Pov Camila I walked for a lot of people, all men. In an attempt not to bump into anyone, my body deviated from the shapes that passed, all going in the opposite direction of mine. My head was down, my eyes on the floor, and it was when I first raised them that I noticed: They all stared at me. I did not know where I was. Immediately, I turned my eyes away again, and for some reason I realized that Lauren was walking beside me. I felt a liberating relief with her presence, but it was when our hands touched each other accidentally that she spoke. - Not here. I looked at her, full of doubt. Lauren kept looking forward, imposing, walking safely. Then, like a snap, I realized what was happening: she was ashamed of me. Shame to assume myself as someone who should be by your side. Shame that all of them, who were walking against us, would think if they saw us hand in hand. Lauren was ashamed to be seen with a whore. Camz ... I bowed my head, unable to face her. Not being able to formulate a single sentence, because an immense sadness kept me silent. And then, I was alone again. Camz ... I was alone. She did not love me. And I knew that. - Camz ... wake up ... Suddenly, all I could see was his face, a little far, but his green eyes very close. I slowly returned to reality, his presence taking shape before me. Was her. His hands passing softly through my hair. Your scent bringing me back to consciousness faster. After a brief moment, I was able to place myself, and there I was, back to Lauren's room, lying on her bed, covered by many of the sheets. She was kneeling, tidy and scented with a kind of dark gray blazer, very close to my face. Closer than necessary. "Sorry to wake you so early." It's just that I have to go to work. I blinked my eyes a few times, stunned by sleep, but with immense relief from being out of my nightmare. What time should it be? "And you're going to have to stay here alone." She did not take her eyes off me. He also did not move an inch, or stopped touching me. But I could see that something was bothering her. - You will stay ? Promise you will not leave? Fear. Again, she was afraid I would leave her. Again, she considered this possibility, and I wondered why I was beginning to forget it myself. - I will stay. She continued to stare at me, as if she wanted to find in my words some clue that this was a lie. I blinked a few times to make my gaze steadier, until she finally seemed to believe me. - This is your house, okay? I did not answer, but she did not seem to mind. "I left my cell phone number down, it's on the bedside table in the guest room. Anything you want, call me. And feel free. I will be back at night. "Okay," I replied, looking directly into her eyes. We remained silent for a long time, and for the first time in a long time that silence was not uncomfortable. It was not a silence filled with mistrust, secrets, or silent questions. It was just that. As if it were the most natural attitude in the world, Lauren bowed a little lower and kissed me gently on the lips. I could protest at having just woken up, but I drifted away from the sensation of having his lips touching mine so softly, in a simple act, but with such a meaning that it made the beating of my heart lose its rhythm. - See you later. - Hhhmm ... - It was my answer.She left, leaving me alone in that huge room, and I stood there, completely melted and in love with her. Shit. I lay for a long time stretching and purring like a cat on the crumpled sheets, not knowing if I wanted to smell her body there or the smell of the perfume that was now suspended in the air. But any of the smells gave me shivers, so I did not care. Like spending hours thinking about the nights I had with Lauren seemed to be now my newest craze, that's what I did. I remembered his kisses, his touches, his obvious lack of control as I entered his room. I never quite understood the reason for all that fixation with the perfume of my cream, but it could not have been clearer than that that made her lose her mind. I smiled at the memory of having her so submissive to me, so helpless and helpless. Somehow, seeing her that way made me believe, even for a moment, that she really liked me, and that it was not the result of a personality disorder or guilty feeling on her part. It made her look like she really loved me, that she was mine. As if to strengthen my hope, I kept mulling the fact that we had sex without a condom. That must mean something. Maybe not much, but something, anything, should mean. It was as if she was not afraid to stay with me, even knowing of my past. It was as if he could accept. As if, in the end, it was worth the risk. Did she really like me more than I thought? Do not be stupid. If sex without a condom meant love, there would not be so many single mothers around the world. My rationality. Always spoiling my moments of joy and hope. The mute clock ticked at 06:45, which I thought was too early to get up. So I decided to cuddle more on the soft pillows and let myself be rocked by sleep again. *** I woke up an hour later, and thanked the heavens for not having a new nightmare. I wriggled a little on the bed, clinging to her pillow, and then I stood still and listened as I heard the door of the room slam. Lauren had said she would only come back at night, but it would not make any sense to be back an hour after she left. I heard footsteps from one side to the other, and when I finally convinced myself that there was no way to identify the person who had just entered the apartment, I jumped up from the bed and, noticing that I was naked, ran to the closet, looking for some clothes that would suit me. All I found were social shirts, and I wondered where the hell would be the big, wide coats or even the normal blouses. I ran into the closet, trying to tinker as little as possible in her things, but it was when the steps began to approach that panic took me and I was forced to wear the first social shirt within my reach. A blue baby piece very soft and fragrant with the smell of it. I stepped out of the huge closet and faced a lady who was already unceremoniously entering the room. I wondered if she had woken up in the right house, and if so, why Lauren had not mentioned the existence of a small, chubby lady in her life, whoever she was. - God, I'm sorry! I thought there was no one here! She began, apologizing with a bulging look. Jauregui had not brought anyone here for such a long time ... A thousand excuses ... I continued in front of her, facing her completely confused but happy to feel that the piece of clothing she wore covered every part of my body that she should not see."But you must go now, my dear. "You know ... Maybe she'll call you to go out together again ... I was so confused that, after that, I probably would have gone even if it were not for the fact that that, in fact, I had nowhere to go. But how to explain it to her? "Ah ... I think ... I live here ..." Her eyes bulged again, this time so wide that they seemed to be able to leap out of their sockets. "Oh my God, I'm sorry miss!" I did not know ... I'm an idiot, I should not ... I'm sorry, I thought you were one more ... But of course it's special ... You're her girlfriend. Did she think I was "one more"? '' One more '' what? And as for the part of '' being her girlfriend '' ... Well, I did not know how to answer that, so I was grateful that it was not a question, but a statement. "I'll make you feel comfortable." I'm sorry ... She started to leave, still muttering to herself things like "idiot" and other name-calling, but I interrupted her. - It's okay ... What's your name? - My name is Guadalupe. She said, still looking very repentant. "I've come to clean Ms. Jauregui. I wish she had warned me ... I would not have given this vexation ... - Nice to meet you, Guadalupe. My name is Camila, but you can call me Mila. - Much pleasure. I smiled at the middle-aged woman, and she smiled back. I was grateful to her for not looking at me as if she were judging me or analyzing me, which made my sympathy for her immediate. - I'm leaving so you can clean up. Sorry to invade the room like that, I did not really have any idea ... - It's okay. Thanks. Guadalupe finally left, leaving me alone again. Convinced to make that situation as normal as possible, I took a deep breath and made my way to the guest room. Upon entering the bathroom, I did not find my toothbrush or the towel I was wearing during those days. Intrigued, I searched the bags and purses, but they were not kept either. Lauren had scrambled my things while I was asleep? I went back to her room, then I saw, in the bathroom, my white towel lying in the insurer, right next to her black. My toothbrush, unmistakable for its fluorescent pink color, hung beside his on the brush holder. I stared at it for a while, allowing myself to feel a small sense of joy with all that meaning, and it was when I looked in the mirror, still distracted, that I saw my own reflection smiling back at me. It had been so long since it had happened that I was momentarily startled by the image. Again, I distracted myself by thinking of how Lauren might be the reason for my deepest sorrow and at the same time the cure for her. I knew the answer to this puzzle, it was not stupid after all, but it was curious and, more than that, a bit scary, to come to the obvious conclusion that it was simply too important. I brushed my teeth, took a good shower, dried myself, combed my hair, all this without ever ceasing to think about it or to remember the moments of the previous night. It might not matter how many times we were together, the next morning would always be filled with memories of what happened between us, and the feeling of it in me would not leave me anytime soon. But it was not like I was complaining. I left the bathroom and felt an exceptionally cold wind. I hurried to my room and quickly pulled out of the bag of 'proper' clothes a pair of jeans, panties, thick socks, two sweaters, and a woolen coat. I passed my cream on strategic points, put on the clothes and raised my collar a little to hide some bruises still visible on my neck.I left Lauren's shirt hanging behind the door and finally walked into the kitchen. Guadalupe had already prepared some things for our coffee. I felt happy to sit at the table with her and keep up a nice conversation. I hid from her the details that should be kept hidden, but most of the time I asked the questions. "So you've been working here for a long time?" I started, taking one last sip of coffee. - Three years ago. I come every Monday, every fortnight, to get the house fixed. "I thought it strange, because Lauren did not mention anything ..." "Yes, Mrs. Neither did Jauregui inform me about his presence here. She said in embarrassment, blushing as she remembered what had happened a few minutes ago. "But I do not blame her. She's been a little disturbed lately, you know. Off axis. - Off the charts? "Yes ... At first, when she lay all day, I thought she was lazy. But she did not come back to work, and she did not eat right either. In fact, she did not do much besides look at the ceiling. When I heard a conversation from Mme. Jauregui with the secretary, I understood that everything was an unrequited passion. Guadalupe punctuated the sentence and looked at me questioningly, but said nothing. I felt a little cold in my belly, the urge to break the silence taking me slowly, even though I was not sure what I was about to say. "Um ... I do not know ... Maybe I might have something to do with it, but ..." She looked suddenly electric in her chair, staring at me brighter than ever. - Wants to know ? I think it's great that someone like you showed up and made her quiet. Not that Mme. Jauregui was not a good person, but ... You know ... There is a moment in a person's life when she has to mature on certain subjects ... "" She was not mature in certain matters? " "Well ..." she began, regretting that she had touched the subject. Jauregui is a very beautiful and rich woman, and she is still "special." Of course you know how easy certain things are for her. - I imagine. "She's never dated anyone." Sorry to say that, but I do not think it should be a secret ... She brought a lot of girls here. "Hmm ..." I mumbled, feeling my face begin to heat up unpleasantly and an unreasonable anger took me slowly. "It was awful, I had to get rid of the poor poor men in the morning. Some people understood, I think they wanted the same thing. But others looked really sad. "I see-" "But then, apparently, you appeared, and she stopped with-well, with that bad mania." Mrs. Jauregui never brought anyone here again while he was like that. In fact, she stopped it until a little earlier, which was strange. Only then came the depression. I even got used to not finding anyone in the room. That's why I came in that way today, and I'm sorry for that. "Is that why you said you thought I was one more?" One more ... - One more of Lauren's disposable women. That was what was going through my head, but I did not dare say it. "Yes. But there is no denying that you are different. I've only seen her stay almost the same way some time ago, when a cheap hustler betrayed her. Even so, I say "almost" because this time it got worse. And if I may give my opinion, taking into account everything I have seen Mrs. Jauregui pass this time, I believe you have it in your hands. I pondered his words, wondering if there was any possibility of being true. First, how could Lauren have gotten any farther from me than at the time of her breakup with that cheap cockroach I knew to be Beatrice? As far as I knew, this had been the only woman important enough to touch her in any way. Besides, how could I have it in my hands since, as I supposed, Lauren could choose any woman on the planet? Why should I be your choice? Why did it seem so hard to believe? Maybe because, unlike Guadalupe, the roles in that story were reversed: It was Lauren who held me."And I think that's great," she continued, pulling me back into the picture, "because it's not healthy to be with so many different people. I stared at her for a moment, wondering if her attitude toward me would change if I decided to tell her how many people I had been with. I came to the obvious conclusion that Guadalupe would never look at me again. "No ... it's not healthy." "I said before I could stop the words from coming out of my mouth, but she fortunately did not understand the real meaning. I noticed that she was staring at me, so I smiled simply, to give the impression that everything was fine. The woman smiled back at me, analyzing me a little. "You look like a good girl." My intuition says you're going to be okay. Working for three years there, one could imagine that Guadeloupe knew Lauren, if only a little. So again, seized by a wave of optimism and no rationality, I sank into the thought that she might be right when she said that I was special, and that I was right about my future with Lauren, too. Maybe because she wanted to trap me desperately in any situation, even imaginary, in which she loved me too. Maybe because I was tired of forbidding myself to believe in a possible romance between us. Maybe, at least momentarily, it was better to believe we could be together. Because giving myself to this thought lessened the anguish that hammered in my chest a little during all that time. "I hope you're right." I wanted to say that I would try with all my might to make her happy, if she wanted to, and I wanted her to know how much I loved Lauren. But I knew I could not make that clear, so I ended the conversation with one more sincere smile, hoping that Guadalupe could see through my eyes that making us all look good was all I wanted. *** My day was better than I thought. The company of Guadalupe made me feel as excited as I had not felt for a long time. While she cleaned and cleaned the house - which I had to confess, I did not see need, since everything seemed in place - we talked about all sorts of banalities. Since my time was not busy with anything but chattering with my newest friend, I decided to help her with the housekeeping, even under a shower of complaints and "do not need, miss!" Lunch was prepared by her. Not by my own will, but because Guadalupe almost threatened to kill me when I made a point of getting near the stove. Still, I was content with the light and carefree air that our friendship took in such a short time. I was relieved when my offer to change my bedding was accepted. Not that there was anything to see there, but some irrational part in me made me feel uncomfortable leaving her so close to the invisible evidences of some shameless nights between me and Lauren. Of course she knew what was happening, but still, she did not need to be explicit. Thanks to her, I got to know the rest of the house, still unexplored by me until then. I discovered a cozy space that was just beyond my room, with comfortable black leather sofas and a huge tv, equipped with an enviable sound system. More to the bottom, a little hidden, was a discreet library, more classy in appearance than the rest of the house, in a wood tone with light curtains and an imposing central fireplace. There was still another room, almost the same size as mine, a large social bathroom, a small office with two computers, and a smaller room that consisted all of it in a type of cellar, featuring not only various types of wine, but also bottles of whiskey of different years, protected from the low temperature of the environment by a specific division.To my surprise, I also found an area in the back of the apartment that looked out onto a lovely, medium-sized pool on the light floor, and shared space with a shower on the wall, and also had a small sauna. - Mrs. Jauregui never comes here. I wondered the reason, since the place seemed extremely relaxing. In response, Guadalupe made clear her willingness to cleanse that part that she hoped would now be properly tapped. My head was invaded again by different combinations of extremely improper thoughts of the two of us there, and then I wondered when I had begun to develop the embarrassing mania of thinking about sex with each innocent mention of the two of us together and alone. Guadalupe finished her work at 7:00 PM, and I was a little discouraged at the thought of seeing her leave, leaving me alone. Having someone to talk to without worry was starting to miss me, as I could tell now (Lauren did not count because we did not talk.) All we did was pick a few dozen words well to maintain a minimum of communication. Besides, her presence there made it impossible for me to think about the bad things I had been thinking lately. She occupied my head with simple, distracting subjects. "Are not you going to wait for Lauren to come and pay you?" I asked, hopeful that I could make her stay longer. - She deposits it on my account. - Ah. I opened the door for her, feeling my dismay begin to show signs of life again. "Since I'm not going to see you for a while, I hope you have a merry Christmas." - As? I asked, a little confused. "Have a merry Christmas," she repeated, thinking I had not heard. But I had listened very well. The problem was not being able to process the information. Why was she talking about Christmas? What date were we, anyway? - What Day is Today? I finally asked, after some time in silence. - December 21. I returned to my morbid silence, letting that piece of information flow like hot syrup of panic from my head to my feet. "Are you all right, miss?" I coughed a few times, trying to bring my voice back. - Yes of course. A ... Merry Christmas to you too, Guadalupe. She was still suspicious of my strange reaction, but finally gave up and picked up the elevator, making me the only person on that floor. I closed the door, trying to cover all the possibilities and the size of the problems. First, I had to get this one. And if I were to take into account that Lauren had given me, to say the least, a gift house, that level would be hard to attain. Second, I needed to know if we would spend Christmas together. As far as I knew, she had family. Somewhere on the planet. It was to be expected that by making it all a little more complicated for me: If she went and left me here, what I thought most likely would be even more confusing inside my already disturbed head. If she took me along, I'd get into some kind of panic attack. Third, I would need Ally's help to resolve these issues. I took a deep breath, trying to oxygenate my brain as much as possible, and still with my hand on the door handle, I closed the door. I spent some time trying to understand how it was possible to be oblivious to Christmas, but in the end, remembering everything I'd been through in the last three months, I was no longer surprised to be so completely lost. And suddenly the winter chill of the Christmas season began to make sense. I decided I would talk to Ally the next day, somehow.Unfortunately, that would have meant letting Lauren know this, since there was no way to contact ally without her, but I imagined that once it was clear that the matter between us was private, she would not insist on knowing what to do. treated Since I did not have much else to do, and how to worry about such things would not do any good - although I could not let go of the concern - I decided to deal with small, random things until I was no longer alone. I searched my suitcases for the charger on my cell phone, which I had forgotten for months without a battery. When I finally turned it on, I was bombarded with thousands of voicemail messages and missed calls. Without much interest, I left him on the bed without asking who the calls were. I allowed myself to turn on the heater in Lauren's room and bedroom, since the night had brought an even more intense chill. I took a hot shower and, ignoring the chill that ran down my spine as I left the bathroom, I put on her shirt that was still hanging behind the bedroom door. I rushed to my new favorite part of the apartment, finding the switch and turning the lights on and around the pool. It was not too much, not the least of it: The light and the feeling that she was going through were simply perfect. I touched the icy surface slightly with my fingers, stirring the water a bit, and sat on one of the wooden chairs, staring at the lighted tiles and ripples on the surface. I leaned back in my chair and took a deep breath. To my delight, things seemed to be gradually becoming easier. The reason I did not know, but unlike before, my head did not work frantically for answers. It was as if the mental exhaustion I was passing through was being replaced by some kind of acceptance, and although it might hurt me at any moment, the feeling of calm made me not need to pick up pieces of the past or doubts of what it would be the future from now on. The time I was there was uncertain. Although the day was tiring helping Guadalupe with the house, I was not tired. So I kept myself awake, even with the relaxing environment. I did not know what time it was, and I did not want to know, because that would involve immediately linking the hands of the clock with Lauren's arrival, turning my momentary peace into anxiety. I heard a very low noise, which I imagined was the door of the room. My heart, as usual, began to leap frantically in my chest, but I stood still, trying so hard to make myself calm that it would leave any Buddhist monk proud. Her footsteps grew faster and faster as time went on, so I wondered if this could mean growing panic that I could not find myself in any of the other rooms. My impulse was to scream for her to come and see me there, but I held still, still as I exercised my breath. She came in suddenly, already preparing to turn around and keep looking for the rest of the house. When he saw me there, he sighed loudly, and I wondered if this was his new craze to find me anywhere."Will you please stop running away from me?" "I'm still inside your house, are not I?" I answered, and I was startled by the calm tone in my voice as I felt my stomach turn 360 degrees in all directions. She did not answer. Instead, he moved slowly closer as he stroked his hair. Lauren still wore the huge blazer of dark gray winter, which left her, as well as beautiful, extremely charming. It was when she caught up with me that I could see the only flower she had on one hand, which was now offered to me. I took the white Camelia without thinking, feeling the tips of my fingers tingle slightly, and as if I could study it, I stared at it for some time. The petals were of hypnotic perfection. I raised my face, still nervous and unsure what to answer, but it was the reaction on Lauren's face that kept me silent. His expression was astonished, his eyes lit up with an intense glow, his mouth stretched out in a crooked smile so absurdly beautiful that it made my stomach take a few more involuntary twists. The realization of what was happening came like a snap, and then I realized that I myself was smiling simply and truthfully. The unexpected gift made me forget to arm my barrier against Lauren in the way I was doing, and I inadvertently let go of what I was really feeling. This seemed to illuminate her in an inexplicable way, but when I understood what was happening, I lowered my face a little more uneasily than I should have. - Thanks. - I said it simple. - Glad you like. I heard his voice say above me, and then I felt the soft touch of his fingers in my hair, bringing back a large wick that served as a curtain between us. Without knowing why, my voice uttered the first thought that came to mind. "You forgot to tell me about a person." She paused for a moment, trying to process the information. I looked at her and saw that now Lauren seemed to want to understand who exactly I was talking about. And by all indications, she suspected the right person. "Today is Monday, is not it?" She asked in a low voice. - IS. "Ahm ... So you and Guadalupe met?" "Yes." She held my gaze, asking an inner question for herself and deciding whether or not to verbalize it. - She treated you ... right? I had known Guadalupe for less than 24 hours, and yet I could say that she would treat "right" to anyone. Lauren, knowing her for a few years, knew that much better than I did. But the fact was, I knew what she was really talking about. "She treated me like the others." But it was not her fault. His expression twisted in what appeared to be a contained desperation. Still managing to adopt a surprisingly calm voice, I continued: "I explained the situation ... Well, more or less. She understood, so it's okay. - Excuse me. - She was quick to say - I was different ... - Okay. - I lied. Although I had no right to be jealous of any woman Lauren had or no longer had, I just could not stop myself from imagining her with so many others. And taking my past into account, it made the situation sound ridiculously ironic. She continued to stare at me with an expression of regret, and when neither of us had more to say, I stood up. - Is cold here. I do not think the heater comes to this part of the house. I said in a casual tone. - Is that my shirt? I felt my face burn with shame. I had forgotten that, first, I was wearing only a shirt, and that, second, I had taken a piece of clothing from her without asking permission."It's ... I was caught off guard this morning, it was the first thing I found in your closet ... Sorry, I did not have time ..." "You look much better in yourself than I do. She interrupted me as her hungry eyes swept my body from top to bottom without the slightest discretion. I made a superhuman strength not to let the shiver that ran down my spine turned into an embarrassing shudder, looking away and walking toward the door in a hurry longer than necessary. I rushed out with Lauren behind me. As I felt the heat from the heater hit my skin more intensely, I felt better and better. When I stopped, without realizing it, I stood beside her bed, and I knew that my attitude, even automatic, had made her happy again. I kept my back to not see the smug smirk of victory I knew was in his face, and began to curse me for my new, irritating mania of unintentionally pleasing her. - I'm going to take a quick shower. She started, interrupting my thoughts as she took off her heavy blazer. "The TV is all yours. I did not answer, but Lauren seemed to be getting used to my lack of manners. Then, without saying anything else, she entered the bathroom and left me there alone. I took a deep breath and decided to do something I should have done if I had the opportunity. I found a long vase of decoration and filled it with water, depositing my Camelia inside and placing it in my room. I rummaged through the suitcases for some time, finally finding what I was looking for in the last bag. I pulled out a folder with some envelopes, picking out a specific paper inside. I packed it again, and finally taking a box of pills, I went back to her room, sitting on the bed while waiting for Lauren to get out of the shower. Some time later, the door was opened and I had to wait a little so that my thoughts, before the tip of the tongue, made sense again. All this because the wretch, obviously on purpose, wore nothing but a black top and a red boxer that outlined the muscles of the legs and abdomen a bit with an agonizing perfection. Her hair was completely wet and the smell of the soap on her made me a little dizzy. "Is not it too cold for that?" I asked, feeling an irrational anger at my own lack of control. "No. There's a stove here, the heater is too strong. "Then lower the heater and put on a suit." - Because? So I can stop drooling like the member of that band I like to do, when you look at her bandmate. "You're going to catch a cold." "Do not worry about my health. What is it? Lauren pointed at the items in my hands, reminding me of what I should do. - Things I wanted to show you. She sat beside me on the bed-too close, making all the scents of the bath I had just taken and stunned me a little more-and analyzed with interest the paper I held. - They're exams. "I started, handing her the folded sheet - I always did it every three months. You know, routine exams necessary for ... me. The subject was delicate, and if I did not take great care of the words, our night would become extremely unpleasant at any moment.On that sheet were tests that proved what I had told her the night before: I was clean of any illness I might have because of my past. "These tests were done a month ago. "I pointed to the date at the top end of the paper." "And I swear I have not been with anyone since the day you left until the day you returned. - I believed it yesterday. She said in a low, rather dry voice, but still analyzing what the paper said. "Still, so you have no doubts ..." "Did I seem to have any questions yesterday when I ate you three times without a condom?" - I just wanted to taste it, okay? I was surprised by my own voice, which came out louder and more serious than I had ever heard it before. Lauren seemed to notice that too, so all she'd done for a long time was to stare at me with a serious but light expression. Then, having no way to get the subject going, she finally gave in. "Okay." I took the paper from his hands with a little more force than I wanted, but I did not apologize. - This is the contraceptive I take. "I showed the carton with the pills, still early." You're not going to be a mother too soon. She stared at the packaging in her hands, saying nothing. He sighed deeply, handing me back without any reaction. "Too bad you need to show me these things to feel better." "I thought you'd be calmer if I saw you." "And I find it clear that I trust you." You do not have to prove me, just say it and I believe it. I happen to need to show you some exam so you can be sure ... "" You know it's different! " - It is not. My word should be worth to you the same thing that counts for me. And if that does not mean anything, should I remind you that I've had too many women? "You do not have to. I spoke dry. Again, we were silent. Unfortunately, this was the old silence, the old acquaintance, which spread among us in an unpleasant way. Without thinking, I took the pills from her hand and stood up quickly, on the verge of running to my room and staying there. "You will not leave me alone here." Please ... "She said, holding my arm without strength but firmly. "I'm going to sleep in the other room tonight. I jerked myself away from his fingers and left without looking back. I entered my room, closing the door behind me. I threw the things on my hands, and I brushed my teeth. I did not bother to turn on the heater, turning off the light and thrusting myself once and for all under the layers of the warm, fluffy duvet, plunging into the almost total darkness of the room, which was only compromised by the dim light that came from outside. I entered through the window. I stood there mulling over that bad feeling, not even knowing why I was feeling it or what it might be. I covered myself to my head, trying to be quieter, but I could not. Why was I angry with Lauren, anyway? Just because she wanted to trust me and I would not let her? Did that make any sense? What the fuck was my problem? I lay still, waiting for sleep to arrive, but he did not come. Maybe it was because I was not tired, even after a day's work, or maybe - and what was more likely - because I was distressed by her absence. Although I did not want to admit it, I desperately wanted her to walk through that door at any moment, even if it was to ask anything stupid.As time passed, I was convincing myself that she would not show up. I considered getting up and going to sleep next to her, but I quickly gave up on the idea that Lauren had not yet come to see me, because she did not want to see me. The darkness of the room became stifling. Thin rain began to fall outside, making a noise so discreet against the glass windows that I might not notice if I was not paying attention. Suddenly, I felt a lump in my throat, the kind of pain I knew that preceded the crying. I tried to feel less alone, convincing myself that, deep down inside, I was just a dumb and needy child, and for God's sake, she was in the next room! Realizing for the first time his dependence on his company, I came to the conclusion that he would not succeed. Then I was taken aback by the noise of the door handle. I kept my eyes open, facing the window, my back to her, and for some reason I could not explain, I pretended to be asleep. She was silent for a while, perhaps watching my 'sleep'. But the moment was swift, so I heard the door shut again. I cursed my cowardice for letting her walk away like that, all I wanted was to have her there, with me. But none of my attitudes lately made sense, so it was not as if suddenly I was having some sort of sobriety. My imaginary curses were interrupted by what I immediately felt. The mattress next to me sank slowly, the comforter being gently drawn, and the next second, an arm went around my belly and a nose breathed into my neck. - Sorry if I was rude. It was not my intention. I did not respond, completely still, letting her presence there cover me little by little with a warm and wonderful joy. "I just wanted you to understand that I trust you." No matter what happened or no longer happens in your life, I just need to hear what you have to say. I'm sorry if I hurt you in any way. - It's all right. I said, instinctively grabbing the hand she held in my stomach. I wanted to say more than '' okay, '' I meant that she did not have to apologize for something she did not do, and I wanted to say that the rudeness in that situation was gone from me. But all I could do was clutch at his arm with all my might and enjoy the relief and lightness of having her again. Lauren laid soft innocent kisses on my neck, making a kind of affection with her fingers on my belly. "You said you wanted to sleep in this room, but you did not say anything about sleeping alone. She punctuated the phrase by opening the button on the bottom of the shirt I wore, and suddenly I noticed that the only innocent thing was me. "Can I stay here with you?" She asked at the foot of my ear, her hands trailing the length of the shirt and making three more buttons unbuttoned with frightening speed. "I do not think we'll be able to sleep if you keep doing this." I gathered all the strength that existed in me to speak the words without letting out a groan.Maybe I was guiding myself to the remaining buttons, I could not tell. "I did not ask if I could sleep here. I let out the air hard, feeling my body boil under the duvet, while her fingertips made delightfully provocative circles that ran from my navel to the edge of the most sensitive areas of my body. "You can do whatever you want, as long as you stay here ... It was meant to be a thought, but of course it came out loud. Even so, I did not mind being embarrassed, because that would imply that I would not take advantage of all those sensations that her blessed hands gave me as they explored my body. And there could be nothing in the world to get me out of our private bubble. Lauren turned me slowly as I opened the last button still closed on the sweater I wore. Again, I acted on impulse, thanking in silence for not being reasoning, and kissing her blindly, with such will that my lips ached. She pulled me close to her, completely removing the shirt I wore, and felt her incredibly warm breasts touch mine. She turned us on the bed, lying on top of me and depositing wet, lush kisses all the way down my exposed chest. I imagined I was feeling good about the darkness in the room for making my shame smaller, but the truth was that having her that way-in the shadows and at the same time so delivered-was arousing me in a dangerous way. I realized that at some point she had turned on the bedside lamp, and instead of bothering me, I felt a great satisfaction at being able to see what she was doing now. His mouth went down my belly, leaving a wet trail that was automatically frozen in the winter air. As she came down, she carried the duvet with her, and when her tongue decided to stop in my belly button and play around, I felt the cold of the room crash against my skin, but I ignored it. I tightened my fingers on the locks of her hair as Lauren pulled her panties down, tortured and slow. His tongue still scanned the various sensitive points in my belly button, and I had full notion that I squirmed in the sheets like fish out of water. - Can I ask you something? "You can do whatever you want-" I tried to speak without looking too breathless, but failed miserably. "Have they ever spoken to you?" Her words put me in immediate shock, and my involuntary reaction was to close my legs, but she was faster. Firmly, but without hurting me, I felt her hands grasp my thighs and pull them away again, now placing perfectly between them. - Camz ... - She started, again drawing my attention - Already sucked you? - Not! I answered, my voice more strident than usual, while, unconsciously and desperately, I tried to release her hands from my legs. "When I got women clients they did not give me pleasure, they paid me to give them pleasure. "Do not you want to know what it's like?" - Not! I screamed, still desperate. "Why not?" I was going to try to respond, but at that moment Lauren decided to lower her mouth to my pussy and began throwing breaths of air purposely over my hard clit, without even touching me, but causing my eyes to turn in their sockets. - P-stop! "Why do not you want to know what it's like?" Every syllable word she uttered resulted in new sensations, because her damn mouth was so close to my pussy that her lips, as they moved, inadvertently touched my clitoris (or not), in an extremely gentle way, but it was me leaving you completely insane.- I do not know! I said, almost in a whisper, being absolutely honest as to why I tried to stop her from continuing. I did not know what it was, because it had never been played that way, but it was not naive to the point of not knowing that it must be very, very yummy. "Why will not you let me do that?" You can trust me. You tell me to stop, and I stop. My control was fading too fast. The expectation and the sensation of having her face inches from where I wanted her to touch me were making me so extremely aroused that I had to gather all the strength in me to keep myself conscious. I could never imagine how sensitive I was in that area, but Lauren was testing all my resistance. I did not answer, and as she confronts, she sighed purposefully. My body shook violently, then I felt my vaginal muscles contract with such intensity that they hurt. I closed my eyes tightly, probably tearing strands of hair from her head with my desperate fingers. "I've dreamed of your scent more than once. "She started," But you're sweeter than I thought. She took a deep breath, and not knowing exactly how or how long it took, my body squirmed in an explosion of pleasure so big and hot that for a long time I was completely out of it. And so, just like that, I enjoyed it. I waited with my eyes closed for my breathing to normalize. My fingers, unlike the rest of my body, were frozen and hurt by the force I was doing. It was cold, I knew, but I still could not feel it. As I went back to me, I felt the touch of her hands wrapped around my legs again and her breathing still weak in the same place. The silence was long enough to allow me to return from the climax and still be able to notice it. I opened my eyes slowly and looked down, staring at her, not knowing how to act. "Did you come?" She seemed more confused and out of her mind than I was, but all I could do was nod my head. Lauren kept staring at me for a while, and for a moment I had a vision of what her explosive reaction would be. Again, too late. I felt his approach violently as his hands tightened on my legs with the strength to leave marks. But the pain was the last thing I could feel at that moment, simply because her tongue was inside my tight entrance, and in an unconventional way. The movements were precise, making my body ripple through the mattress. You could imagine that she was good at it, not only because she used to be good at everything-especially about sex-but because she had plenty of opportunity to gain experience. Yet, I did not imagine it would be necessary to try to prevent my body from exploding into a new orgasm any time soon. Still, I had to refrain from getting to the climax again between strategic bites, intense kisses and provocative licks. If I felt her breathing against my sensitive pussy it had been good, there were no words to describe the sensation of being sucked in by her. The intensity of pleasure resulted in some kind of strange reaction, so I realized that my hands and feet were completely numb. I did not care. If I told her this, Lauren would stop what she was doing to give me some medical help, but the last thing I wanted was for her to stop. My hands hung loose in the locks of her hair, without pushing. My mouth was completely dry, and maybe I was about to have something very serious, but I allowed myself to be irresponsible and not interrupt the best sex night of my life. To my despair, my second orgasm approached with unexpected force. "Laur ... I'm going to-" I pulled her hair up hard, trying to get her out, but Lauren was a lot stronger than I was, and she was not going anywhere. So it was not difficult to hold my wrists tightly and leave me completely tied, preventing me from doing anything. I screamed in pleasure as I felt her tongue penetrate me in the rhythm of the spasms, my head going completely empty and my face both hot and numb. My throat ached, a result of both the screams and the strength I had made not to scream even more.My body resembled bare wires, feeling a pang of shock in every inch that her body came into contact with mine. She got up completely breathless and stared at me. My eyes, possibly unfocused, could see only a blur of her silhouette, just above me. "It will be fast, I promise. She said, and once again I felt myself being invaded by her. This time she had penetrated in the conventional way, letting her body weigh over mine as she made sharp, strong movements inside me. I could not breathe right, but that was not important. I was surprised by a kiss, choking me even more, and immediately identified the different taste in her tongue. - You're delicious. Pulling strength I do not know where, I wrapped my legs around her hips, reinforcing the movement she made inside me, and letting me feel the waves of her body dictate our dance synchronized. As she had said, it was fast. A few minutes later, I felt myself being filled with her warm enjoyment, which flowed into me as proof of a perfect and incredibly pleasurable night. As if that were not enough, somehow-and I did not know how that could even be-I was able to have a third orgasm, which was enough to make my body look like gelatin melting. I stood very still, unable to say anything, as I focused on the sound that his breathing, gradually calmer, made near my ear. My hands and feet were starting to tingle a bit, reminding me that I still had limbs. Slowly, I felt the cold of the room again bumping into my slightly damp skin, and I thanked God that her body was covering me. *** After a long time in silence, making me think for a moment that he had fallen asleep, Lauren got up slowly, leaving me completely exposed and cold. I did not force myself to open my eyes, hoping she would understand what was happening to me. It was not tired, it was different. I felt my body being easily suspended from the hot mattress, but I did not care. Seconds later, I was under a warm, invigorating shower, making my reality come back a bit and realized that after all I could stand. I also noticed that her arms were around me, trying at the same time to lather me and not let me fall. - It's all right. Leave it to me. I managed to speak in a very low voice. Even so, she seemed to understand, so I tried to wash myself while Lauren was just keeping an eye on me and my lack of motor coordination. The shower was off, and I was already more alert. I made a point of taking the towel from her hands, but she ignored my attitude and dried me up as if I were a five-year-old. I did not complain, but I found it funny. I was taken back to bed, covering me with the comforter still warm and fluffy. I heard a pleasant noise from the heater, now turned on, and I waited for the heat to be enough to make me stop shaking. I turned aside and covered myself to my face, waiting for her approach. As I was beginning to feel depressed by the delay, I felt the mattress sink to my side, and the next second her arms were already hugging me from behind again, forming a protective shell around me. Without thinking, which I was enjoying doing, I moved closer to her, feeling her fresh, perfumed skin glued to mine, and finally I sighed. - Now ... Can I sleep here? "You really can do whatever you want." I answered in a low tone. "Do not tease me, Camz. She smiled against my neck, pulling me closer to her and hugging me tighter. "I'm not teasing you." "I answered, telling the truth." At least not on purpose. "Then stop being provocative without meaning to." I smiled without motives, still glad to feel her so close.We were silent again, and my soul seemed more calm to realize that it was the comfortable silence that was there. Our conviviality, it seemed, was becoming less complicated by degrees. I wondered how far I would go if I allowed myself to do everything on impulse, since the biggest of my problems was thinking too much. I imagined a day when we would be a couple, unresolved, no reason to be afraid to express ourselves, and how good it would be to be at her side without the fear of fishing from the past, accidentally, anything that hurt her. Anything that would hurt me. I came to the conclusion that, perhaps, this day would never happen, and a small twinge of disappointment welled up in me, shaking a little, but not quite the joy I was feeling. Still, if before I clung to the idea that having it was impossible, now my rationality had already openly admitted defeat, allowing me to dream of my particular fairy tale. And it did not matter what my pessimistic side tried to convince me: If the princess in question was Lauren, with all her flaws and her complications, then it was definitely a dream worth hoping for.
