The Life Of A Girl Who Feels Like She Is Not Enough

Hell Is In My Head - basically an introduction

https://soundcloud.com/fathertrees/frankenstien

There are plenty of things in my life that have caused me to be the way I am, today. I mean Jesus, my dad was on meth. None of you know me, so I feel safe telling you that, I mean who will even read this? Am I simply wasting my time? Or no, because writing gets a bunch of feelings out, so regardless of who reads or not, I am not wasting my time? Or will I never be satisfied unless this 'blows' up? Either way the boat floats, I am going to write. Write about grief, politics, tattoos, enemies, friends, family, and who gives a single fuck what else? Does it matter? No, If you are not hooked already then you would've clicked off this book and moved onto the next by now.

I posted a link, I hope you are listening to the song while reading this. Jackson is a local singer in my city. Very talented. Raw talent. There is a part in the song, Frankenstein, where it says, "I can't make it home now, Im way too fuckin gone now,". I feel that way about many things, not even when Im high. Just in general. My brain is a funny place, a place I don't like to go. I say a funny place, but really it is a prison. A prison filled with the baddest of the bad. Criminals that have taken the innocent lives of millions. Depression, Anxiety, and Bipolar. Three of the worst, even worse when combined. I can be completely sober and not able to move. Not able to open my eyes. Not able to make friends. Not able to even go home. 

Regardless of all that shit, I am just sad. And most the time I dunno the reason why. Im just floating throughout my days, smoking a couple blunts, waiting to go to sleep. I mean yeah, some days are fun, and I enjoy being awake, buuuut other days I am counting down the minutes before I sleep. I close my eyes and drift away into a coma basically. I have plenty of questions why I do these things, think these ways, say these words, and I guess in writing this I will answer all these questions. So, ... welcome to this shit show of a life, that belongs to me, Kylah Jayde Amos-Newman. A shitty person- people tend to leave.