lost; ethma

four

song:
worst of you- maisie peters
(put on repeat)

emma

i groan as i roll over to pick up my phone. it's been buzzing off the hook for the past 15 minutes.

not to mention it's early in the morning. and it's saturday. fuck.

"hello?" i answer angrily. the other end is silent for about 5 seconds before someone responds.

"emma."

at first i think it's grayson, and i almost start yelling (you know, because of yesterday). but it isn't. i just know it has to be ethan.

"how do you have my number?"

"grayson gave it to me, em," he huffs.

"don't call me that." only my mom gets to call me em. not even grayson. "what do you want?" i ask.

"well, you see, um..." the line goes silent. "i'm stranded. i don't have a ride and grayson has some sort of meeting with someone. i really need you to come pick me up and take me back to my hotel."

"a ride from where?"

"i- um.. an apartment complex off of.. um, one sec, rodeo boulevard," ethan stutters.

that son of a bitch-

"grayson said you would do it," he cuts off my thoughts.

man whore.

"well grayson doesn't know everything," i say.

"please, emma. i will owe you my life," ethan pleads.

"fine."

—

i cant believe this. i'm driving in my 2009 subaru to go pick up this piece of shit and it isn't even my problem. why do i have to be such a damn pushover?

i finally get to this place and i text the unknown number that had called me before.

i'm here. you better be ready.

just as the text sends, i see grayson's clone bust out of the apartment revolving door. his hair is messy and hanging down in his face and he's wearing a plain black t-shirt with these god-awful athletic shorts. i can see his evolving five o'clock shadow as he looks around for my car.

i honk the horn and flag him down.

ethan slams open the door and sits in the car. he takes a deep breath.

"so," i start. "what were you doing in that apartment?"

"i don't want to hear it. i don't know you, let's just make this car ride short. i shouldn't have to explain myself to my brother's girl."

"brother's girl," i snort. "is that what you see me as? also, this is my car and i kindly offered to pick you up. i deserve to know what was going on in that apartment."

"yes," he says. "you're grayson's girl. that's what i have to refer to you as so i don't make a move on you."

i go silent. ethan shouldn't even think about making a move on me. i brush it off though, because that's probably what he does to every other girl that isn't dating grayson.

"also, if you really want to know, i had a one night stand with blondie who lives in that apartment complex. and if you were wondering, yes, it is very trashy in there," ethan states.

"who the hell is blondie?" i ask.

"i don't know her actual name, so that's what i call her," he answers.

"classy."

ethan lets out a loud laugh. i didn't even think that was a funny remark.

"so do you go to college?" i ask ethan.

"nope. has a lot to do with the fact that i hate school and i don't really need to go to college."

"okay..."

"it's complicated, but i'm basically set up for life. i don't even need a job. neither does grayson but he tries too hard at everything," ethan continues.

grayson never told me any of this. wow, suddenly ethan comes to town and i'm learning all sorts of things.

"oh," i reply blankly. i wonder if he realizes how lucky he is.

ethan looks over at me, and i can feel his eyes burning into the side of my head. the silence is awkward to say the least.

"so, um.." ethan starts. i stare ahead, watching the road. "how long have you been screwing my brother?"

if i had a drink of water in my mouth, i would've spit it out. in his face.

"if by screwing you mean dating, it's been about six years. ever since we were freshman," i answer him. he scoffs.

"freshman? you two were babies. don't you ever wonder what it would be like to experience more than just one relationship?"

"ethan, this is just a car ride. i'm not asking you to be my therapist," i say. this guy is really starting to piss me off.

"i'm sorry emma. it's just that... aren't you bored? of the same old stuff?" he asks.

"look, i don't know if you've ever experienced this so you probably don't know what it's like, but i'm in love. i have been in love with the same man for six years. sorry if that comes as a shock to you."

—

i dropped stupid ethan off at his stupid hotel after his stupid one night stand. with his stupid hangover. he's so STUPID!

i'm driving back to my apartment complex and my cheeks are boiling with frustration. ethan had no right to grill me about my relationship with grayson. we're happy. who cares!

i don't know why i'm getting so worked up over this. grayson. and. i. are. fine.

i don't know exactly who i'm trying to convince here.

he just kept telling me what a bore our relationship must be. and our sex life! ethan had the nerve to mention our sex life when he has no idea about what goes on with grayson and i.

i try to think of the last time grayson and i actually fucked. yesterday morning he joined me in the shower but we only did a few things, not even entering the realm of dirty.

i try to think and it actually takes me a minute to remember. ever since ethan showed up, my mind hasn't even been on the topic of sex with grayson. or grayson in general.

it has been three weeks. three weeks without sex. maybe that's why i'm going crazy.

i brush it off though. i was just pissed that grayson never told me about having a twin brother. why is that so wild to me?

my mind returns to ethan. i have decided something:

i will try as hard as i can to keep him as far out of my life as possible.