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it terrified steve. it terrified just how quickly and foolishly he fell in love with james buchanan barnes. the boy who he despised the second he saw him, now being the man he doesn't want to imagine himself without. bucky was good, he was warm. he was home.
steve liked the way bucky spoke, he liked the way bucky would make him laugh. he liked the way bucky curled his hands around steves when they spoke. he liked the way bucky layed on his couch with steve's head in his lap. steve liked when bucky would run his large hands through steve's hair and tell him stories. steve liked falling asleep on bucky's lap. the feeling of bucky was nothing less than ethereal. his touch, soft and warm. he tasted so sweet, he smelt like lust and cherries and the colour red.
james buchanan barnes walked with a cigarette in his mouth next to steve, he lit it and blew the smoke away from steves face because he cared about him deeply. steve didn't cough when bucky smoked. steve didn't care if it would kill him, hell he would have let it kill him for bucky's sake. bucky would slip his hand in steve's with ease.
steve simply could not get enough of it, he couldn't get enough of bucky teaching him how to slow dance in his living room, he couldn't get enough of bucky's sleepy voice as he says "goodnight, my lovely" over the phone after a long day, steve couldn't get enough of bucky's eyes, complete serendipity. steve was scared of love before, he had never felt it like this though.
bucky would let his hands roam delicately over steves feeble body, whispering. "you're so beautiful, steve. let me take care of you" bucky would kiss down steve's body. he made steve feel loved. he would make him feel like there was nobody else in the whole world apart from those two. bucky planted soft purple marks across steve's collarbones, marking him as his own artwork, claiming him. steve would run his delicate hands through bucky's hair as he held him. they were so fragile with eachother, delicately in love. dangerously infatuated.
bucky would whisper "you are mine" between kisses, he would hold steve until he slept peacefully. steve stopped having nightmares when bucky slept in his bed. bucky numbed the pain from steves life, injected it with medical morphine until it bled from steve's mind. leaving him forever. steve forgot he was dying. steve felt alive when bucky pulled him into his lap to hold and to kiss, steve felt craved for the first time in his life.
steve and bucky would wake up with the sunlight seeping from steve's window blinds, they would wake up before one and other on different mornings. all they would do is stare, taking in one and others features as they slept.
steve noticed steve would sleep with his mouth slightly opened, calm and at peace. he would drool if his dream was good. bucky noticed steve slept with his mouth completely closed as his eyelashes fluttered, he slept lightly due to night terrors haunting him from before. he slept deeper when he was enveloped between bucky's arms. he felt protected.
bucky could feel his soul aching for steve's, he knew he had found something special. steve was small, pale, cold and boney. steve looked like he could drop dead at any minute. when bucky was around, steve glowed. he glowed like a sunbeam, leaking gold from his eyes and mouth and ears. he was smitten, basking and infatuated.
bucky barnes changed steve roger's life. steves life before bucky was the same routine, the same work the same clothes the same smells the same feelings and thoughts and illness. bucky changed it all, with bucky it's new feelings and emotions and thoughts and touches and tastes and life.
bucky would stay in the shop just to watch steve, to make sure he was okay. peggy beamed as they watched the two obviously smitten.
bucky continued to order the same sunflowers, not for his grandmother but to decorate his home, or steves home. they would pin them to the wall, letting them die before decorating the walls with new sunflowers. keeping others healthily in a vase on the table in nearly every room. the colour yellow was something bucky needed more of in his life. it reminded him of steve.
steve was like the sunshine, to bucky. he was bright, enlightened, golden and sweet. bucky was like the moonlight, to steve. he was daunting, charming, gloomy and mysterious, his many layers uncovering as steve's affection unravelled them.
bucky to steve was home, he was the colours of yellow, golden and peach. he tasted like them too. it was bucky's job now to keep steve safe, from the horrible world around him.
bucky couldn't keep steve safe from his illness though, that's what scared bucky the most. steve is dying, slowly but surely. bucky won't believe it, he refuses it every single day.
bucky keeps the sunflowers alive for as long as he can, just for steve. but slowly, the petals crumble and the colours fade, in a sense. they will too soon reflect steve. bucky buys sunflowers every single day, for steve. steve doesn't know what to do with them all, he decorated his kitchen and living room and hallways with sunflowers. all for bucky, and bucky gets them for steve. they do it for eachother. they do a lot for eachother, they take care of eachother and laugh with eachother, they cry with eachother and taste eachother and dream with eachother and walk with eachother.
james buchanan barnes knew he was going to give steven grant rogers the life he never got before with the limited time he had left, he didn't promise steve out loud but steve must've known. bucky would and will do anything to make sure of it.
