The girl who can't be moved (COMPLETED)

The girl who can't be moved (FOURTEEN)

I would've thought that it was nothing but a wonderful dream, if only I didn't wake up hearing the sound of Ian's breathing. I would've believed that I was only dreaming if only I didn't feel her snuggling between my arm and chest. I could still feel her lips on mine. That wonderful memory of last night is still stuck on every inch of my body- every touch of her hand on my arm and chest, her hips moving against mine, her legs wrapped around me, her cheek rubbing against my shoulder as I kissed her neck, and even the taste of the tear that rolled down her cheek lingered in my whole being.

I took a deep breath and glanced at Ian still dreaming away on my chest. She moved a little, giving me a full view of her face. Then, it hit me. This is the view that I want to see every morning of my life. I love her. I always have and I always will. Even if I make my heart ignore and forget that I love her, it will always remember. My heart is not capable of loving anyone but Ian. My heart is made only for her. There's no one else for me but her. My heart and I will never ever have it any other way anymore. I held Ian tighter. I'm going to take the risk. I am ready to take the risk.

"I love you..." I whispered. "I'm sorry I made my heart forget that I love you so much. I'm sorry for hurting you so much. I'm sorry for making you cry a dam of tears. I love you so much... Our forever will start when you wake up. I promise."

___________

I would've thought that it was nothing but a wonderful dream, if only I didn't wake up hearing the sound of Robi's breathing. I would've believed that I was only dreaming, if only I didn't feel the warmth of his body as I snuggled between his arm and chest. I could still feel his lips on mine. That wonderful memory of last night is still stuck on every inch of my body- the warmth of his hands cupping my face and caressing the curves of my body, I can still feel my skin burning from that gentle fiery kisses he showered me with, droplets of sweat on my neck from the strands of his hair, his hips placidly moving against mine, even the kiss that wiped away the tear rolling down my cheek lingered in my whole being.

I took a deep breath and glanced up at Robi still dreaming away with me on his chest. He moved a little, giving me a full view of his face. Then it hit me. This is the view that I've been wanting to see for five years now. I love him. I always have and I think I always will. Even if he made his heart ignore and forget that he loves me, my heart will only remember that he did love me. My heart is not capable of loving anyone but Robi. My heart is only made for him. There's no one else for me but him. My heart and I won't have it any other way. I held on to him tight.

"I love you..." I whispered. "I'm sorry that I want to be selfish right now... Please... Let this moment last. Kahit two minutes lang. And it'll be enough to keep me sane until I accept that Robi will never be mine again... Until I finally learn to accept that our forever will never start when I wake up from this beautiful dream."

I held on to him even tighter and stared at the clock on my desk. One minute... One minute- fifteen seconds... One minute- thirty seconds... One minute- forty-five seconds... Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven. Six. Five. Four. Three. Two.... I took a deep breath... One... He didn't move. I closed my eyes and listened to his heart beat. I stayed awake hanging on to him. I savored that moment never wanting to forget of what could be my last memory with him for as long as I live. Ten minutes... Twenty... Thirty... Forty... Fifty... One hour... One hour- ten minutes... One hour- twenty minutes...

"Must be my lucky-farewell-day..." I whispered.

Then his cellphone on the desk started vibrating. I sat and took the phone. It felt like I was splashed with ice cold water when I saw who was calling. Irish... I don't know what came over me that made me accept the call. I covered the receiver of Robi's phone as I listened to Irish's voice.

"Hey, Robi..." Irish greeted. "I'm at the airport already. I'm having breakfast. Alone. Spain's waiting. They want their Pinoy couple back..." she said jokingly. "I guess I have to tell them that only half of their Pinoy couple will come back. I'll think of an excuse. I'll tell Spain that you couldn't come because you caught a disease and was banned to fly. Or I'll tell Spain that you couldn't come because you over slept, or because you missed home so much that you wanted to stay longer... I'm gonna go now.. Take care, Robi..."

He's supposed to be leaving for Spain today with Irish. He was supposed to be with her and not me. What have I done? All along, I thought I was the protagonist. I thought I was the pitiful one. Turns out, I'm the villain. I'm the one who's getting in between Robi and Irish. I'm the slut.

I got up and picked up my clothes on the floor. I took out my luggage and packed my stuff. I was confused. I didn't know what to do. All I know is that I had to leave. I can't stay and wait for Robi to wake up. I am scared to know the truth in everything that happened to us. I am scared to know if he really was supposed to be flying back to Spain with Irish today. I am scared to know if what happened last night meant something to him as much as it meant everything to me. I couldn't handle the truth whatever it may be. It felt like I was drowning and I just had to swim out and escape. That's what I did. I ran out of my house, with the man I love still in my bed, and escaped.
___________

I was about to cry again when my phone rang... Sinagot ko iyon. It was James.

"Hello...?" I said. There was silence. Knowing James, malamang alam na niya na umiiyak ako.

"Why?" iyon agad ang tanong niya sa akin. Ang isang salitang iyon ay sapat na para muling tumulo ang mga luha ko.

"I did something very stupid last night." humihikbing sabi ko. Narinig kong nagbuntung-hininga siya.

"Do I wanna know?" he patiently asked.

"No.... if I tell you, I'm gonna break your heart again. And right now, my heart is already bleeding, at kapag nasaktan na naman kita, siguro masa-shattered na iyong puso ko into a billion pieces. " umiiyak na sabi ko.

"Ian..." he sighed again. "Alright, nasaan ka ba?"

"NO! Don't you dare come here?!"

"Fine... I won't. Pero pumunta ka dito. Ngayon ang alis natin para sa tour diba?"

A tour. Yeah. I almost forgot about that.

"Okay... where are you?" humihikbi pa ring tanong ko.

"Sa bahay... I'll wait for you okay?" hindi na ako sumagot. Tinapos ko ang tawag ni James. Panadaliang napatingin ako sa kawalan.

He said he'll wait for me. I knew what he was talking about. He means that he'll wait for me in his house. But I also know the connotative meaning of that sentence.

James had been waiting for me for the past five years. I've been hurting him since then too.

Wala na kasi akong inisip kundi puro si Robi. I didn't even realize that i was hurting my own bestfriend.

I took a deep breath. Aalis kami. We're going on tour. Sana sa pagbalik ko, maging maayos na ang lahat. Three months din naman kaming mawawala. After that, i will leave the band and start my own life.

Maybe I'll get lucky, maybe while on tour, makalimutan ko si Robi, eh di masaya na ang buhay.

Isinaayos ko ang gamit ko. After the tour, I'll sell the house... no... habang nasa tour ako, ibebenta ko na yung bahay. Paano ko makakalimutan si Robi kung pagbalik ko galing sa mahabang tour na iyon ay dun pa rin ako tutuloy?

Madali naman magpahanap ng buyer ng bahay. Rika can help me with it. She's the business minded one.

But i'll take care of that later. Right now, i have to make plans. Mga planong alam kong imposible kong magawa pero kakayanin ko.

First plan, I have to get Robi out of my system.

Yeah. Good plan.

Lumabas ako ng bahay. Bago ako tulyang umalis, tumayo muna ako sa pavement kung saan ako iniwan ni Robi noon.

This pavement was the reason why I became "The girl who can't be moved." Dito nabuo ang desisyon ko sa buhay na hihintayin ko si Robi kahit gaano katagal.

Dito, sa spot na ito, nagsimula ang miserableng paghihintay ko sa wala.

The same spot that Robi made me feel that electrifying kiss again. The electrifying kiss that led to another thing.

I hate this spot!

Tumalikod ako at tinungo ang daan patungo sa bahay ni James.

Habang naglalakad, iniisip ko ang bawat ala-alang meron ako kasama si Robi, the soccer accident na naging dahilan kung bakit niya ako tinuruan mag-drums, the Gateway incident which made me fall in love with him more and those little things that makes my heart flutter everytime I see him....

Habang naglalakad ako ay unti-unti kong iniiwan ang mga ala-alang iyon....

Gusto ko na sa pag-alis ko, aalis ako. Ako lang. Si Adrianne. Hindi ko kasama ang mga ala-ala ni Robi o ang kahit na anong bagay na makakapag-paalala sa akin sa kanya.

Five years is enough. Masyado na akong nasaktan. Ayos lang kung ako lang ang nasasaktan pero nakakasakit na kasi ako ng ibang tao... kaya alam kong hindi na tama ito.

"Ian..." I saw James standing outside his gate waving at me. I smiled back at him. Binilisan ko ang paglalakad. Nang makarating ako sa kanya, nagulat ako ng bigla niya akong yakapin.

"I hate myself for not being with you." bulong niya sa akin. Napaluha na naman ako. James is a good man. He's a great catch, at kung naiba lang siguro ang sitwasyon, sa kanya siguro ako nahulog.

"Ano ka ba? Okay na ako." itinulak ko siya ng marahan. He stared at me.

Silence filled the space between us.

Then out of the blue he said:

"You know I love you, right? Not just a plain love, Ian. I love you with all my heart."

Yes, I am very aware of that. And how I wished that I could love him back too.

"James..." iyon lang ang namutawi sa mga labi ko. He smiled bitterly.

"Gusto ko lang ipaalala kasi baka nakakalimutan mo na." ngumiti siya ulit.

"Are you ready for our trip?" he asked again. Kinuha niya ang bag ko at inilagay iyon sa trunk ng sasakyan.

"Yeah. Excited." sinubukan kong magmukhang masaya.

"Good. Halika na?" he held out his hand. Mataman kong tinitigan iyon. In my head I know that if I took his hand, wala nang balikan.

James is the symbol of my new beginning. Iyon siya para sa akin. kapag kinuha ko ang kamay niya, ibig sabihin noon ay iiwan ko na ng tuluyan ang nakaraan, si Robi.

Kaya ko na bang bitiwan ang limang taong inalay ko para hintayin siya?

Matatanggap ko ba na sa tagal ng panahon, nauwi lang ako sa paghihintay sa wala?

Maybe my body had a mind of its own. I just found myself taking James' hand.

"Bakit?" he asked me.

"I'm leaving everything behind." marahang sabi ko. Nang titigan ko si James ay nakakunot ang noo niya.

Maybe he did not understand what I said. But whatever, malalaman rin naman niya iyon.

Sumakay ako sa kotse ni James. At makalipas ang ilang saglit, tinatahak na namin ang daan palabas ng village.

Napadaan kami sa tapat ng bahay ko. Tiniis kong huwag tumingin, pero di ko rin nagawa. I took a quick glance of the place.

Maybe my mind was playing with me again. I thought I saw Robi sitting on the pavement in front of my house... Napailing ako.

Pinaglalaruan na naman ako ng imahinasyon ko. I looked at James.

I took his hand. He looked at me.

"What?" he asked smiling.

"Nothing. As I said, I'm leaving everything behind." then I held on to his hand tightly.

I'm leaving everything behind.