lost; ethma

fourteen

song:
somebody else- the 1975

ethan

i'm in love with her.

it took me a while to admit it to myself, but it's definitely more than just a crush. a crush, god that sounds so stupid.

i think i made the decision yesterday when i saw her on her birthday.

i wanted to bring her that necklace, because she left it at my house one night a while ago. i picked it up off the floor and saw that it was broken.

so i took it to the jeweler and got a new chain for it that looks almost exactly the same as the old one.

i wasn't planning on giving her a gift, but this seemed perfect for the occasion. i knew i had scored when she started crying.

and trust me, i know she doesn't love me. i've already accepted it. she loves grayson.

and i'm in love with grayson's pretty girl.

it's her charisma, her look, her way of being bold and unique. something about emma just reels me in.

holding her during her weakest moment got me. giving her something she'll cherish for a lifetime got me. it's all just... bittersweet.

because i know i'll never get to hold her again.

i'm not getting sad about it. i don't get sad over girls. i also don't fall in love, ever.

only once before. but i cant bring myself to talk about my first love yet.

olivia is supposed to be meeting me for lunch at this place called urth. it must be popular, but i've never been.

she said she wants to talk about things.

it isn't really abnormal for olivia to want to do something with me, but the fact that she said she wants to talk is worrying me.

i put on these old dark washed jeans and a button down grey shirt.

not exactly sure how fancy i need to be for this place.

olivia is going to meet me in the hallway in about 20 minutes, and we're going in my car.

—

urth is definitely for upper class la bitches... olivia's perfect vibe. i like it though, it's chill.

"i need your help," olivia says as we have a seat outside.

"what for?" just as i ask, the waiter approaches and asks our orders.

"i'll have the avocado toast and an iced vanilla latte with almond milk," i say. the waiter nods and turns to olivia.

"i'll have the urth salad," she says. "oh, and a water."

the waiter jots down our orders and hurries off to the kitchen.

"anyway, the help thing has to do with emma."

"what's wrong with her?" i ask.