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june 29th, 1945 was the day james buchanan barnes' sweet grandmother died. june 29th 1945 was the day he walked into carter's flower shop without a smile on his face. his eyes were puffy, his nose was stuffed and his lips were chapped. he was tired from crying. steve whinced at the sight of him in his distress. he walked to the till, the shop was completely empty. bucky tried to act as if he was completely fine. steve knew, bucky sniffled as he walked to the till. "bucky?" steve asked him, desperately.
there was a silence. "last night, a heart attack took her" bucky finally spoke up, steve's eyes dropped with sadness. he held his hand out for bucky to take it.
his hand was warm against steve's feeble skin, bucky held steve's hand to his face as tears continued to fall. steve had no clue what to say. steve wanted to wrap his arms around bucky and cry into his torso. "i'm, so so sorry. i'm so sorry bucky. i cant say sorry enough" he carefully wiped the tears from bucky's face as he cried.
"hey, hey. it's okay, please. it isn't your fault. there won't be a funeral, she has no family other than me left. the hospital are sending her to the crematory today. i'm happy i told her goodbye before she left. the doctor's told me to be prepared for the worst" bucky was smiling through his despair, clutching steve's hands now in his own. it scared steve how damaged bucky could be, how he hides it with his charming facade. he didn't need to impress steve any more than he already has. steve was falling fast and he didn't want to face it.
"please bucky, if you need anything tell me. why didn't you call me?" steve pleaded, on the verge of tears. "i didn't want to bother you, stevie. you need your beauty sleep, sickly. it's okay, i promise you it's okay" he kissed steve's finger gently and steve flushed red. his heart was heavy for bucky, he wanted to be with him at all times.
everything was moving so fast. meeting bucky, knowing bucky, hating him and falling for him all in the same summer. it felt like only yesterday he bumped into the beautiful man on the dark brooklyn streets. it made steve's head spin.
steve didn't want to tell bucky of his own deteriorating state, he was getting sicker and it was obvious. his working hours cutting shorter at peggy's demands, his medication getting heavier and making him dreary. steve rogers was made of pills and bones. james buchanan barnes is the only person to have ever made him feel alive.
"if you need anything. i'm right here, call me. tell me if you need me, promise?" steve rubbed his thumbs across bucky's palms. "i promise" him and bucky were alone in the shop, the stockroom empty with peggy at her sister's baby shower. steve roamed the shop on empty days, waiting for occasional customers, it was raining outside which is usually a sign of an empty store.
the tension between the two could have been sliced with a knife. steve wanted to kiss bucky and it took him everything inside of him not to do so. he hasn't kissed somebody since a high school dare. he's never felt the feeling he has before for anybody. let alone a man like james buchanan barnes.
steve wanted to fall asleep, forget everything. he cannot dream without bucky anymore. the thoughts he thought twisted him.
"can i, can i come round? when you're finished. i'll make us some tea and we can talk in front of the fire. please. if you don't want me in your home i understand, steve. your presence is helping me now" bucky broke the silence with a plead. steve didn't know what to say. he was constantly anxious around bucky. bucky in his own home is something steve has only ever seen in his dreams. steven grant rogers dreamt of james buchanan barnes in his home, drinking his tea and eating his food, using his rooms and sleeping in his bed. steve didn't know why. steve didn't question why. steve hated that he thought of it more often than he should.
"i'm technically finished now, ten minutes until i close up. the sky is grey, i'm not expecting any last minute customers." steve presses his hand on bucky's shoulder. steve wanted bucky in his home but steve probably couldn't handle bucky in his home.
the walk to steve's was quiet. he understood why, small sniffs coming from bucky. audibly he held in his tears, steve didn't say anything. he didn't know what to say.
and so he took bucky into his home, bucky smiled at the warm atmosphere of steve' small apartment. his cat immediately wrapped himself around bucky's legs, greeting him at the doorway. "it's a sweet little place you got here, steve" bucky smiled. "thank you, it's all i have" steve offered him a warm smile as they walked to steve's living room. the walls were beige, there was a fire and two grey couches and a small chair. there was a vinyl player in the corner and the walls were plastered with steve's favourite art pieces. it was homely, cosy. it had "steve rogers" written all over it. the fire was lit. "let me get you some tea, bucky" steve smiled as bucky sat down, socks following him onto his lap as he sat.
"please, thank you so much, steve" bucky beamed, petting socks attentively. bucky felt at home in steve's home. he could get used to it, he wanted too.
the two sat, exchanging advice and stories, bucky cried and so did steve. they felt better afterwards, comforting eachother and smiling at one an other. it wasn't long before bucky's spirit was back up. he waltzed over to steve's vinyl player.
"ah! these are some classics" bucky places the vinyl of "bad boy" by the jive bombers into the disk and swayed as it played. steve giggles at bucky's expense before bucky spun over to steve, offering him his hand and dragging steve with him.
"life is just a bowl of cherriiieeeees" bucky sang as he swung steve around his living room. steve couldn't help but laugh, he couldn't keep it up. he ran out of breath quickly but didn't want to tell bucky. he slowed himself down. bucky notices and turned off the music. "hey, come on cherub. take a seat, that's my fault" bucky sat steve down as he caught his breath back. "don't, don't worry, bucky" steve's breaths were heavy. "i'm alright, thank you" he laughed as he caught his breath. bucky smiled and ruffled steve's hair.
bucky checked his watch to reveal the time was 10pm. "i best head, sweetie. i'll see you tomorrow?" bucky smiled warmly. it took everything in steve not to ask bucky to stay with him, to wrap his arms around him as he slept. steve pushed the thoughts to a place he didn't want to return too.
"yes, of course, of course." and steve walked bucky to his front door. bucky collected his coat and swang it round himself. "thank you, steve. thank you for being here. it means a lot to me, i'm very lucky" before steve could reply he felt bucky's arms around his small torso, pulling him into his own. steve melted at the warm touch, bucky's overwhelming cinnamon scent filling steve's senses. he held bucky back, rubbing his back slowly before bucky pulled away. "tomorrow, 5pm" bucky smiled before leaving steve's doorstep. steve smiled and closed the door.
he couldn't tell if he was dreaming or not, steve never wanted to wake up. he didn't want to fight his own feelings anymore. he didn't know how or why he was falling for james buchanan barnes, but he was. he was happy.
