Tell me you love me

Hesitance and longing...

Sometimes, you want something only because you cannot have it... when your desires really come true, you realize how impractical and toxic they are. For Zoya and Adi, they yearned to be together but now that they are given a choice, they are too scared to commit.

For Zoya, the stakes are higher as she must forgive and forget many of the atrocities and insults that Adi threw her way. He has belittled her, pushed her into self-doubt, given her pain and insults. She was probably better off without him, but as they say, the heart wants what it wants...

After Aditya left, Zoya just could not forget him. It is funny how she always felt that if she had the answers to all her questions, she would be able to move on. However, right now, if possible, her feeling of void has only increased and she wants him, now, more than ever...

Zoya sat by the wall thinking about everything. She remembers how they fought like kids on every silly topic, how protective he was about her, "har ulte-phulte kaam mein ghus jaya karti thi, ye soch k, ki Aditya sir sambhal lenge, zyada kuch hua toh, par ye humne unse kabhi kaha nai, zaroorat hi nai thi... 3rd semester k baad hi, yu toh dooriyan aa gayi thi, fir bhi unn 2 ½ saalo mein vo humare sath the, kisi na kisi bahane se unse pala pad hi jata tha...", she remembered all this with a smile on her lips and tears in her eyes. The tears were memories, memories that were lost to the wave of time. "hum last project mein saath kaam kar rahe the, humare liye toh vo samaye behadd keemti h; magar jab alvida kehne ka samaye aaya toh appne 1 second mein hume bazaru tehra diya... aur iss kadar nata toda ki hum toot k bikhar gaye, magar aap ko koi farak nai pada." As she remembered all the times he pushed her away, demeaned her, her heart ached and burned like hell. She closed her eyes, utterly exhausted from all the work and emotional turmoil. She didn't realize when it was morning. At 5:00 a.m., she was woken up by Kevin, he was already ready and knocking on her door to let her know that there was a slight change in plans, the cab will be arriving by 5:30, instead of 6:00.

Zoya was looking like a zombie, and right now all she wanted to do was sleep. But then she rushed through the preparations as she only had half an hour to get ready...

Kevin was puzzled to see her state. She looked really sick and it was evident that she had cried last night... but why? That was the main question... he wanted to ask her but didn't get the opportunity as, Zoya got busy getting ready.

At the airport:

Zoya had been sleeping during the entire car journey. And the entire time, Kevin kept on looking at her face. She was so beautiful... yet there was a sadness in her features. He couldn't understand what was it about this place, that made her like this... the ethereal glow on her face when they first came here, and now this inexplicable exhaustion... why was she so strongly connected to this place?

He wanted to ask her, but he didn't have the right words to frame the question. Soon, they finished with the boarding formalities and waited in the lounge. Zoya was still lost in her own world; gathering courage, Kevin asked her:

K: is everything okay? You look disturbed.

Z: y.... yeah, everything is fine. I am just a bit tired from the event and you know jet lag and stuff...

K: oh ok... would you like a cup of coffee?

Z: no, I am fine... thank you.

K: common, no need for formality, we didn't even have the chance to get some breakfast... you wait here, I will bring something for us.

Z: thank you.

Kevin went from there... while Zoya let out a sigh. She must regain her composure. Whatever happened during the event, should stay at the event. Kevin should not get involved in all this. She really doesn't have the stamina to face the drama from complications of another half-cooked-unachievable-forbidden-crush-turned-love-story.

Soon Kevin came back with their breakfast... and he was all smiling and gentle with her. As Zoya noticed his overly chivalrous behaviour; she couldn't help but ponder about what Aditya had said about, Kevin being his replacement and that Kevin was also falling for Zoya... was it true? "kya Kevin sahi mein hume pasand karne lage h? kya jane anjane, humne kuch aisa kiya h, ki ye bhi hume Aditya ki tarah pasand karne lage h? Wait! bhala sari galti humari kaise ho sakti h? humare aur Aditya k relation k liye hum akele responsible kaise ho sakte h? taali ek haath se toh nai bajti..."

When Zoya was thinking all this, unknown to her, her facial expressions were also changing in response to her thoughts... now Kevin who was sitting next to her, observing her, was both amused and also, confused... he obviously couldn't hear the thoughts, but the expressions were not making any sense to him. Yet, again, how will he ask her...

On the other hand,

After leaving from Zoya's room, Adi straight away went to a local alcohol shop. The whole night he couldn't sleep. He kept on thinking about her. Zoya didn't give any answer, it was neither a no nor a yes... Aditya needed a closure... this was horrible... he was plagued by innumerable questions. He wanted to call her and ask her once again, just talk to her... alas! He couldn't. he can't rush her. He should give her time.... Even though he has proposed her, but he never stated what he wanted actually. Was it an affair, a marriage, or just a relation where they were on talking terms so that they could move on, without the void in their heart. He couldn't decide, he wanted her, but having her, came with a lot of other responsibilities and hardships, and he wasn't ready for them.

Soon Jeet came to the pub, to pick him up and drop him home. Adi was too drunk and emotionally disturbed to drive back on his own, so he called Jeet to give him a lift. Jeet knew the reason behind his friend's state, though right now he decided to give him space, thus didn't say anything.

Once home, Aditya dropped down exhausted on the sofa, at the same time, his eyes were wide open.

'ek jhapki mein, tere sau khwab aa gaye...

Bepannah, bepannah pyaar h tumse...'

He couldn't sleep. Every time he shut his eyes he saw her face, he felt her touch, he heard her voice. He kept on thinking about the first time he saw her and then about last night, how everything changed in between. Never in his wildest dreams did he think he will meet somebody like Zoya, in such circumstances and fall so madly in love with her... he did, he loved her way too much, but can he have her? Will they ever be together? Will they last together?

AN: writing this part was really tough... and I am struggling with how to develop the story further. The separation, their realization is really crucial to the story. So, bear with me, please. Suggestions and comments of what you think about the story so far, are warmly welcomed, as always. I will try to update the next part soon.

Love,

Rose