I'm Sipping Pink Lucozade

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"Left to right
Sit and talk shit all night
Does that make it right for so
Maybe, or am I just seeing shit?
Seeing the pain side in this house of fear"

I stared at the phone for a couple of seconds before it buzzed in my hands notifying me of the arrival of a text. 

And I knew where I had to be.

Pocketing the iPhone, I looked up to see bluish-green orbs looking at me. All this while, somehow, Gigi's presence across the table seemed to have just faded into the abyss. I stood there, clueless, under her gaze.

When the known becomes the unknown.

That's what it felt like: I couldn't read the little light that flashed across her eyes. I was about to mutter something incoherent but before I could formulate anything, she stood up and said:  

"Go". Turning on her heels, she left me alone on the balcony, with my thoughts and the summer sky. I didn't need to think of anything else. Grabbing a leather jacket, I stepped out of my house.

This is not the first time or it may not be the only time when I regret my actions and fret over the decisions I make. Seems to pretty recurrent these last few years. Closing the door behind me, a cool May breeze hit me.

And I knew things won't be the same when I returned.

"You don't even wanna know about the things I hear
Quick fix
Headlines shine bright, you're the fuckin' deal
I'm just wishing its ambition that got
You your position
You'll be fishing for far too long
You're the bad guy in this movie
And I ain't wrong, I don't breathe the pollution
And the only solution
Is making shit confusing
And it ain't about who's winning or losing
But the path that you're choosing."

I paid the cab and tipped him some more adding, "If I don't return in another 10 minutes, leave. I'm not returning tonight"

I did the stupidest thing yet again: I took in the longest puff from the rest of my weed and dumped it into the nearest bin and walked into the hotel.

I felt stronger than ever. It might have been the weed or the fact that I'm about to meet Harry after years. Signing in at the reception, I walked through the almost deserted hallways. The receptionist was already tipped about the arrival of a guest at room no. 5255.

It wasn't that light feeling that I used to feel every time I sneaked out with him after concerts and interviews while we were on road. Not the adventure of exploring something new or the fear of getting caught or the guilt of mistakes committed.

This time it is the excitement of rediscovery and anxiousness. Of being accepted and confrontation. 

"Time heals pain and promotes self-soothing
When the scars are gone you can't see bruising
Wanna take days watching chains and gold rings
I'm getting caught up in the feelings that they bring
A lack of sanity, losing touch with reality
Smoking too much, it's starting to fog up my clarity
Travelling in the day but you're still looking far to me"

It was a posh surrounding considering the deserted neighbourhood. My way up to his floor went in a daze. Whether it was my weed or my the excitement, I don't wish to delve upon it. I felt the veins throbbing in my ears.

Will I be able to look into his green eyes again?

With that thought, I stood in front of his room. I was about to knock but for the millionth time again, I followed my intuition and just pushed the door open holding the knob. Making way into the living room, I opted to call out and not be mistaken for a trespasser. 

"Harry?", I still kept the slightly open door in case he doesn't want me to be here anymore. When I heard no answer I did go in further not caring anymore. Judging by how drunk he sounded over the phone, anything could've happened to him. It hit me again, panic.

"Where on earth could he be!" I let my feet lead my body and before I knew it I was standing in front of a bedroom, dimly lit and in front of the mirror stood the one I've been chasing. 

I didn't make a sound and took the moment for the realisation sink in. The place where I'm at right now. This isn't just about the weed that filled my senses, it was his presence a few feet away from me.

"Bullseye you the dot to me
Emotions splattered seeing padding
Can't even begin to spot 'em
I'm sad about shit that never happened
No lies in my eyes
Nothing but truth will lay in my mouth
I'm tryna fuckin scream but the words won't come out
Ooh ah
Tryna fuckin' scream but the words won't come out"

On the bad lay his jacket meaning he came into his room just a moment back and he sat in front of his dresser in what seems like, pulling out those ridiculous rings. He was looking down, so in no way, I could sneak a look into those green orbs I missed so much. He was bare-foot and what it seemed like, he was relaxed by the coldness of the marble on is sole. 

I remembered those times when he used to hate his cold feet. I'd kiss them to warm them which always by admittance turned him on. What he didn't know is those intimate moments, I worshipped him. His body, his soul, his presence.

He was wearing a button-up black shirt with the first three buttons undone along with his wrist cuffs. It gave me the majestic view of his numerous tattoos peeking out under the dimly lit bedroom.

I knew nothing would come out of the situation if I stood there. I coughed and immediately he turned. The movement was so fast that I'm sure I skipped a beat there. After years dreaming of those green eyes on me, it finally was real. But the sight broke my heart. His eyes were glossy. 

"Are you regretting calling me ove-"

"Z-Zayn?". That breathy trembling voice.

"Harry, I'm sorry if I'm invading but I really-"

"You came"

I was taken aback. He didn't think I'd come to him?

"Yes. Yes, Harry. I did."

"Yes, you did Zayn"

What I didn't expect were the next words that left my mouth.

"For you"

The next moment a soft pair of lips were over mine.

"She's older, I told her
We ain't meant to be
It takes two not three, but I'm here anyway
I hope he's leaving soon
Started not to see the elephant in this room
Disguises your perfume
But the smell of it consumes, it takes all my mind
You can search the world but you will never find
I see everything you've done to me
Be there, you run to me
I don't need to pace, I don't need the stamina
If this shit was it, girl, I probably would be runnin' from ya
Kept running
Outwit, 'cause you gunnin'
That outfit 'cause you're stunnin'
Begging 'cause you've chosen me
Got me feeling some type of way I can't explain
The fuck is going on?
I think I got it wrong
When I told you
I was over you or were you under me?"

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