Keep me Closer - Billy Hargrove - Stranger Things

12: Embarrassed

"What just happened to you?" He asked with his hands on both my shoulders looking at me in the eyes in a panic.

I looked at him stuttering not knowing what to say. So I just hugged him. "I'm okay." I whispered to him. "This is just.. something I have to deal with, I'm sorry you had to see all that. I'm okay I promise." I said and pulled out of the hug. "It's just something I have to deal with."

***

He drove me to his house and we just sat in his room for a while. I was under his blankets because I was absolutely freezing from being outside. He laid next to me and we both just payed there not saying really anything. That was kind of our signature. Just being with each other. Not having to talk to get to know each other. It was more, out silence told a story that we couldn't.

"My life isn't normal Hargrove." I said

" You think mine is?"

" I'm just saying, we spend a lot of time together and I don't think we are gonna stop anytime soon, and we'll, I guess I'm just warning you." I said and turned on my side facing him. And he did the same facing me. "Being with me, means you have to deal with crap like this. And you have a lot of problems you have to worry about yourself. I don't want to bring you any new problems or burdens you have to worry about."

"It's alright Byers really, it's kinda nice knowing you're not the only insane one in the room."

"Yeah, it is kinda nice isn't it." I smiled at him.
"Maybe one day we can save up and leave this town." I laughed.

"Maybe." He mumbled.

"Summer of 85' we both get summer jobs after school, save up and leave once I graduate in 86'" I imagined.

" Sure thing Byers." He smiled back at me. I don't think either of us really expected that to ever happen but it was a nice thought in the moment. We kinda just looked at each other for a minute. We didn't really have awkward silences. It was more like an ' I enjoy your presence.' Kinda silence. " Hargrove?" My voice broke in and out of a whisper.

" Yeah?" He asked scooting a little closer to me.

I breathed and looked down feeling a bit uncomfortable. Because I'm just an awkward person in general and the slightest bit of affection makes me nervous and him looking at me so long made me feel insecure. That maybe the longer he stared at me, the more imperfections and the more scars he would see. I looked back up at him and nervously and awkwardly smiled. " It's shocked me to my core to admit after... what? 2 weeks with you? But I like you, I really like you." I laughed nervously.

He smiled at me and kissed me. " I like you too." He said in low tone of voice. No one was even home but we still spoke quietly. He kissed me again and I laughed. "What?" He asked looking at me with a smile.

"Nothing, nothing, it's nothing, I've just.. before today.. wow shocker.. umm.. I had actually never really kissed a boy before. It's so dumb. And it sounds really dumb as I keep talking. But now I just made myself really uncomfortable and I can't stop talking. Yet talking is making it worse and I don't really know what to do anymore." He stopped me from talking my kissing me.

"You're telling me.. you've never kissed anyone before?" He scoffed.

"If you knew me as a kid and early teenager, you'd know why." I laughed.

"Why?" He said with his smirk.

"Stop doing that." I nervously laughed.

"Doing what?" He asked and got a cigarette out of his shirt pocket.

"Stop making fun of me. It's not fair."

"It's not fair huh?" He inhaled the smoke.

"No, it's not fair because I can't stop laughing and you're over there being completely calm just smiling. And it's gotten to the point were in making a complete mess of myself and I don't know what to do." I went to tuck hair behind my ear but my hair was in braids to I just fidgeted with my fingers

"Is that so?" He laughed and exhaled. I grabbed the cigarette out of him mouth and confidently inhaled it and immediately started choking and he laughed as
I cringed and choked nearly to death.

"That... it's disgusting." I coughed and he just laughed. "This is the worst day ever. I just told you the most embarrassing thing ever. Literally ever, and it doesn't help that I'm all nervous and fidgety and you're just calm watching me have. A nervous laughter breakdown." I turned around and shoved my face into the pillow I was laying on. "I'm gonna shut up." I mumbled into the pillow and sighed. "This smells like you" I mumbled I to the pillow.

" What?" He laughed.

" That pillow smells like you." I said lifting my head and turning it back towards him.

"Okay?"

"This is just the worst." I covered my face wth my hands. Going from laughing to super embarrassed in like .2 seconds. " Actually wait I take that one thing back. I have kissed a boy before, Tommy H."

" Tommy H?!" He asked with a exhale of a laugh.

" Yes, yes, yes. In the 8th grade. They wanted to make Carol jealous so Steve Harrington dared Tommy H to kiss me. Without even telling me. He just came up to me at my locker and kissed me and then laughed at me and Steve Harrington laughed at me the rest of the day and the whole school thought I was a whore because Carol spread rumours I was trying to steal her boyfriend. Guess I just really tried to block that memory out of my life." I laughed.

He just laughed and kissed me. " You're really cute Byers." He said.

"So are you." I smiled and he kissed me again.