy. I thanked Ally for sharing her experience of two pregnancies, giving advice and informing me of all that was inadvisable to do. And every time she said something like "your baby," my hand flew mechanically to her belly and caressed the place absentmindedly. And then I heard the sound of impatient keys in the door-lock. My heart skipped a beat. - Do not worry. Ally tried to calm me down. "Anything I can put a wrench on." She smiled as she said those words, but at no moment did I doubt that she might even be able to do that. - Love! Lauren entered the room, already taking off her overcoat and running toward me. She passed Ally without saying a single word and went to sit beside me, giving me a kiss on the cheek. - I am fine. I spoke in an attempt to reassure her as she laid her hand on my neck and forehead to make sure I had no fever. - What's wrong with you? She asked, and I felt sorry for her for the state of her nerves. If the mere idea of a disease made Lauren act that way, what would happen when she knew the truth? Should I answer her question? "What do I have? A baby." "Calm down," I began, clearing my throat. "I'm not sick. - Not? So what were you feeling going on? I looked at Ally, a little desperate. She made a move that told me to go on, and seeing her there calmed me down a bit. - Did not pass. "I said," I do not think it's going to happen before about seven months. " She looked at me with an expression that I only remembered seeing in my mother when I had pneumonia when I was six. It was an expression of worry so intense that I knew she was suffering. So even if all the anxiety in the world was pounding against my chest at that moment, I took a deep breath and took the courage to speak what she had to hear. Not even to end that torture. - I'm Pregnant. Pov Lauren I threw my cell phone on the mattress and returned to my catatonic state. Camila was looking back at me, her eyes and nose red with tears. Instinctively, I looked at her belly, which was hidden by the fluffy sweater coat, but which I knew was still perfectly smooth. She noticed, and for some reason - or maybe acting on instinct too - put her hand on her belly. "You're ... Pregnant ..." I reached out and touched a place very close to where her hand was. That was not a question, but it also did not sound like a statement.It was nothing in particular: Just me, trying to be fully aware of the facts. As if to speak aloud had some effect. "I'm ..." She answered in a very low voice, almost ashamed. Yes, she was pregnant. Of my son. Our son. I patted the fabric of my coat gently, with an irrational fear of using too much force there. - How long ... - Two months. She said, her voice a little safer. Two months. I had been a mother for two months. I sat closer to her. I had the impression of seeing Camila back a little, but it must have been just an impression. I looked at his eyes again, and instantly there came into my head the image of a perfect baby with those same chocolate eyes. I think he smiles. "I do not know how it happened ..." Camila began, and immediately after hearing that, I was suddenly overwhelmed by the memory of a detail forgotten for some time. - I know. I spoke quietly, simply by speaking. Camilla and Ally-whose presence I often forgot-looked at me in alarm. I looked back at them, while my thoughts returned a little in time, confirming the exact two months of Camila's pregnancy. - The first night we stayed together ... - We use a condom. She interrupted me, seeming to want her counter-argument to be enough. "I know ..." I continued. "But that night ... It was you who opened the condom package. Camila continued to stare at me as if imploring me to develop my line of reasoning. "And what about that?" - She asked. "You were shaking a little ... I could not tear the plastic ..." "And?" "This time it was Ally who spoke, using the tone she used to use when she wanted to physically assault me. "And" "I ..." I started again, looking at Camila again. "You ripped the package with your teeth. They were silent, processing the information, still staring at me. After awhile, Ally understood, but Camila was still silent, now, her gaze unfocused. As I was not sure if she had come to the conclusion that I wanted her to arrive, I decided to end my argument in such a homogeneous and calm tone of voice that it made me look like someone with strong painkillers. "You must have bitten the condom and punctured the rubber." When I went to throw in the trash, I noticed that it was dripping, but in the heat of the moment, I did not care. She kept staring at me with no reaction. I waited, caressing the sweatband at the height of my belly, now allowing me to really push and pull against her body. My son was there. Our son. "I've been pregnant since day one ... Since the first day we've been together?" "I guess so ..." I managed to respond, pulling the cloth up a bit and touching her skin now, too distracted to pay attention to anything else. "So ..." she said, so suddenly I was frightened - it was really my fault ... Guilt? No one was to blame for anything, because "guilt" was a term used in situations where something bad was in question. And the only thing in question, at that moment, was my son. Our son. "Guilt" did not fit into that conversation at all.- Lauren? "I heard Ally call me, but I did not turn. I seemed mesmerized by that belly. "Yes," I replied, not moving. - Are you alright? "Well" was a bit vague. I was not well." Well, "I did not say everything I felt, I did not say everything that was inside me, it was a very simple word, very poor to describe my condition at that moment, I was not" well. "I was in shock, in ecstasy. the whirlwind of things in my chest, trying to hold back the cry, trying to hold back the tears.I was trying to stay calm, trying to catch my breath and my legs moving.I was trying to regain control of the beating of my heart. As a perfect psychopath, I seemed even to that character of "Dark Paradise" plotting his more detailed plans.the room plunged into silence again.I wanted to look up and face Camila but not We were so close now that I could lay my forehead on her shoulder, but still I did not look away from her belly. feel you something. Still, the simple feeling of being as close as possible to that child was good for me. - Great. I'll leave you alone then. Do not worry, I know where the exit is. - Ally ... Thank you for everything. Same. I heard Camila speak. "Do not be silly, I did not do anything. I'll call you tomorrow to exchange some information. - Ok ... And sorry to make you stay ... - See you ... I heard that little dialogue, but I did not process any words. I was not really paying attention. Perhaps more had been said between one answer and another, but I could not tell. I did not care. The room was silent again. For a long time. I experienced that feeling of peace as I passed through my head, for the hundredth time, the phrase that had made me stay in that state. " I'm Pregnant." Camila was pregnant. Of my son. - I think it's a girl. Her voice broke the silence, and for some reason it woke me up. I stared at her, unable to do anything-perhaps hoping she would tell me how to act-quietly asking why she thought that. - Intuition. She answered my thought, and smiled shyly, almost guiltily. I admired that smile for a while, without saying a word. I was drawn to those eyes like some kind of magnet, already feeling completely delivered to them. Suddenly I understood that the woman in front of me was, without a shadow of a doubt, the woman of my life. Not that it had never hit me full, but at that moment I would die for that truth. She was the most important person in my life. She would give me a son. I smiled back, leaning my forehead against hers and feeling my throat tighten. He wanted to say something, anything, but the words looked like plaster. Suddenly-not because I did not expect it, but because it seemed to be too fast-two tears fell from my eyes. Camila hurried to clean the two, but it would not be that easy. It was not a moment of runaway momentum. It was a genuine emotion, an emotion so strong that my chest seemed about to explode. And then all I needed was a few seconds until I was literally sobbing, crying compulsively like a child in her arms. I hugged her delicately, with a stupid fear of tightening her body.I buried my face in her neck and let the tears flow, without the slightest intention of stopping them. Her small arms wrapped around me like a mother hugs a grown daughter, cradling me and trying to calm me down. For a second, I feared I was frightening her with my lack of control, but there was absolutely nothing I could do. I would be a mother. Thanks to her. - I love you. I managed to speak against her hair, fighting the sobbing and sobbing that interrupted me on almost every syllable. "Thank you for making me feel a joy I never imagined I could feel. Thank you for coming back to my life and marking it that way. I love you ... "I kissed her neck softly, wanting only to feel her skin against my lips. Her fingers curled into the strands of my hair as she always did, and that was enough to make me smile even in the midst of tears. Because I knew she would. Because I knew her. Because she was mine, and had given me the chance to be her the same way. "I love you too," she whispered in my ear, and I felt my throat tighten again. I could love her even more. Now double. From that moment, not only knowing that my whole life depended on her, but also on the child that was there. And then, suddenly, Camila became something so absurdly precious that I felt vulnerable. Absolutely NOTHING could happen to her. No way. Under no circumstances. Not by simply carrying my son, but because she had become irreversibly and irreversibly the person who had the strongest role in my life. She was the mother of my son. That was huge. She was mine. She would give me a baby, and as much as I repeated those truths in my head exhaustively, they did not lose their value. I frowned against his neck, trying to get back to normal. I stood for a while, still hugging Camila gently. Just being able to stop shaking made me feel better. "What else does your intuition say?" I asked, muffling the sound of my voice in her skin. "That she'll have your eyes." - She replied, making some kind of contortionism and managing to take off my shoes, opening the legs and allowing me to snuggle between them. - Oh no! She laughed low in my disappointment. Camila's eyes were too perfect for only a couple of them to exist in the world. It would be wonderful if that child brought those chocolate eyes with her, pulling a smile out of me every time I looked at them as well. But it's alright. It was just an intuition. She could make a mistake. Her hands were still in my hair, practically bouncing me. Then, for the first time after I got word of the pregnancy, I realized that the day packed with things without Ally at my side had left me exhausted. I thanked her silently for being on a Friday. I moved, feeling a bit uncomfortable for putting all my weight on Camila's body. Maybe I was exaggerating after all, but as a first-time mom, I had the right to be an idiot. - Do not worry. She said, pulling me back to her as I tried to support my weight somewhere else. I wondered if the pregnancy was causing her to develop the strange gift of reading my mind. At the end, still in my underwear, I gave myself up to her tiredness and her fingers on my scalp. I dreamed of a beautiful girl with mysterious brown eyes, white skin like mine and straight hair. I dreamed about my daughter. And if that were possible, I was sure that I had spent all night smiling unconsciously.
