Emotionless. (Cielois)

Chapter 14: The Talk

After the game, Sebastian takes me to a ma and pa hamburger joint, which he INSISTS he's been going to since he was a kid, ("I've been a fan since before their appearance on food network!") He makes sure to act unsettlingly buddy-buddy with all the polite staff, pretending they remember his white face out of the thousands they see daily. I surprise myself with my still rampaging appetite, ordering whatever a 'Merica Burger is, (Sebastian's suggestion,) and a strawberry malt.

We miraculously find a booth towards the back of the restaurant, by a window. A wave of nostalgia rushes through me. When I was a kid, my father always made sure we got a window booth, no matter how packed it was; I even recall a few incidences when he slipped the staff 20's to clear a spot for us. He would gaze out the window wistfully for an eternity, no matter how bland the scenery. He never seemed to mind, though; I thought it odd, until I found myself doing the same thing, finding comfort in the protection of the glass, but also in knowing that no matter how cluttered or miserable things are here, there's always a there. It was unspoken, but I understood how he felt, just as Sebastian presumably understands me now, letting me zone out in peace.

I feel his discomfort rising like a snake from its coil. There's something he wants to say. Despite his predictability, I let him break the silence.

"So. I'm just gonna say it really fast, so we can dive head first into the pool or discomfort and deal with the cold all at once. Sex!" He says, a little louder than I think he intended, and with a pubescent sounding squeak that would be adorable if not for the context.

What the..

"Look. I know you and your father were always close, so this is not me in any way trying to intrude, or cross any lines, but I know you were very young when he died. Presumably..too young for...ya know....The Talk."

Oh my god.

"Now I know that high school, private or not, has taught you a lot on that matter. I'm not oblivious. But a lot of that is probably false, and.."

Is Sebastian really doing this?

"..and I'm SURE you've been made aware of all the possible diseases that can be spread if not careful..."

I mean. I know it's kind of unspoken that he's my second father. But I mean this is..

"..and I just want you to know that if you were to bring a boy home, although I wouldn't DIRECTLY support any unmentionable acts while I'm around.."

Wait.

Hold up.

I reflexively gag on my fries.

"What makes you think I would be with a 'he'?" I ask, not sure if I'm offended or just shocked.

Sebastian's cheeks burn bright pink for a moment, before his eyebrows ruffle and he cocks his head in confusion. He pauses before he answers.

"....I didn't..I just said it in protest of the..heteronormative assumptions?" He attempts poorly to make an excuse.

"Oh no no no no, you don't get to take that back now. What the hell was that supposed to mean, huh?" Yes. I have now decided that, in fact, I AM offended.

Sebastian pauses, and then sighs, giving up the act.

"Look, kid. I've known you since you were an ugly, sticky, naked baby, and if your eyes have shined for anyone, it hasn't been Elizabeth, let alone any other girls."

I have no thoughts, no words, no nothing. I'm completely blank.

...

"I have no idea what you mean, my eyes have never "shined" for anyone, ESPECIALLY not any other boys! I mean, except Elizabeth of course..and even if they had, it would be NONE of your business! But they don't! So..just get that idea out of your stupid head." Suddenly, I'm the one sounding flustered.

I feel my cheeks burning. No, they're not burning! Why would I be embarrassed? It's probably just from all the blood rushing, because of how ENRAGED I am! And oh, what right I have to be! Yes, I am just feeling the pure, male, testosterone flowing through my veins. That's it.

Sebastian looks a strange mix of worried and confused, watching me with fascination. I cross my arms, and quickly look away. God, I'm pouting like a child. Fuck you, Sebastian. God. Whatever. I'm fine. God.

"Well. Whether you like sausage or ground beef, I don't care. Just don't do anything stupid and make me have to." He concludes, then resuming eating his burger as if nothing happened.

The look of triumph on his face makes me wanna sock him. But I don't. My anger has begun to turn to curiosity. Why the hell would he think I was gay? Do I seem it? Is it my long hair, and eyelashes? Maybe my taste for classical music and frilly clothes? (Which, by the way, ONLY stems from my refined taste in MENS clothing, thank you.)

Suddenly, I remember the look on his face when Alois walked over in drag, and I lost it. He looked like he was watching a preschool boy propose to his little girlfriend with a ring he made out of a flower. I had been too distracted to question it then, but..

Oh god...

Sebastian thinks I'm in love with Alois?!

My face drops, and I feel sick. I feel dumb for not seeing it. And I feel rage, that Sebastian would swoon over such a revolting thought. That Sebastian still sees Alois as the hero; my knight in shining armor. My first instinct is to pound my fists on the table, tell him every way Alois fucked us both over, get it into his head that he's anything but our guardian angel.

But I'm better than that. All that will do is make Sebastian furious, leave the mansion, and go right back to heaving ass for us. I can't let that happen. Not again. I know things have been lonely for him, but Ive never seen him look so relaxed since before the fire. I can't take that away from him, just to spare my pride, no matter how infuriating it may be.

I smile softly.

"Sorry for freaking out. Just wasn't sure whether I should be offended."

Sebastian chuckles.

"Nah. Your femininity is part of your charm." He says with a mouthful of food.

He flashes me an innocent smile, which I fling lukewarm, melted malt onto with my spoon.