lost; ethma

twenty

song:
feel something- jaymes young

| i'm too young to feel so numb, numb, numb, numb |

emma

i wake up with one missed text from last night after i decided to go to bed with three wine glasses fresh in my system.

derek: it's been a while since i've heard from you. how's it going? call me soon!

my heart falls as i realize all that's happened since i went on that date with derek.

i slept with ethan.

that's about all that's happened, but it's still fresh on my mind.

i sit on my bed thinking whether i should go ahead and call derek to get it over with or just simply ignore him.

amanda will know.

"amanda!" i shout her name across the apartment. soon after, she walks into my room and sits on my bed.

"morning," she yawns. "what's up?"

"i don't know what to do with derek. should i text him back or just drop this whole thing? it's so soon after grayson anyway."

"call him!" she exclaims. "it's been almost two months since you and grayson broke up. just go for it."

amanda also doesn't know about ethan. "i just don't know if i'm ready for another relationship."

her eyes widen. "well, i have the perfect solution for you."

"and?" i ask.

"just make it casual. who said you need to be in a relationship?"

i've already made plenty of things casual.

"i just don't know," i say.

—

i grab my keys and get walk down to the parking garage. i need to go grocery shopping and to soulcycle while i'm out. today is perfect for being productive.

i walk around the parking garage, trying to remember where i always park when i see a familiar face.

a face that's supposed to spark something. a fire, a burning possession for me to touch that handsome body again. it's a face that's supposed to make me feel longing, pain, and hurt. it's supposed to make me feel something. 

but it doesn't.

grayson looks in my direction and we meet eyes. there's no emotion inside of me. no passion or spark.

i just don't care.

he starts to walk over towards me, probably expecting me to burst into tears or profess my undying love for him.

"emma," he says breathlessly. i'm starting to realize that this might be affecting him more than it is me.

"grayson."