Wish ~Yato x Reader AU~

Chapter 12: The Waves

There are so many. Everywhere. They're everywhere. Flying in the sky...hiding in the treetops...swimming in the water...resting on shoulders...walking alongside people...waiting under benches. They're all there...all watching and observing. All with beady eyes that are scanning and looking as their repetitive words all mix and blur together like static.

Static. That's a generous way to put it. They are loud and deafening to my ears, making my chest grow tighter and tighter with each passing second. But I tell myself the same thing over and over again just as they repeat their same hollow phrases, though my words differ from theirs. I remind myself that they're not real. They're not there. They're just images that my brain concocted. Figments of my imagination with auditory hallucinations. That's all they are. That's all they are...nothing less and nothing more.

But that's a lie.

There is more to these appalling apparitions than I want to admit. Reminders...reminders of what was. Reminders of things and events I could never change. Reminders of so much pain and regret. Reminders of a little girl who grew up too fast. That's what these damn illusions make me remember and it's infuriating...because I've worked so hard to leave that version of the past hidden in the deepest depths of my subconscious. I tried. I tried, anyway.

I tried and now it's all trying to resurface. Every image...every thought...every memory...every last little thing is trying to boil up to the surface. And I'm trying to swallow it all down. Just a bunch of stupid made up figments of my imagination that have ruined my life on more than one occasion...because I let them. I allowed that bullshit to disrupt my life, but not again. Not this time. I refuse to let this all ruin my life a second time around. I refuse.

"Come on, Y/N," I huff. "Snap out of it. You missed one day. Just don't fuck up and forget it again tomorrow."

That's what I choose to tell myself, but this one day has impaired my abilities to perform my job efficiently and well. I feel like I've failed. I'm almost expecting Mr. Sui to give me a surprise visit to critique my poor work performance from earlier. At least, that's what it feels like. In this mess known as my mind, my paranoia is toying with my confidence. I shouldn't be surprised. That's nothing new, really. It's just another symptom...just another burden. Just another burden I must shoulder alone.

I let out a haggard sigh and squeeze my eyes shut, those stupid voices still going on about whatever it is that has them all worked up. All around the exterior of Seven I can hear them, talking...mimicking...crying. Whatever. They're doing it all and I can hear them, but at least I can't see them anymore. All I see is the blissful darkness of the back of my eyelids. I can't see their ugly faces and distorted frames. At this moment, with my eyes closed, they are invisible just like they have been all this time. All these years. They are invisible.

However, nothing can make their words disappear. The storm of voices still envelopes me into an unwanted hug, suffocating me. But I do my best. I fight to silence them, mentally screaming at them to just shut the hell up. It feels like forever that I'm trapped in this emotional standoff with myself, begging and pleading with my screwed-up mind to just stop. This is hell. This is my hell. It's always been my hell...and it always will be.

"Please...just shut up," I whimper into my pillow, squeezing my hands into fists. "Just shut up already."

No luck. In fact...it's almost as if they're getting louder...closer, even. The voices are moving in on me. I can practically feel their hot breath tickle the back of my neck as their rotten stench fills my nostrils. My stomach practically heaves at it, but I manage to maintain my composure. How is beyond me. All I know is that I'm feeling weaker and sicker with each passing second. I just wish it would all stop.

I pull my knees up to my chest, feeling tears beginning to bubble beneath the surface. My body trembles under my comforter and I can't stop. Don't get me wrong. I want to stop. I want to just sit still and not hear or see these stupid things, but that is not how it works. I can hear them. I can't understand everything they're all saying, but I can hear them. Until...until I don't.

All the muffled chatter and cries...they just disappear. One minute I'm being smothered by the deafening murmurs and the next silence. No more crying...no more mimicking...no more talking. Just the peacefulness of the quietude. Just quiet.

And the sound of the waves crashing against the shore.

**Ello lovelies! A shorter chapter today, but more of a look into Y/N's mind. Kinda. There'll be more to uncover in future chapters. Still, despite the vague details, whatda y'all think? Any ideas as to what this all means? Feel free to take a guess! As always, thank you so, so, so much for everything! Y'all are awesome sauce! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross

P.S. "Wave" by ATEEZ. I just love this song (and group) so much. <3