Death of a Bachelor // brallon [Book 2 of Far Too Young To Die]

twelve

It's quiet yet calm when Dallon wakes up. Fall asleep at 2:45 in the morning, wake up exactly 6 and a half hours later. They both wish he had gotten more sleep but they'll take what they can get.

It's now about 4. Jon, Ryan, and Spencer have left to go explore and Brendon and Dallon are in bed, Brendon holding Dallon's head and petting his hair softly. Dallon took medicine and they did a whole list of homemade remedies, but this seems to be the most relaxing one.

Brendon took a picture and posted it to Twitter, writing, 'I think @DallonWeekes found his favorite hangover remedy' , and now fans are going insane over Brallon, as well as the video Jon took of Spencer and Ryan with the location and posted it to Instagram. He later posted a video and Brendon can briefly see him and Spencer holding hands, but not many people have noticed that tiny moment hardly captured.

Dallon's phone buzzes again and he groans softly. "Why is my phone blowing up so much?"

"I posted a picture of us."

"Oh, okay," he says, relaxing again.

"Are you ready to tell everyone?" Brendon suddenly asks. Dallon frowns and pushes himself up, feeling incredibly relieved to find out that his head is no longer pounding and the hangover has almost completely subsided.

"I thought you wanted to wait until the album came out?"

"I do. I mean, I did. I mean..." Brendon sits up. "I wanna be more open about it. Now that the guys know, I'm scared fans might corner them and ask what's going on between us, or maybe someone will slip up. Eventually everyone's gonna realize we live together. I don't wanna say it yet but I'm okay with no longer hiding literally every single thing. No sneaking around, no driving over late at night so we don't risk being seen, no code words and sentences through texts and around people," Brendon explains. "I want it to be us."

Dallon sits up and smiles at him kindly. "I'm more than happy with that plan."

Brendon smiles and they kiss each other softly, lips moving slowly. Dallon soon begins to kiss his neck.

"I didn't realize how much I needed and wanted you until that time you were gone," Dallon says. "I can finally give you a hickey."

Brendon laughs. "They're gonna be back any minute," he tries to warn him, but Dallon doesn't stop. Brendon runs his fingers through his hair. Dallon has only ever been able to give Brendon a hickey three times, Brendon to Dallon five times, excluding the small shoulder hickeys no one ever sees. It drives them both insane and now they can do it all they want without being scared of being caught.

Dallon's hand trails down, gently squeezing Brendon's thigh. He moans softly and Dallon sucks in some skin, hands working together to pull Brendon's pants down enough so he can touch him, but then the sound of the front door unlocked makes Dallon pull away. Brendon suddenly feels flustered and hot.

"Fuck," Brendon whispers as Dallon sits up, a bit disappointed that he didn't get to suck his neck long enough to give him a hickey. He laughs and Brendon fixes his pants. They aren't hard or horny enough to get hard, but they do feel quite needy of each other. Brendon watches him smile and look down. He looks tired, but very happy. A rush of sadness hits Brendon. He had almost lost him if it weren't for Spencer, Jon, and Ryan. There was a moment in time where the last thing Brendon wanted to do was live.

No one knows that Brendon's depression and suicidal thoughts have started to come back. He is trying to hide it, ignore it and hope it goes away, but after seeing Dallon, Brendon wishes that it were him on the balcony rather than Dallon.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Brendon's mind begins to fill with dark thoughts. It should have been me, not Dallon. I should have killed myself years ago. What if Dallon doesn't love me? What if the guys are just gonna be pissed off at me? This is all my fault. They would all be better off without me.

"I should've killed myself when I had the chance," Brendon says quietly without meaning to, whilst looking at nothing in particular. Dallon looks at him, heart shattering and sinking.

"What? No, no, baby, why—" Dallon tries to get him to sit up, but Brendon doesn't stop staring at the ceiling. "Hey, come here, sit up, it's okay."

It takes a bit for Brendon to do so, but when he does, he begins to look at the corner of the floor and the wall.

"Brendon?" Dallon asks quietly.

"Why am I here?" Brendon asks. "Why... why did you ever save me?"

"You're important."

"I'm not."

"You are. To so many people, and even if you weren't... you are to me. You changed my life."

"I'm sorry." Dallon tries to figure out what to say, but Brendon beats him to it by saying, "You'd be better off without me."

"No, no, Brendon, I would not be better off without you. You're all I want and all I need in life and I wouldn't want it any other way."

Brendon looks at him and doesn't realize until he blinks and a tear falls, that he had been crying. Dallon is starting to tear up a bit too.

"It's gonna be okay," Dallon says. "I'm here with you. I'm never gonna leave you and I'm never gonna stop loving you. You're my whole world- no, my whole universe, Brendon. You're what is keeping me going, what's giving me motivation, what's making me wanna live my life to the fullest. You make my life bright and happy and without you-"

Dallon takes a deep breath to steady his words. Brendon bites the inside of his lip.

"I'm lost without you. And look around you, Bren. So many people love you. They love your voice. You've written a whole album basically by yourself, you've been the voice kids wanna listen to when they're having a bad day. People come to see us in concert and they do anything they can to meet you. So many people love you and care about you. Especially me," Dallon explains. Brendon presses his lips together and looks down. Dallon slowly leans forward, hands inching towards Brendon's waist. Brendon jumps forward, arms around Dallon's neck. He quietly sobs, body shaking as he repeatedly holds his breath. Dallon holds him tight. "I'm here, baby, it's okay."

There's a long pause, Brendon calming himself down as much as he can, until he says, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Dallon's heart sinks and he tenses. "What...?"

"About... these thoughts," Brendon says nervously. Dallon feels relieved, but now nervous again.

"How long have they been going on?" He asks cautiously. Brendon pulls away and wipes his tears.

"About... about a month or two... or so," Brendon says. Dallon looks at him sadly and worriedly. Brendon looks at his hands. "I didn't tell you because I was trying to push it away, like... maybe it'll just go away if I ignore it, but seeing you on the balcony just made me wish I were up there instead," Brendon explains.

Dallon tenses. He doesn't exactly remember everything from last night, not that anyone knows, but now he is terrified. Not only did he stand on a balcony to kill himself while drunk, but it massively triggered Brendon and now Brendon's finally accepting that he's suicidal again.

"I thought that... the first time, I thought it was because I knew you didn't like me like that, and now I just... I feel like you don't love me. You say you do, but then-"

"Your head tells you I don't?"

Brendon looks up and nods. Dallon takes his hands and looks into his eyes.

"I am so... so fucking in love with you, Brendon, and that is never gonna change," Dallon says seriously and quietly. Brendon relaxes a bit, a little part of his mind telling him that Dallon is lying and doesn't mean any of it, but he blocks it out and leans forward, connecting their lips. His hands snake up to the sides of Dallon's neck as Dallon holds him by the waist.

Brendon suddenly stops and pulls away.

"Does Ryan know Jon and Spencer are together?"

Dallon laughs, causing Brendon to smile. Dallon hums before saying, "You know, I'm not quite sure."

The two laugh a bit and look into the other's eyes.

"I love you," Brendon says softly. Dallon smiles.

"I love you too."