Affection || Shaudrey

Fifty-Night: Past

TW: Mentions of a past suicide attempt with details, mention of alcoholism, mentions of forced sex.

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"Only if you feel like you're ready," Shelby said softly, gently.

"I do." Audrey nodded, taking another deep breath. "This way you have time to run away before actually getting married to me." She teased, trying to light up the mood, although a part of her was scared her lover could run away.

"I would never," Shelby said as she continued to caress her lover's cheek. "You know I wouldn't do that right?" she asked.

"I know, baby. I'm just kidding." Audrey smiled softly. "I mean, I do have a little bit of this fear sometimes, but I always try to think about how much I love you and apply that to how you feel for me... if it makes sense?"

"It does." Shelby nodded softly. She felt a small shiver run down her skin as the cold from the room started to really get to her. "Can I grab the blanket really quick?" she asked.

"Mhm," Audrey nodded as she softly let go of her lover. "I'm getting cold, too." She chuckled, more from being nervous than anything else.

Shelby quickly got up to retrieve the blanket from the floor. Once she was back on the bed, she wrapped them both up in the blanket, so they were skin to skin with no room for either one of them to go. She wrapped her arms around her lover's waist as she looked at her with a soft smile. "Okay, I'm all yours now."

Audrey snuggled closer to Shelby with a satisfied smile on her face, her hands wrapping around her fiancé's waist as well. "Okay..." she took a deep breath, struggling to stare into blue eyes. "So... you know all about the bullying in school and how left out I was at college?" she started with. "I had barely three friends there, and one of them was Beatrix... we started dating at the beginning of my second year at college and a-at first, everything was fine until I started realizing things..."

Shelby nodded softly. Her heart was already arching for Audrey. She knew nothing about this was going to be good. "What things?" she asked, her voice remained soft and tender.

"Well," the woman took a deep breath, eyes falling down before she continued. "At first I thought it was just in my head... I knew I was depressed at this point, so I thought it could be just my depression speaking, but Beatrix wouldn't let me sit next to her in classes, or h-have lunch with her, let alone h-hold her hand or t-things like that."

Shelby's brows furrowed. That was the complete opposite of a partner/girlfriend/boyfriend of any respect. She bit her tongue to hold back her words though; she didn't want to interrupt Audrey's explanation, she didn't want to be rude or make her feel unsafe. So instead, she nodded, motioning for her to continue.

Audrey took another deep breath, the hand on Shelby's cheek stiffening, brown eyes went up to blue ones again. "Six m-months passed by until I r-realized she was a-ashamed of me... not to mention what was going on between four w-walls... I was a virgin, she took my virginity away, and a-at the first time it seemed normal, but as the time p-passed by she started f-f-forcing me to have s-sex, only m-me on her, never saying a l-loving word, never t-taking the time to a-ask how I was, to actually show some love."

Shelby bit her lip. Anger and rage started to build within her chest. And things that had happened between them, some of their encounters during sex, some of the limits they had established now made sense to her. Her heart felt like it was breaking more and more with each word, and she knew they were no were near the end of the story yet.

"It was hard." Audrey took a deep breath, eyes getting slightly teary. "Another year passed by until I f-found myself not wanting to leave the h-house... I lived at the campus back t-then, so it was easy to j-just not go to class... to make things worse, I was s-sharing a room with Beatrix, so I had n-no escape... the breaking point was w-when I did The Heart Of Gold." She bit her lip, eyes falling down once again. "I finished f-filming one day before t-trying to commit suicide... I came home f-for the shooting, and Beatrix w-would just ignore m-my calls and messages... I felt s-so worthless." A tear fell. "It w-was supposed to b-be the happiest experience of m-my life and n-no one seemed to care... not even the person I t-thought that loved me the m-most... or supposed t-to, I mean, because l-looking back now I k-know she didn't."