lost; ethma

eighteen

song:
again- noah cyrus

ethan

my eyes. they're glued shut.

i cant open them, because if i open them, i wont like what i see.

i'll see my bedroom, but with a familiar brunette beside me. and i can't see that.

i don't exactly know where i went wrong, but this ended up happening. my memory of it all is coming back in waves.

i rip her tiny skirt off her body, and she smirks. the rest of our clothes are coming off as we make our way to my room.

"it's just sex," emma slurs.

"it's just sex."

how did this happen? things were going so well. i was keeping my distance from emma, and not letting my feelings for her interfere with anything.

but she came onto me.

i hover over a naked emma. she seems impatient, ready to do this. her eyes are sparkling with lust as she bites her lip.

"are you sure you want to do this?" i ask.

"of course," emma responds. "i just need sex."

i rip open a condom from my bedside drawer and emma puts it on me quickly. i take no time to enter her and start to go faster and faster.

it's unlike anything i've ever experienced.

i'm doing this with someone i love, but it's not as rewarding since that person doesn't feel the same way.

that person just needs sex to get over my brother.

but i cant think about it.

"god, ethan go faster," emma moans. she arches her back as i shove my length in her over and over.

emma touches herself in pleasure as i thrust into her with force.

i shudder as the memory crosses my mind. the details, the look on emma's face... it's too much.

i look over to see her snoring lightly. to emma, this was meaningless sex just to get her mind off grayson. to me, it was so much more.

i got to touch the girl i love.

i got to touch the girl i can never have.

i guess you could say this is more of a glance at what my life isn't going to come to. emma. because i know it would just screw everything up.

god, if grayson ever found out...

his trust in me would forever be lost, that is, if he had any in the first place.

i see emma stirring in her sleep, and eventually she opens her eyes. she looks over at me, then straight up at the ceiling.

her cheeks redden once she realizes that her bare chest has been exposed this entire morning from the covers falling down to her waist, but i don't mind.