My girl Neighbor

35

I'm so sorry for being MIA for the past couple months.

But, here's the update. Hope you like it.

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I'm out of words, literally.

Emma was still looking at me intently, waiting for me to answer her.

What should I tell her? That it was nothing? It was a friendly hug?

Will she believe me?

"So?"

"Well, Emma. She's my friend."

"Friend? So yesterday you were pushing your friend out of my house? Is that how you treat your friend? Tell me."

I am cornered. She's like an investigator.

In some situations, it's cute. But when you are in the hot seat, like now. Not so cute.

"Look, Jen. If you're just gonna stare at me while I ask you some questions, just leave, okay?"

"Em, I'm confused, forgive me but I am. I don't get you, to be honest. I don't get why you're acting like this. I don't get why you're questioning me on whom I hugged. No, you know what, I think I know why, but I don't wanna say it. You know why, I don't want to anger you or give you any reasons to be pissed at me."

That made her speechless. So I took the opportunity to tell her what I feel.

"I'm sure you know already that I like you. I do, so much. And yes, you told me that you like me too. But Emma, you're gonna have to meet me halfway. We can't like each other and not have a label of what we are. I understand that it is all new to you, It is for me too. I've never been with a girl, like you know, intimate-wise. You are my first."

I pause to breathe. She's still looking at me, probably absorbing everything I was saying.

"You can't nag me or get mad at me every time you see me with Kate or anybody else and tell me that you are not jealous. It's a no-brainer, Em. Even a child would know that you're jealous. And you know what, It's ok. As long as you admit to yourself that you want to be with me. That's all, Em. Tell me that you wanted to be with me, that you wanted me to be your girlfriend."

I held both her hands and brought them to my lips. I don't know what she's thinking and I hope she'll understand.

I don't mean to rant, It's just that, she confused me.

"Emma? Are you mad? Please say something."

She was still looking at me blankly. The fear is building up my chest, did I do the right thing, to bring up this topic?

"Em?"

"I-I. Uhmm.."

This was the first time she was out of words. She's even stuttering.

"Look, Em. I don't mean to rush you or anything but you are making me, with all the jealousy and the nagging. I just. I need to know before I go nuts. Please"

My voice broke a little on that last word and she heard it. Her face went soft and I felt her grip on my hands.

"I-I'm sorry, Jen. I'm sorry if I'm confusing you and making you feel all that, all that you said. I-I didn't mean it, believe me."

I felt the sincerity of each word. All the heaviness in my chest suddenly was lifted up.

"And yes, it is all new to you. But, Jen, you do know that you're gay already. I may be your first but at least you know what you are, you know what you want and I don't. Before I met you, I was straight. To tell you the truth, you, you confused me too. Yes, you do. All my life I know I am straight, and then you came along and you confused the hell out of me. You kissed me and made my heart skip a beat."

Now it is my turn to be speechless. Learning that I had that effect on her was too much for me to handle.

"I understand what you're feeling right now, I do, Jen. But you have to understand me too. I'm not gay, or at least before I met you. I don't know how to deal with these feelings I have for you right now. I need to make sure to myself that this is what I want, that it is you who I want. Because I don't want to rush things up between us and just mess it up at the end coz it turns out, I wasn't gay at all, I just like the idea of being gay, that it was just an experiment for me, you get me? You are too special for me and I don't want to hurt you."

A tear suddenly fell on her eye. At that moment, I hugged her. I hugged her tight.

"Em, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to..."

"No, Jen. I'm sorry." She cut me off.

She held me in my arms and kissed my cheek before she pushed me out of that hug.

"Can we just, stay like this for now? Just until I figure out things? I hope this is not too much of me to ask. I know our relationship is still confusing for both of us, but can we?" It was Emma.

"You mean, we'll stay like this for now? Like, we're into each other but no label? I can kiss you whenever I want. or like, sleep .. with you?"

I prepared myself with some slapping but instead, she burst out laughing.

"Yes, Jen. Whatever you want." She giggled.

Before I say anything else, she continued.

"But we have to establish some ground rules."

Now, this is interesting.

"Owkaaay. Like what?"

Emma let go of my arms and crossed hers in her chest.

"Well, you know that I am jealous of Kate or whatever, so I expect you to respect my feelings about it. I mean, you could still be friends with her, if that's what you want. Just no foul stuff. You know what I mean?"

In response to her, I furrowed my eyebrows. And before I could answer her, she slapped me in my arms.

"Ohh, you know what I mean." She irritably said.

I laughed at that.

"In return, I will not date. How's that sound?" She was smiling now.

And I smiled as well. "That's sounds great."

"So, why you were hugging her in the car?"

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