How do I get to Heaven?

Chapter 19

It took days for me to calm down after my first trip topside. Aiden, Travis, and even Violette took turns keeping an eye on me. I spent most of my time in a constant state of anxiety. I was extremely jumpy, and was getting no sleep.

Day five of being back, I started to feel like myself again. Wandering into the library, I spotted a familiar pink haired boy sitting with his back towards me. I shuffled over, and whispered "Boo!"

"Rosalie, you aren't as sneaky as you think you are." He said, without turning around. I rolled my eyes before pulling a chair out beside him at the long table, and sitting down. He dog eared the page of his book before closing it.

Toby turned towards me slowly. He studied every inch of my face before asking "How are you feeling?" I sighed and offered him a shrug.

"I'm starting to feel better. I'm a bit smothered by all the babysitting though, so I snuck out while Violette was in the shower. I just need a bit of alone time."

"Yet here you are, talking to me." He said, raising an eyebrow. I chuckled and replied "Well you seem to be able to talk to me without this fear in your eyes. Like I'm going to break apart or somthing."

He nodded, then shrugged and said "Can't baby you forever. All of this is so new to every one of us. We all adjust differently. I think it's good that everyone is supporting you but they have to also build you back up, not keep you in a bubble."

I smiled and said "Exactly. I knew I wanted to talk to you for a reason." Toby laughed and I finally felt myself relax a little more. I sat back in the hard wooden chair and asked "So what's new in your world. You haven't been around much."

A flush crept across his cheeks and he said "Just... doing a lot if thinking."

"About?" I asked with a smile. His eyes dropped from mine before saying "If I'm honest, nothing good. I've been thinking a lot about my life before I ended up here. I wonder... I wonder if anyone really misses me."

I sat up again, slowly reaching my hand across the table to cover his. Softly, I said "Toby you are an amazing person. I'm sure your family and friends miss you."

He was quiet for a long time, but I continued to hold his hand. He started to speak a few times, but the words died in his mouth before he could speak them. After a while, he finally said "I didn't really have any family. Just a drunk uncle who didn't really care about anyone other than Jack Daniels.

'In college I was in a fraternity. We... hazed this new bunch pretty badly this year. That's how I..." he trailed off. I squeezed his hand lightly, urging him to go on. He took a shaking breath and continued.

"We told this guy he had to dye his hair pink. We told him it would wash out, but I swapped his with permanent dye. So the next day when he tried to wash it out and nothing happened... he came after me.

'I was drunk and he chased me through the house. I'm also an idiot, because I saw the door to the balcony open, so I thought I could make it if it jumped. I was only on the second floor and the pool was down below... or so I thought. I was actually on the third floor, and cracked my head on the side of the pool.

'When I woke up here, my hair was still pink. Wont wash out either. I'm sure I could dye it, but... I don't know I feel like I have to keep it. Like it's part of my punishment."

He wouldn't look at me. We were silent for a while as I processed his story. Eventually I said "The fact that you regret it already shows what a good person you are. We are- well, were, young and made pleanty of bad decisions. I think you deserve to be happy with who you see in the mirror."

Toby shook his head, finally looking up at me. He swallowed hard, and his eyes shimmered with tears he wasn't letting fall.

"I think ill keep it a bit longer. I want it as a constant reminder that I wasn't a good person before. I was a pretty big jerk when I was alive and I never want to be that way again."

"I don't think you're an asshole." I told him honestly.