The girl who can't be moved (COMPLETED)

The girl who can't be moved (THIRTEEN)

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to let go of something that I didn't really have. How can I let go of Robi when he's not even mine? Alien nga talaga ako. Kung pwede lang, magteteleport na ko sa Pluto. I looked at my watch. I've already spent 2 hours sitting on this pavement enumerating why I fell inlove with Robi. Why did everything turn out this way? It's so unfair. He was already inlove with me, but he had to leave. Just like when we were in sixth grade- we were already getting close but I had to leave. Why do we always have to go back to being strangers whenever we take a step near each other? Was Caleb right? Do I really have to let go so Robi can find his way to me? What if Robi never finds his way to me? That would suck and my heart will explode. I don't know what to do... But while I'm still thinking about letting go, I have to figure out what will my last desperate act be.

I looked up at the sky. Maybe something good will happen tonight. The night sky's the same as that wonderful night when Robi said that he loves me. The purple sky was filled with twinkling stars. The moon was so full and round again. The summer night breeze felt good. It was a bit cold for a summer night, but it warmed my soul. I started humming 'The Man Who Can't be Moved".

"I hope that one day you wake up and find that you're missing me... So your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be... Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet... And you'll see me waiting for you on the pavement of our house... " I sang... "Hayyy... Nababaliw na talaga ako..."

Then, as if fate was on my side, Robi stepped out of their house.

"Robi!" I called.

He didn't turn to me.

"Robi!" I ran to him.

He stopped walking.

"What is it that you want?!" He yelled at me.

I was taken aback.

"Bad mood ka?" I asked trembling.

"Bad trip ka kasi!" He yelled at me again.

"Bakit ako? We haven't seen eachother for a few weeks now, and you're mad at me?"

''Dahil sayo, I lost my band, my friends and my fiancé. Dahil sayo I'm alone again!"

"No, you're not. I am here."

"And I don't want you to be here."

That's when I felt my heart being torn apart slowly. The pain lingered as if torturing me. Tears started falling again.

"I wanted to feel that electrifying kiss you left me with five years ago. I've always thought you owed me that. I wanted to feel it again so that I'll know that I'm still alive. And because I know it will heal my breaking heart. Right now, my heart is on the verge of dying..." I wiped my tears and I placed my hand on his chest. I tried feeling his heartbeat. "Before you left for Spain, you made me feel your heartbeat. I remember how abnormally fast it was beating, and you said it beats like that whenever I'm around. Is your heart asleep right now? Is your heart tired? Is it sick? Please give me an excuse why it isn't beating abnormally fast right now. I'm right here, and it's not beating fast the way it's supposed to be." I cried to him.

He stayed silent.

"That night, when you first introduced Irish to us and I walked out, why did you come after me? Why did you stop me from jumping off of that bridge? I wanted to die that night because of my broken heart! Why didn't you just let me?!" I cried again.

"Because my conscience will eat me up. And I know that the guys will forever blame me for it. Why? You think I stopped you, because I love you? I stopped you because you weren't thinking. If I let you jump off of that freaking bridge, you'll cause traffic, you'll gross out every person who'll see you all broken up, you'll add up to the mess that the metro aides will have to clean up. You always do things on impulse. You don't think about other people. You're way too selfish." He said.

"Why did you go back here? Bakit ka bumalik? Don't tell me you went back for the band. Wag mo gawing dahilan ang Neon, dahil sasapakin talaga kita!"

He looked me straight in the eyes.

"I came back for the band." He sighed.

"Ang kapal ng muka mo!" I yelled at him and punched him on the face. "Ang tagal kitang hinintay because you asked me too. Sobra akong nagpaka tanga sayo dahil alam ko mahal mo ko. Sobra kong pinababa yung sarili ko dahil mahal kita. Because I love you way too much. I'm going through so much pain because of a stupid feeling that was stuck in just my memory. Sana hindi mo na lang sinabi sakin noon na mahal mo ko! Sana you didn't leave me with an electrifying kiss! Sana hindi ka na lang nagpakita bago ka umalis! Sana hindi mo na lang ako pinuntahan nung nawala ako sa Gateway! Sana hindi ka na lang nagcheer nung soccer game ko dati! Sana hindi mo na lang ginamot yung tuhod ko nung nasugatan ako! Sana hindi mo na lang ako pinanood nung play namin! Sana hindi mo na ko binantayan sa ospital when I broke my leg! Sana hindi mo na lang ako pinasan noon! Sana hindi mo na lang ako tinuruan mag-drums! Sana hindi na lang tayo naging magkaibigan! Sana hindi ka na lang lumabas ng bahay nyo noon nung nag-uusap kami ni James! Sana hindi na lang kita naging crush nung grade six tayo! Sana hindi na lang kami lumipat dito! Sana hindi na lang kita nakilala! Sana hindi na lang kita mahal!" I yelled all those "sana's" to Robi. I yelled those things I wished that didn't happen so I won't feel this pain.

I reached for the drumsticks in my bag- the 'keeper of my heart' drumsticks, and threw it at him.

"Sayo na yan! Ayoko na nyan! Lahat ng sinabi mo noon kakalimutan ko na! Lahat ng mga nangyari, buburahin ko na! Kakalimutan na kita just the way you made your heart forget me! Kakalimutan na kita! I'll forget you and fall inlove with someone else! Pipilitin ko magmahal ng iba until my heart won't remember a thing about you! Until my heart won't even recognize your scent, your voice, your touch, your heartbeat nor the memory of you! I'll make my heart forget every bit of you! I'll make my heart forget that there will only be space when I see you! It won't feel a thing or skip a beat for you! You will no longer exist in my world!"

I took off the shoes I was wearing. It was the shoes that Robi gave me. I threw it at him before I turned away and ran back to my house.

"Ian!" Robi called out. He ran after me. "Ian, stop!"

I was about to step inside the house when he grabbed my arm.

"I still owe you one thing..." Robi said and pulled me closer.

I stared at him. One thing.... he said one thing. He didn't just owe me one thing. He made me wait five years for nothing. He made me cry, he made me look stupid and broke my heart into million delicate pieces.

"Look at me, Ian..." He demanded.

He put his hand on my face and made me look at him. Then I felt his other hand on my waist. It sent shivers down my spine. I looked at Robi. I could feel my tears welling up again but I fought so hard not to cry... I don't want to cry in front of him again. I am not just letting go of him, but I am letting go of myself. I'm choosing to free myself from all this pain. I don't want to forever live with my broken heart. It's not easy. Ngayon pa lang, even the slightest thought of Robi not existing in my world makes me wanna die already. And that scares me. Wanting to die because of Robi only meant that I have nothing left of me. It only meant that I have given all of me to him that I totally forgot about me.

"Let me go..." I said. I was trying so hard to push him away, but he wouldn't budge.

"I told you to look at me." again he said.

What else did he want? He wanted me to stay out if his life and now I'm willing to do just that, but now he's taken a hold of me. I looked at him. Robi's face was blank. I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"I still owe you something." He repeated. "I still owe you that electrifying kiss."

Then suddenly, Robi tilted my head and his lips landed on mine. I stood still. I couldn't move nor think straight. But I knew that I have to pull away, so I tried so hard to push him away. I pushed Robi and struggled to get away from him, but he pulled me even closer and embraced me tightly. He kissed me again fully on the mouth.

His kiss was not hello, or goodbye or anything I could put a name on. It was more than I've ever had, more than I've ever wanted, more than I've ever dreamed of. It was way past that electrifying kiss we shared once upon a time. He took my lips gently at first ---nibbling, tasting, tempting. His fingers in my hair, he tilted my head so he could delve more deeply within my mouth. I lost all sense of right and wrong- who he was, who I was, what he'd done to me. All I could think about was that stick figure of Super Ian and Robin Hood on that bus, smiling and holding hands, together... forever. I wanted to keep kissing him ---- forever and a day. But then he pulled away...

"Ian...." He whispered my name.

I looked at him, his eyes were closed.

"Please tell me to stop..." He sighed.

Was he begging me to stop him? I don't want him to stop. I didn't want him to pull away. I want him to kiss me all night, if that was even possible.

"Ayoko...." I whispered.

Robi opened his eyes and stared at me. He gave me a faint smile and kissed my forehead, the tip of my nose and back to my lips. Then, he lifted me off of my feet. He carried me like a fragile girl. He closed the door behind us. He walked to my room with me still in his arms and our lips on each other's. I didn't know what's going to happen. I didn't know if it was just a dream or if it was really happening. All I knew was that I wanted Robi. After all what I said to him, I still wanted him. I still love him with all my heart and if this will be my last night with him, I want this night to be better than what he left me with when he said goodbye five years ago.

We reached the bedroom and Robi laid me down on the bed. I laid there motionless waiting for his next move. I looked at him. He was staring at me. He sighed.

"Tell me to stop..." Again, he pleaded to me.

I shook my head.

"No. I don't want you to stop..." I whispered.

Then, he lay on top of me and owned my lips once again. This time, his kiss was rough, hot and very demanding. Suddenly, I felt him undressing me. I felt like I was on fire.

"Robi...." I breathed as I felt him trail little kisses on my neck.... and lower.

I felt like I was running out of air. His fiery kisses were so hot I thought it was enough to set me on fire. I clenched my hands on his shoulders, holding him close never wanting to let him go. He continued doing wonderful things with his mouth until my knees went weak. As if he could sense my need, he stood up and undressed himself. I watched him move as if he couldn't wait to get his clothes off, and the best thing about it was I could see passion and desire in his eyes.

Robi returned to me taking one hand and kissing me again. He was touching me, everywhere and it felt so good. Amazingly good. It was better than good. All I could do was sigh and say his name over and over as I breathe out. He kissed me, deeper than before, and swept me to his arms.

He pulled away and stared at me. I placed my hand on his chest. Then, I felt his heart beating fast. It was faster than ever. Did his heart finally remember me? I smiled and felt a tear escape my eye. Robi kissed the tear that rolled down my cheek. He traced my cheek with gentle kisses until he reached my lips again.

"I want more than this electrifying kiss..." I breathed. Robi stopped. He stared at me. His face was overwhelming. I knew, then, that he understood what I meant. He smiled and kissed my forehead, my cheek then my lips. Then, I felt our bodies become one. I felt a slightly sharp pain in there. All I could do was bite my lip and close my eyes tightly. I felt Robi stiffened.

"Adrianne..." He whispered.

I opened my eyes. He looked worried.

"I--i'm f--fine..." I told him. "Kiss me again..." and he did.

It was enough to chase away the pain. He started thrusting slowly... after a while, the pain went away. It felt so good. It was too much. Somewhere within his movements, I began to move as well. Robi guided me. I was amazed at how well our bodies fit together.
"Robi..." I sighed.
I looked at him and saw a strain look on his face as if he was trying to prevent something from happening. Excitement kept building and building inside me, until I thought I might explode. And I did, it was the most wonderful experience of my life. I clung to Robi, his face was hidden on my neck. I could feel damp tendrils of his hair against my skin.

We lay together for a long while, holding each other tightly, until Robi pulled away. He looked at me with a smile on his face.

"Tulog ka na..." He whispered. He pulled me close to him, letting me rest my head on his chest. I could hear his heart beating fast. It was like music to my ears and heart. I looked up at him. He seemed happy, yet it worries me. I know I'm supposed to be happy, but I feel like this wonderful dream is bound to end the way our electrifying kiss ended.

"Sleep, Adrianne. Everything will be okay..." Robi said. I closed my eyes and wished that he will stay true to his words. I really hope that tomorrow... everything will be okay....