Crashing Love [COMPLETE/PUBLISHED]

Chapter 5: Without Her

3 months later...

I thought that as time went on that I would get better. That my dad would get better and that we could be okay. But that is not the case. I only miss her more and more. I don't remember the last time that I was happy, or even okay. I can't go outside and enjoy my life out of fear that I'm going to lose someone else too. I have already lost my dad. The rest of my family had to go back to work, and Elijah has school. I'm alone. But maybe that's how I'm meant to be. Maybe her death was telling me something. Maybe it was telling me that I have to be alone. 

The thing is that I don't like this. I don't like feeling helpless. I don't think feeling like my world is falling apart. For the last few days, things have seemed better. I am starting to feel less alone. The only person I have to thank for that would be Elijah. He has been by my side for the past few months and I am so incredibly grateful. I think I am finally accepting what happened. Who knows, maybe the world hates me and it will come crumbling down again, but that's okay. I'll have Elijah with me.

The first holiday of many is this week and I am worried. I am worried that I am going to take steps backward because it is the first holiday without her. I am trying to get Dad out of his room to just be with family because it is Thanksgiving. The more I knock on his door the more it hurts to know that he is alone. Does he not realize that he doesn't have to do this alone? I go to knock on his door one more time, but I am stopped by someone's hand.

"The more you knock on the door, you the more you hurt yourself." I turn to see Elijah standing there.

"I just want to talk to him. The last time that we had an actual conversation was at the funeral," I say turning towards him. He pulls me into him and I enter his warm embrace easily. It is like our bodies are made for each other. I have never felt this way about him before. So why am I feeling it now? I shouldn't feel this way. Right? But it feels so right, but he's my best friend. I shake these thoughts away and we make out way downstairs and I see the rest of the family moving around the kitchen getting ready for Thanksgiving. I get to spend the next 4 days with them and I couldn't be more excited.

Later that evening, the entire family, including Elijah's parents, is sitting around the table stuffing our faces. You know, typical Thanksgiving things. About halfway through the meal, we heard a door close from upstairs and we see Dad come down the stairs. He doesn't say anything, he just sits down in his place and he makes a plate. The family looks at him as he fills up his place.

"Why are you all looking at me?" Dad asks as he fills up his plate. When we don't answer, he just starts to eat and eventually continue our conversations. At some point, Elijah brushed his fingers against mine and was slowly intertwining them with mine. I got this feeling that I have never felt before. I have a feeling that things are changing and I have never been more scared.

After we finishing eating, dessert included, we start to clean up plates and such, and I see Dad start to talk with the family. He is acting more like himself but you can see that he lost the light in his eyes, the light that my mother gave him. I don't want him to act like her death never happened, but I don't want him to break anymore that he has by accepting that it happened. So, honestly, I don't know what to do. I continue looking over to him while leaning on the wall that divides the kitchen and the living room. I feel someone's hand on my shoulder and I jump.