Sequel to Forgotten Conscience, Faith attempts to deal with the consequences of the events after the battle with Omega. But how well will she do? And what will her friends do to help her? Ranked #5 in Buffy.
She's leaving me... again. She used to be here. I could smell her here, I could feel her here. But every day I wake up and I feel like another little piece of her has slipped away from me. A piece of her clothing doesn't quite smell like her anymore. One of her things just doesn't seem to be where she left it. I tried to leave everything the way it was but... it doesn't feel right somehow.
It doesn't feel exactly like her room anymore. It feels like... our room, and it sickens me. Because I know that soon it won't even be our room, it'll be my room. Everything that was her will be stripped away, by me. And I hate her for it. I hate that she left me here with nothing. Nothing but these few small mementos of the person I once knew.
Her room, her stuff, her bed... The bed on which I made love to her that night. The night on which I touched, and tasted, and kissed her with every drop of passion I had in me. The greatest night of my life happened right here on this bed. It was on this bed that I spoke the words I never thought I'd say to anyone. It was there that she said them back to me and I knew them to be truth. But here is where she said she'd always love me. Here is where she said she'd never leave me. But she did and it makes me hate her even more.
I don't want to hate her, I wanna love her and be comforted in the knowledge that she loved me back with her last breath, but it's the last breath part that hurts me the most. She took her last breath and left me. She left me alone in this place, with these people. She left me alone with the people she asked me to protect. The people who couldn't leave well enough alone and let me forget. Forget about the one person in this pathetic world that made life worth living. Forget about the woman I love.
I didn't want to forget, but I had no other choice. Thinking about her was tearing me up inside, I had to stop. I tried so hard to forget, but everywhere I went she was there. I could see her in her friends. I could feel her in the places I would go. Every time I heard a slow song, at the Bronze, on the radio, I would think of her and I would cry. But the worst was the dreams. Every night I'd try to sleep and every night I would dream about her. Her hair, her skin, her eyes, her lips, every part of her was burned into my memory on the night we made love for the first time.
And every night I dreamed about how I let her go, about how I let her die without fighting to save her, about how I killed her. So I slayed... I slayed as much as I could but the more I did the more I felt her everywhere I went. Had she been here? Had she slayed here before? Had she killed this type of demon before? I couldn't get away from her. And then her friends made sure I'd never get away from her again. They took me to her grave.
They said it was for my own good, that I'd feel better because of it, but I stood at her grave and looked at her gravestone... and I knew I'd never be okay again.
'Buffy Summers
1981-2001
Beloved friend, Daughter and Lover
She died so that we might live.'
And now I'm here, alone, surrounded by that which once was hers. I hate her for it... I hate the woman I love. God why won't it stop? I... I have to make it stop I... it won't stop I... make it stop.
Spike's POV
Well here we go again. I do this every few nights while I'm out on patrol and I don't know why. Willow and the gang asked me to take over after what happened to Faith when Captain Forehead and I dragged her to Buffy's grave the way we did. And now I keep coming back here and I don't know why.
I kneel down at Buffy's grave, staring at the headstone... wondering why the hell I'm here.
Maybe it's the Faith thing. We're kinda friends now after all. She's pretty cool if you take the time to get to know her, course actually trying to get to know her is like pulling teeth. It started out as just something Willow asked me to do, look after Faith while she's out slaying. I didn't really wanna do it, but when Red told me that none of the Scoobies could get near her, and I realized having the slayer who killed Omega as a friend? Could be beneficial, so we started hanging out, not that she wanted me around at first. But I got involved in a few scraps with those demon-y types she was fighting and she seemed to appreciate it.
She never said so but I know slayers, and I was starting to get a handle on this one. I started coming to the Scooby meetings and we'd go out on patrol. She didn't actually say 'come on let's go patrol' but I'd be out minding my own business and all of the sudden a fight would break out in front of me and she'd be right in the thick of it. So I'd have to fight, mainly to save my own skin but also because I love a good spot of violence now and then.
When the fight was over and the slayer and I stood victorious we'd go looking for another fight. We didn't talk. We almost literally never said a word to each other. We just went about our business and it's like we just happened to do it together. But she doesn't like me, and I don't like her either. She's a slayer, I'm a vampire... cosmically speaking one of us should be dead by now from the time we've spent together. And if I ever got this chip outta my head it would most definitely be me.
I saw the power that slayer had. I saw it when she killed Omega. I even sensed it when I watched the slayers dust 20 vamps in one go that night. It's why I turned down John's offer to take my chip out. Cause I know the second it comes out I'm gonna end up on the pointy end of a small wooden object. I may have taken on two slayers in my day but this bird is in a class all by herself.
I stand up and get back to patrolling.
And she's hanging on by a thread. I could see it when we were fighting demons. She looked even more tired every time I saw her. She's really broken up about Buffy's death and there ain't nothing we can do about it, which is not to say we didn't try. But seeing as how I'm doing patrols alone because the slayer's out of commission, I'm guessing we made things worse.
Course Caveman brow left shortly after Faith barricaded herself in her room. Said he had to get back to his life in L.A. Nice guy that Angel bloke... poofter, running back to his life when his so-called friends need him. He did make sure to give the obligatory 'if you ever need my help just call' speech. God I really hate that loser.
A demon comes out of hiding and tries to attack me.
Oops, looks like I got bigger things to deal with.
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