No bargain with death (MCU x reader)

10. awake

"You are awake" , you stated bluntly, caught off guard. You had counted on avoiding this man until the day you died. And afterwards. In case there was an afterwards. In case people got to meet in stage two. Which, to be utterly honest, you didn't fancy. Couldn't someone just be left alone in death?!

Well, we don't always get what we wish for. So you had to talk to Stark now. Silly rules of social life. Turning around and just walking away was barely ever appreciated. Great. Avoiding him would get pretty hard. At least as long as he was awake. And you knew from back when you had lived with him that he barely ever slept.

There was no way out of this, nowhere to run to when you wanted to keep Stark away from you. Not a surprise. This place was his property after all.

"You are equally awake" , came the sarcastic reply. Despite his shattered heart this man was still the same in behaviour. That left you wondering how often he had lost and how often he had practiced this little play. No matter how often it had happened, he was experienced. An expert. And that meant something. It meant a lot of hurting and covering up. Uncountable times but still enough to fit a lifetime. It had to be painful. More painful than what you had been through?

You probably didn't want to know. Your own pain was enough for a lifetime. No need to try and handle someone else's pain too. That was what destroyed people.

And, no matter how good he was at covering his pain, he looked pretty shitty right now. His hair was chaos. There were dark shadows under his eyes which were slightly swollen and red. His nose was red too. You remembered him drinking a lot. Too much, in fact. Maybe it was that. Maybe it was excessive tissue use. Who knew.

God, you pitied this man. No matter what had turned his nose into a red nightmare.

And you felt like his pain was on you this time. Because you hadn't yet saved him. You could bring his son back after all. You could silence his pain. The nagging, cruel, crippling pain of loss that twists your intestines and makes your bones shatter and your heart stop.

You suddenly felt like the weight of the whole universe was resting on your shoulders and damn, you didn't enjoy that. You already had enough to deal with.

It actually wasn't the whole universe, not the one you lived in. Not the planets and stars you could see when you glanced out of the window at night. It was Stark's. The universe in which a big, important planet had suddenly disappeared, burst into a thousand little dust particles and disappeared from view forever. It still felt unbearable. Because you had the glue to put the planet together again and to rebalance the universe.

But you just couldn't. There was no way to give Stark what he wanted, was there?

Time to escape. You couldn't stand staring at this broken man but there wasn't much else to stare at in this sterile room. The pity was eating you up. 

"I need to pee" , you blurted out. Stark raised an eyebrow. Sassy old man.

"I'll get you a pot. You just return to your bed."

He was grinning. It wasn't the nicest of grins.

Pity? Him? No way.

"I will not pee in a pot!" , you protested, probably sounding rather horrified. There was no reason for such intimidation. You could walk just fine. You would not pee in a pot.

Stark laughed. At you. For not wanting to pee in a pot. Maybe because you looked so shocked. He probably wouldn't do it either. Even with two broken legs and a severed spine. He'd find a damn way not to pee in a pot.

And you would too.

Idiot.

He still looked like shit though. And you knew that he was covering up his pain by being funny. Not that anyone but him found it to be funny.