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peggy took care of bucky and steve, when bucky had to find small jobs and work late night she would rub steve's back while he threw up, held a pale cloth to his chest and told him stories.
bucky would return home, cold hands immediately wrapping themselves around steve, seeing the cupcakes and sunflowers scattered around from peggy's visiting. peggy knew they needed it. when steve goes, bucky won't know where to go.
he was working late hours, waitering at steve's favourite diner. bucky wouldn't get drafted for another couple of months now, he was certain steve wouldn't be here to see him leave. it broke bucky's heart, he was going to the war with nothing to fight for. he'll have nothing left after steve dies.
but he just needed the extra money. he needed to keep steve healthy for as long as he possibly could. steve was going to die. it was a matter of days. bucky would lay next to his lover, watching his breathing as he slept. he was so terrified of steve dying, he didn't want to be. he didn't want steve to know he was scared, but he was.
he was terrified of the fear, the fear of steve's heart stopping, the fear of rolling over in bed the next morning to see steve's pulse stopping. he was petrified, it made his stomach turn. he loved steve so much. steve was all he had left.
steve still let bucky tiredly dance with him in the living room, just like when they first fell in love.
and steve spoke softly. his voice little, small and bold.
"i want to make it in the war one day, buck" the two swayed softly in the living room, the grainy vinyl playing old tunes. "you think so, sweetheart" bucky whispered. he could feel the tears forming in the back of his throat, grasping his voice as he spoke.
"i think so" steve smiled. "well, look at you. my brave boy. maybe once you're mended, you can get big and strong. and you can join, with me. and fight with me. how's it sound?" bucky was echoing empty promises to his beloved. he knew steve would never make it, the poor boy could drop dead next week. steve knows fine well he wouldn't ever get mended, he knew the end was near. he just likes to pretend it wasn't.
"you've gotta be careful when you get back out there, barnes. i know i won't be here to see you fight ever again, i'm fighting to see you every day. i'm fighting my own body. i just want you to promise on my grave you won't get yourself hurt. you got it?" steve's voice croaked with grief, he swallowed deep as he looked at his lover.
bucky took steve's small, frailing hand in his own warm one, kissing it lightly.
"i promise, on my own life. mi, corazon. i would swear on your life, but it is too precious, i don't want to break any empty promises. i'll get myself hurt, for sure. but i won't ever leave you. i won't let myself die out there." bucky's lips stained with his tears.
"quit cryin for me, buck. the devil won't catch me just yet" steve giggled, wiping bucky's face before kissing him lightly.
steve still tasted like rose champagne and baby breath flowers. like milk and cookies and clean laundry. it was all him, he was sweet. the sunshine embodied itself to his exact form.
and bucky, like red wine, cherries and cigarettes. the moonlight poured from his mouth as blue bottle flowers formed around steve's body, branching from bucky's fragile fingers.
together they blossomed, they bloomed. chapel angels surrounding their small apartment just to glimpse their small shares of intimacy. they lived in a dream. a dream soon to be a nightmare.
bucky hated sleeping, simply because he never could. he would stay up, just to watch steve. he would panick when steve would quietly cough during the night, when he would roll over and throw up in the small bucket next to his bed side. bucky would sleepily rub his back as steve cried. "you're okay, i'm right here. it's going to be okay"
it was messy, his illness, bucky's fear. he was so scared.
steve wasnt, he never has been. he knew he was going to die, and by god was he grateful he knew he would likely do so with his lover by his side. and he knew it would be soon. steve was more scared for bucky's life than his own, scared of bucky braving the war by himself. he was scared of what bucky would do when he had nothing left.
the night was dark, the two lovers side by side in bed, facing eachother. caressing eachothers faces.
"bucky, you have to promise me" steve spoke in a whisper. "when i die, do not cry for me, do not spend your life mourning the loss of my presence. i want you to be the best soldier on the field, the strongest. the bravest. i already know you are" steve's honey voice shaped the encouragements to bucky. and bucky would do nothing other than oblige to his lover.
"i promise you, steve. but i can't promise i won't cry for you, maybe for a day or two. i won't be able to help it. you came into my life when i was losing the only person i had left. and then after my grandma died i still bought those sunflowers. all as an excuse to talk to you" bucky's thumb was circling steve's face, relaxing steve.
"i will cry for you, my love. but after all of my tears are used up, i'll fight for you. in the war. and out of it too, for the rest of my life. i'll work in that flower shop, i'll name a special order of sunflowers after you, i'll plant them all around this god damn city just to feel you smile from heaven at my utter smitten stupidity." bucky whispered gently. steve giggled.
