Emotionless. (Cielois)

Chapter 10: "Just my allergies"

"Why did you give me the money?"

Alois is clearly taken aback by the question, slowing his pace for a moment, and taking a minute, before laughing slightly.

"What a question to ask, Ciel... what brought that about?" He asks, his voice light-hearted as ever.

I shrug, even though I know he can't see me.

"Just thinking." I respond, stepping in a squishy puddle of mud that I can feel seeping through my boots and into my socks.

"You know what... we should probably just stay in the barn until this storm dies down," Alois decides, "we'll drown in mud if we try to continue as it is." He begins turning around.

"Ok." I respond quietly, following after him.

I hate myself for being this way. Not lingering on the topic, demanding an answer as I surely deserve. Since when is Ciel Phantomhive so timid? I never had an issue standing up to him back at school, when he was honest with himself. But now, he plays his little charade, and I can't figure out why. It scares me, and so I play along... I wish I could just tear the curtains down and rip his stupid script to pieces, force him to be honest again. But I just follow behind him, hands together, his loyal dog.

We make it to the barn. He turns the light back on and shuts the door behind us. Silence. As he watches me stare numbly at the harnesses hung on the wall, he can tell something is off. He gets up and walks to the other side of the long hall, where I hear a small "meow." >•< He returns with a small kitten, and sits down next to me, stroking its grey and white splotched fur.

"Look what I found! Isn't he just precious?" Alois says, as if he didn't know it was there to begin with.

I don't avert my gaze.

"Do you want a turn with our little friend, Ciel?" He asks.

"I'm allergic." I respond, monotone.

"Lets say hello to grumpy-pants, shall we?" He says to the cat in a high-pitched voice.

He then places the kitten on my shoulder, to which I jump up, scaring the cat into scratching my face.

"I SAID I'M ALLERGIC." I yell at Alois, my face displaying nothing short of pure rage.

I can tell I frighten Alois, as his eyes widen and he freezes. I remove the cat from my shoulder and place it gently on the ground.

"C-Ciel..." Alois stutters.

"Why did you give me the money." I ask once again, saying the words one at a time, slowly, as if he just hadn't heard the first time.

Tch. As if.

He pauses for a moment.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have provoked you with the cat and-"

"WHY DID YOU GIVE ME THE MONEY?" I yell once again, cutting him off mid sentence.

Once again, there's silence.

"It's a simple question, Alois, a simple question. Why have you been avoiding that topic so desperately? Ever since I came, you've been so buddy-buddy with me, as if nothing happened. You think you can just pretend it doesn't exist? You almost KILLED me, for gods sake. Do you think that's nothing? You can't even spare me a simple apology, after all you've done, all I've been through? And how dare you expect me to play along. Quit that fucking act you're putting on. I know you hate me. I know you're just doing this because you feel bad, and think all this will somehow justify what happened, so you can sleep your pretty little head through the night. Well guess what? It doesn't. Nothing will EVER justify what you did to me and Sebastian." I spit in his face and push my finger against his chest, looking him dead in the eye. "Got it?"

He says nothing, and I take a step back, laughing heartily.

"I never thought I'd say this, but I liked you better when you wanted me dead." I say with such a snarky, deep-cutting tone that even I feel it.

And with that, I turn around, leaving behind me an open mouthed, heart-broken Alois. I suppose that's what he looked like in the hospital, but I don't care as I walk out of the barn, not bothering to close the large, wooden doors behind me. I feel warm beads of liquid roll down my cheek as I walk calmly through the harsh wind and merciless flooding.

It must be the rain, or my cat allergy; after all, I'm emotionless.