Distant Signals: The Love Between Us

Chapter Six

Much to his chagrin, Dream-Kongpob appeared every night since the first time, and no matter how fanciful the plot, it always ended with them in bed, groping and kissing one another like horny teenagers. Even dreams that involved slaying two evil dragons together turned into a hot, erotic mess that left Arthit dashing for a cold shower.

On the day of the final basketball game and Freshy contest—both of which Kongpob had slyly goaded him into agreeing to watch via an ill-advised bet—Arthit woke up from yet another dream involving his least favorite junior and groaned in frustration. He rolled onto his side and grabbed his phone.

The dreams bothered him, but he hadn't had the nerve to read the search results after Kongpob left that day and staunchly refused to look it up again. Until now. Arthit typed in that infuriating question a second time and, without hesitation, searched for an answer.Am I gay if I dreamed about another guy? returned a forum question that asked a similar question, but specified that it was a sex dream.

Arthit frowned. Did it count as a sex dream if they never actually had sex? His cheeks burned as he thought of the way Dream-Kongpob slipped his hand under his clothes as he ground their hips together, kissing him deeply. It counted, he decided. It was close enough.

The question had been posted six weeks ago and eight people responded. Arthit read the first one:

FreightLover:
Whether you're gay or not, what does that have to do with it? I'm 100% straight and I had tons of sex dreams about other boys and men when I was a teen. At the time, it was weird because I didn't like them and had no interest in men. But I figured out it was a way for me to figure things out as I was sleeping. Like, when I figured out that gay people weren't relentlessly after me, I stopped having those dreams. Go have sex with a girl and you'll stop having those dreams.

Arthit furrowed his brow at the man's response and fought the urge to roll his eyes. "Conceited dick," he muttered, scrolling to the next one:

Layton:
No. Are you a teenager? Have you had sex with a woman? With anyone? You might be gay, but I think it's a little early for that. Try it out and see if you like it. Try out both. How can you know if you haven't had sex with both a man and a woman? You should have balanced experiences before you proclaim you're gay.

Arthit's heart fluttered and he nervously gnawed on his bottom lip. The idea of having sex with one person was terrifying enough, but being intimate with multiple people just to "try it out"? A disgusted shudder ran down his spine. He couldn't do it. There had to be another way to know.

Faye:
No, it doesn't. Not necessarily, but there's a lot you may want to think about aside from your dreams. Like, how often you dream about gay sex and whether you fantasize about it when you're awake, particularly when you masturbate. And what about your romantic interests? Is it just sex or are you thinking about being in a relationship with a person of the same sex? Try to think about what you want, not want society says you should want.

But you know, there are more than two choices. You can be gay and only like men, or you can be bisexual and like two or more genders, or you could be demisexual, where you need an emotional connection before sexual attraction can develop, etc—there are all kinds of sexualities. You should read about them and explore how you feel.

Arthit took a deep breath, then released it slowly as he put his phone face down on the end table. It was too much. All of it was too much. He covered his face with his hands, closing his eyes, and just laid in the silence and tried not to think for a few minutes. Just a few minutes.

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